chapter 4

Camille's POV

"Come on, Millie! Throw the ball!" James's encouraging voice sounded above my brother's grumbling.

"You suck, Camille! You throw like a girl!" Kevin shouted from the side and it hurt to hear that. I was a girl, why was that a bad thing?

"Come on, Kev, give her a chance." James came to my defence, as always. The sun was setting and casting a low glow into the backyard, the last of the summer heat dying out with every passing minute. I threw the ball. "See?! That was awesome, Millie!" James's smile was radiant and filled with approval. What a nice boy, I thought. He never speaks to me like my brother, he never puts me down.

"James, you coming for dinner?" Kevin shot out right before walking inside. I so hoped he would! James was always so nice to me and made conversation at the dinner table that included me.

"Oh...no. Thanks though. Gotta get back, dad's barbecuing. See ya." My little eight year old heart felt so disappointed, but then he turned to me and smiled again, "Bye Millie! Good throw today."

That's the backyard he was inviting me to.

Me: ...why?

I tapped on my phone case as I tried to contain my runaway breath.

James: Just come. Wanna talk to you about something.

Oh God, oh God, what was going on?!

Me: ngl, sounds sus. Why are you being so weird and secretive? Come to the front door

Sounded normal right?! I doubted every word I typed.

James: fine, you win.

A minute later, I creeped downstairs so as not to wake my mom and Kevin, who bailed on me earlier, and discreetly opened the door to see James run up the porch steps. Fuck, he was so handsome, I was sure he could hear my heartbeat.

"Hey!" He whispered with a smile as he came up to the door and instinctively, I backed inside, letting him take a step in. Oh my God, help me someone, please! I was in my little white pyjamas, braless and shaking and he towered over me, his eyes taking in the sight of my barely clothed body. Why was he looking at me like that?

"Are you okay?! What's going on?!" I whisper yelled and gently closed the front door. James just stood there, looking me over but silent. "James? You okay?" Was he having an aneurysm, why was he so weird?

Just then, a car pulled into the driveway. My father. Shit. Even if James had been to our house a million times, this scene wouldn't go over well. "Oh no..." I mused as I stood on my tippy toes and peeked out the door window to see him stepping out of the car. "Quickly! Grab your shoes and come with me!" I woke up James who seemed to have turned into a lamppost.

I hurriedly locked the front door and tippy toed up the stairs, fighting with giggles as James obediently followed me, his face right in front of my ass, barely covered by my pajama shorts. All traces of alcohol had vanished from me at this moment and I was fully sober, for some reason taking James upstairs to my bedroom and listening for any sounds of my family members discovering this little illicit journey.

The front door unlocked at this moment and I panicked, quickly pulling James into my room and quietly closing my door, stifling my breath, lest my father hears and discovers us. There really would be no way to explain this.

Standing in the darkness, James was right in front of me and my entire body lost all feeling. What the fuck did I just do?! Why was he here? In my room? At two in the morning? Looking at me like I was an ice cream on a hot summer day?

If it was possible to have a heart attack and remain standing, surely, I was having one.

"Well, this got awkward." I whispered once I heard my father make his way down the hall to his and my mother's bedroom.

James's endearing smile showed up on his face and he looked away from me, stifling a chuckle. "I don't think I've ever been in your room for this long." He divulged after thirty seconds of us standing at the door. "How come you never invited me?" He continued whispering and took a step further inside the room while my mouth dried up from nerves.

James Brooks. In my room. In the middle of the night. Holy shit, I was going to pass out. As discreetly as I could, I took deep breaths in to calm my nerves, still standing at my closed door while James slowly walked through the room and approached my window, peeking out. "Huh!" He spoke in a regular voice. "I always wondered what the view was like from your side of the stree-"

"Shh!" I interrupted him and finally unglued myself from one spot. "You have to be quiet!" I approached him in a panic and leaned down to look outside the window too, like we were spying on someone.

"Why?" He whispered back. "You're afraid you'll be discovered with a boy in your room?" His question made me twist my neck at him in surprise. A most mischievous smile appeared on his face...one that I didn't think I'd ever seen before.

"Not with a boy. A man. And also, you." I responded with some sort of renewed bravery that I didn't posses before. I straightened out to meet his eyes, still a considerable height from me. While I wasn't exactly short, James was tall.

"Yeah? Would that be a disaster?" He continued in his playful tone and kept his eyes on mine. I wondered if I would pass out from being so close to him. My whole body heated up by a few degrees and all my corporal desires rushed inside my head. His lips, so red and soft. His eyes, so daring and gentle. His hands, so large and not on my body.

"It would." I confirmed quietly. "Why are you here exactly?" I crossed my arms and pretended that this whole ordeal wasn't making me want to squeal in excitement.

"You brought me up here, Camille!" He spoke in fake defence. "You tell me. Why are you bringing me to your room...in the middle of the night...breaking all your house rules?" Oh my God, was he...was he flirting with me?! I had no thoughts in my head after he leaned in a little closer to me and said the last words quieter than ever.

My eyes glued to his, I took little breaths in, like I was actually committing some sort of crime and was petrified of being caught. As if luck would have it, at this moment I heard my parents' voices pass by my room.

"It's not what you think, Lilly!" My father's muffled annoyed voice sounded behind the door and both James and I looked toward it, afraid that he would bust in and find us here, mere inches away from each other.

"It's not, Robert? How am I supposed to take it, when you come home..." My mother's angry voice trailed off as they walked down the stairs.

"Wow." I breathed out. "They're not sleeping, you're never getting out of here!" I turned to James who was already looking at me. He's never looked at me like that before. With a small smile, his eyes slowly made their way around my face and then looked down at my neck, before going down, lower...lower...

"My eyes are up here, James. Why are you looking at me like that?" This, I said with my regular voice, containing my shakes. He shot his eyes up into mine, looking apologetic.

"I don't know! You're not a child anymore, Camille, and you're wearing the skimpiest pyjamas I didn't even know existed, okay?! Put some clothes on!" He responded strongly and I almost gasped at how fucking turned on I became just from his eyes on me. Makes sense, I was a virgin, and my hormones were raging. But even if I was a virgin, that didn't mean that I had no desire to squish my naked body against his.

In the darkness of my room, I became bold and dauntless. He broke up with Becky, there was nothing stopping me now.

"Oh no...is James lusting after his best friend's little sister?" I teased, knowing full well that couldn't have been the case, but why couldn't I plant that idea in his head?! As I said the last two words, I lifted myself up on my tippy toes and did a little twirl, coming right back around to stand in front of him again.

At this, James looked shocked while I bit my bottom lip, holding back my laughter. "Mm-hmm!" I nodded, cursing my own self for starting this, afraid to finish it.

"Am I, Camille? Or is it the other way around..." James spoke mysteriously and wiped that smile off my face within an instant. "You're the one who brought me up here...you're the one who is so interested in my breakup with Becky..." James continued on and leaned in even closer so I could smell his divine cologne or body wash or whatever the hell he smelled so good of. "You're the one putting on a show for me, wearing barely any clothes. Doesn't look too good for you, does it?" He posed the question with a dangerous smirk, eating me alive with his eyes.

Oh dear Lord, you must be playing tricks on me, surely. Maybe the devil is, to put me in a position like this?! Knowing that I've been obsessed with James for half a decade and now...having him stand so close to me, all alone, in a dark and quiet room, while my nipples are protruding through my little pyjama top. At this thought, I quickly crossed my arms on my chest and James brought his eyes down, shamelessly setting his gaze there.

"It's an accident that you're up here. Why did you want me to meet you in the backyard?" I found my voice, again chickening out from continuing these flirtations and seeing where it would lead. My mind oscillated between outrageous bravery and deep cowardice and if one moment I felt like I could taunt James, the next moment I regretted saying anything.

Ah yes, this question caught him off guard and while my parents voices were becoming louder from downstairs, he decided to change the subject. "Do your parents always argue in the middle of the night?" He asked with genuine concern.

Lately, always. It was obvious to everyone, including that lonely raccoon climbing up the tree outside my window, that my father was cheating on my mom. I don't know if it was the thrill of constant secrecy, but he played with fire. His mistress was a secretary at city hall and he was often seen around town with her. No one had caught them kissing or holding hands but he was spending an exorbitant amount of time with her and started 'working late' for no apparent reason.

"No. Only since my dad started cheating on my mom." Reality hit me over the head when I said those words and I walked away from James and all our flirting, slumping down on my bed with a huff.

"What?! Your dad is cheating on your mom?! And you're talking about it so easily?!" He loudly whispered and leaned against the window sill of my bay window, crossing his arms in disbelief.

At some point I began to think that it was normal, for husbands to cheat on their wives. My father threw it all away, all the warmth and love we had in our family for some random woman. My mother would call me in tears during the entire last year and divulge details of the betrayal and how deeply hurt she was. At the same time she was surprised at how loving and caring my father had suddenly become since getting a woman on the side.

"I'm surprised you don't know. Everyone knows." I whispered back quieter than ever, thankful for the support of the soft mattress underneath my butt. "Why do men cheat? Do you guys have some kind of primal need to fuck around?" I asked in desperation, realizing this is the first time I spoke about it to anyone besides my mom.

James stayed quiet for a few seconds but then delivered his next words with concrete confidence. "Not all men cheat. My father never cheated on my mom. He loves her very much, and does everything for our family. I would never ever cheat on my girlfriend or my wife." He spoke about it as if offended.

"Lucky you. I wish I had that." That was true. The only thing my dad did for our family was earn a lot of money. Not that it was bad and no one ever complained about having everything we ever wanted, but we also just wanted a dad. For him to come to soccer games and school recitals. For him to make pancakes with us on Sunday morning. For him to be interested in our lives.

I didn't even realize that James came over to me until my bed dipped beside me and here he was, in his full delicious smelling glory. But then, he turned to me and asked a question that threw me into turmoil once more, both deathly afraid to answer and shaking with need to tell him the truth.

"Who are you in love with, Camille?"