"Rose! Wake up! We are fucking late for school! Get your lazy ass up!"
"Five minutes more please!"
"Oh hell no! You get up now, missy!"
With that warning, I was kicked out of my bed by none other than my best friend and my world, Liza.
"Come on Liza! It's Friday! We can skip school...." My muffled voice echoed through the pillow.
"Oh really? Do you plan on losing your scholarship? Because I will not let you. So get up, get ready, and let us get going because we are already late."
****
It's just so strange when your life is one thing and then suddenly it changes. Maybe that is what happened to me when I got a scholarship to Bruckbane college. I never thought I would, but here I was, sitting in the car with Liza, off to a destination which would have never existed for me a year ago.
I looked out the window and saw the mushy green trees with scattered bushes here and there covered with snow. The weather was cloudy, not that I minded much because I always loved the rain. Never the cold nor the heat, but the rain. Maybe it had something to do with the season I was born in, a kind of biased likeability. Forks was quite the perfect place for a hideaway. That is the reason why I moved here and anyways, it's closer to my college. So it helps, I guess.
"Hey, do you mind if I plug in some music?" Liza popped the bubblegum and nodded her head in agreement.
"No prob Rose, but please do not start with Debussy. My ears are bleeding from listening to those same tunes again and again." Liza said as she steered the car to the frosty road on the left.
"Okay then, Ludwig Van Beethoven it is". A smile crept across my face as the melodic tune made it to my ears, mixed with the crunch of the fresh snow underneath the tires of the car as snowfall softly pelted from the sky.
I was never very comfortable talking to people I have never talked to before. Always quiet unless asked a question, trouble with expressing myself and listening more than speaking up. It was not hard for people to lose interest because they would think that I didn't have any interest either. I was okay with it. Not interacting with people, keeping to myself, isolated and alone, until Liza came into my life.
I was never awkward between me and Lizzie. We could sit in absolute silence with each other and still be comfortable. We never even talked about each other's past because it's better that way, but other than that we were poles apart. She was the more social and outgoing one, whereas I was the shy and secluded one.
"Hey, did you know that there is a new music teacher coming to our school? I heard that he is kinda hot." She wiggled her eyebrows and looked at me with a suggestive, naughty glint in her eyes.
"Eww! Lizzie, it's gross to have a crush on your teacher." The frown on my nose distorted my facial structure as I looked at myself in the side mirror through the closed window pane.
"You wait Rosie. I am sure you will start drooling once you see him. After all, you are a young woman with hormones. So hold your horses before you say something which you will regret later. Anyways music is your favorite subject, and you will have to spend more time with him and then..." She giggled as she stopped mid-sentence and took a peek at my glaring face before continuing. "You are not that tough Rosie, he would easily get charmed by you and finally, we will be able to have double dates and..." Her imagination running faster than reality as she dramatically spoke like a three-year-old and practically squealed with excitement.
"Whoa! Stop with that family planning, would you? I didn't even have my first boyfriend, and you expect me to fall into a guy's arms that easily. Not to mention he is our teacher." The frown rose up to my forehead as I considered Liza's words but laughing still at her delirious imagination.
"Well, you never know what happens in life..." Liza said as her laugher slowly died down.
****
There is always that one thing in college that no one can ever hide from, PE.
So think about my condition when I get my schedule and the first thing I notice is none other than PE, which happens to be before my favorite class, that is music. This meant that I will get all sweaty and tired by the time I reach my music class. Clumsy as I was, I wasn't quite bad at PE, but I didn't like it either.
We were walking to our locker room with a dragging soul as a bunch of cheerleaders passed us by with their voices a little too loud talking about the new teacher who seemed to have become very famous.
"Geez! He is all over the school. Guess he is very handsome." Liza said while sending a text to Max, her boyfriend, and bumping my shoulder with hers without peeling her eyes away from the screen.
"What's up with the cheerleaders and mini skirts? Is it like their dress code or what? All they ever wear are mini skirts and skinny tops." I said, ignoring her comment. This whole hot teacher thing is too much for me.
"Chill. It's a free country, and a very poor attempt made by you to divert the conversation. By the way, Max and I are gonna skip the last period, care to join us?" Her lips quirked up in a wicked smile with the idea of a possible crime.
"Sorry, I can't. My last period is music, and you know I can not skip it, and I thought you did not want me to lose my scholarship? What happened to your I-am-your-strict-nanny-phase?" I smiled a little bit as I saw her smile as well.
"Okay! Okay! I am giving up on making-my-friend-cool-phase. Happy? And anyways I would not want you to miss your little date with Mr hot now would I ?" She winked and chewed on her bubblegum like one of those Casanovas who would love to take anyone home.
Blurting the words out as quickly as she could, she scurried away to her class before I could punch her.
****
Changing back into my clothes after PE, I dragged my body towards music class. I was a hundred percent sure that I would fall asleep on the piano even before I could hit a note. All those laps around the playground did not help the fact that my muscles were tense and sore. Not to mention the fact that I was completely drenched in sweat even in this cold weather.
My tired, lazy hand reached for the door to the music room, swinging it open as my eyes met with green, mossy green enclosed in eyes.
I am struggling.Sometimes I feel things that are not possible to exist or feel, see things that are not there, hear words that have not been spoken. These hallucinations, these mind riveting moments, make me further believe that something is truly wrong. I am being pushed into an empty space of a puzzle that I just don’t fit into. I am the wrong piece of the picture.This feeling goes on for several days. The interval between the episodes are almost non existent, blended into time by a stubborn finger, tainted in all dark. Perhaps, only when I am asleep, do I feel some kind of peace and solace from this painful heaviness that is wound around my head like a tight band. At times, it worsens as it transforms into an itch inside my head that I can’t reach to satiate.I wonder if my brother felt it too. Or my father and mother. Did all of them feel this way or was it just me that was cursed with such a mind that made living so much harder than it was sup
The club was fully packed. It hasn’t been this crowded in a couple of weeks and even though I am practically still new here, I knew enough to know that it was not normal for the regular customers to suddenly stop coming here. Oh well, none of my business. I was the waitress here with a minimal wage pay and place to sleep which was plenty for me to survive at the moment. And with the scavenged food from the bar and ‘kitchen’ there were nights when I didn’t need to buy any food at all. Maybe one day I would be able to save enough to get out of here as well and get a place of my own. All of it sounded like a ridiculous fantasy in this dark corner of the club, drowned in the booming music and the foggy smoke air as the men and women danced to the music on the dance floor. Some lost too much in the mood to forget that they could be seen while some just straight out started making out with each other, ignoring the random pushes and thrashing as the tight crowd grooved to t
We live in a fantasy world, a world of illusion. The great task in life is to find reality.- Iris Murdoch 13 November, 3:25 am I entered the room and the first thing I saw was red. Red on the carpet, floor, red on the bedsheet and red on the lifeless body lying on the bed. My legs couldn’t hold me up any longer and I collapsed. There on the bed was my friend, my sister, my only spark of hope in this dark world, Liza. This must be a dream…no, this can’t be real. Her wide eyes that stared at the ceiling held sadness, the same familiar look I always saw in my reflection but never so still. Her lips were parted like she was trying to tell me something so desperately but her lifeless heavy body wasn’t responding to her pleas to move. Was she calling for me from the other side? Wake up, wake up. This is just a nightmare. It has to be. Somehow I crawled towards her to her hand through the blinding dizziness
"You are weak, weak and pathetic." She didn't lift her face, hiding behind the curtain of hair. It was her only shield, one so feeble and fragile but perhaps hiding her emotions was of more priority. "You are such a shame and disgrace to our family. Have you ever thought about us? How could you when you are too busy being selfish." Yes indeed, it hurt and the heaviness was too much on these weak shoulders that they couldn't help but crumble down. The urge to call someone for help clenched her heart, but she knew no one in this house would do so. For a seven-year-old, she felt like she was very dumb since she didn't know what she did wrong to earn this punishment. It has been four years now, and she still doesn't know. She was used to the pain that she felt in her bones and muscles. It was a daily routine now. As soon as the hands of the clock paused at eight in the evening every day, she tried to brace herself for what was about to come but it never helped.
Do you know how it feels to be scared every second of time? Too scared to even breathe; afraid that the very breath might cause something unpleasant. Something you don't want to find out. From going outside of the house to living in. It's hard to find a way to lead the life you have had for so long. Even the slightest heave of your chest is protested by the body. So much that you have to stop breathing for a second and those seconds turn into minutes after which the fear really cripples you and strips you bare out in the cold. It's unstoppable and trying is inane. I wasn't tied up or handcuff like all those cliché kidnapping stories. Instead, I had all the freedom that I could exercise in that shotgun seat. I believe that if I tried to escape then I could simply unlock the door and run anywhere away from him but the fact that he would let me go, didn't sit well with me. Nothing actually happens as expected when you are faced with critical situations such as t
Everything was frozen.Time, place, and memories. Even I was one of the victims to such a cold and immobile state, but he was not. I never thought that a simple curve of lips could be so mentally lethal and yet as always I was proved wrong. The huge melody of defeat orchestrated in the still air as he kept on looking at me with his eyes, as green as the demon he himself was. He was waiting for me to make some move, to run or scream at him but only one word made its way out of my lips.