Chapter 3

Clara

The farther we traveled, the less familiar everything became. My mind swam throughout , remaining in a state of limbo, until after what felt like an eternity, the car finally slowed.

“We're here Madam.” The driver announced. Those words made me blink out of my trance. Turning slightly, I looked through the window and my heart skipped a beat.

A massive chapel rose before me, dark and hulking against the moonlight.  It looked old and enormous, with tall arched windows and heavy wooden doors.

It was beautiful and  intimidating beyond measure.

My stomach twisted at the sight. This was where it would happen.

So lost in the sight, I hadn't noticed the driver stepping out until my side of the door opened with him waiting outside. Taking his offered hand,  I stepped out into the open.

The moment I stepped out, the cool atmosphere pierced through me. The place looked desolate , if not for the streetlights, lights and cars that surrounded us.

It seemed entirely fitting for a family so mysterious.

‘Know your place.’  The warnings left behind circled my mind. I kept my gaze lowered as I moved forward, being escorted toward the entrance. The massive doors opened and I stepped inside.

Unlike from the outside, the inside of the chapel was filled with light. People filled the seats, men and women alike, all of them wearing black.

Prickles filled my skin. Their stares penetrated me despite the veil covering my face. My fingers curled nervously around the bouquet in my hands.

I felt like prey wandering into the middle of a room full of predators.

Calm down, I repeated to myself, keeping my head lowered as I continued forward.

The silence seemed to grow heavier with every step. Eventually, I reached the podium passing a silent nod to the priest before waiting.

Afterwards, the room fell silent. 

Seconds passed. The seconds turned to minutes, each one long and agonizing.

Yet on the other side there was nobody to act as a groom, there wasn't even the sound of footsteps.

My heart was beating so hard that I could feel it in my throat. I shifted my gaze towards the now closed chapel doors. 

Where was he? 

There was no way to ask. I didn't even dare to amidst the group of people. All that I could keep doing was waiting.

And so I waited and waited.

I shuffled slightly in an attempt to ease the ache in my legs. 

Had something happened? I wondered. Perhaps he was occupied. Perhaps it wasn't time yet. I wasn't even aware of the time. But given how everyone was here waiting, that seemed like a moot point.

Why else would he be absent, unless…

Unless he wasn't coming.

I gripped the  bouquet tightly as the thought sank in, solidifying. One of the unanswered questions I'd wondered about was coming to pass.

Maybe he was forced into this marriage as much as I was. Perhaps now, he had decided that rather than marry a woman he didn't want, he would simply leave me standing here.

My chest tightened. A part of me wanted to still deny it, but under the gazes of everyone present and the dawning silence, his absence only confirmed it.

I didn't want this either. I had already resigned myself to marrying a man I didn't know. A man who, for all reasons, I was afraid of before meeting him, but this? This somehow felt even worse.

I could imagine my parents sneering at me at this moment, probably finding a way to blame this on me. Or perhaps they knew it all along. They would look at me, satisfied that it wasn't Nessa that would go through this. 

My heart sank a little more with every new second. Murmurs and low conversations began to fill the room. I couldn't hear any of them, but a part of me felt they were all aimed at me, humiliating me. How long would it be before someone laughed? Perhaps they already knew that this was unwanted and we're playing the part.

Perhaps—

BANG!

I stiffened as the sound exploded through the chapel. I snapped towards the source to find the chapel doors groaning open.

“The groom has arrived.” someone announced.

In that instant, silence fell. 

Footsteps cut through it as a figure moved into the entrance. In shock, I snapped my gaze away and back towards the pulpit,  focusing on the ground.

He was here.

Soon, his footsteps reached me, stopping right beside me.From the corner of my vision I could make out the dark fabric of his clothes. He was wearing an equally black shirt and pants, completely unusual for a wedding.

I swallowed thickly, averting my gaze. 

“Mi dispiace, padre.” He suddenly spoke, “Non intendevo arrivare in ritardo. C'erano alcune cose di cui occuparsi.”

My breath hitched at the sound of his voice. It was nothing I'd ever expected. His deep voice sent shivers down my spine. 

What was wrong with me?

I quickly shut out my confusion, trying to brush off the strange feeling.

I recognized Italian, even though I didn't understand a single word of what he'd said. It seemed aimed at the priest.

“Purché non sia qualcosa che si possa confessare qui.” the priest spoke, confirming my thoughts.

“Visto il contesto, è meglio non saperlo, padre.” he replied, “Ma c'è una cosa che vorrei chiederti, se me lo permetti.”

There seemed to be raised eyebrows at that question. The priest leaned in and I heard the groom whisper to the older man. After a few seconds of silence I spotted the priest nod with a sense of finality. Apparently, whatever had been said was enough for him.

“Let's begin.” He announced loud enough for the hall to hear. With that, the ceremony officially began.

Minutes passed as I recited vows the priest dictated and soon it was his turn. My belly churned endlessly as I agreed to everything.

By the end, the priest finally spoke.

“Do you, Luca Damiani, take this woman to be your dearly beloved wife?”

Luca, I repeated the name mentally. That was his name. 

“Yes,” he replied.

“And do you, Nessa Hawthorne, take this man to be your dearly beloved husband?” the priest asked. 

The name he called made my insides tighten.

Nessa, not Clara. I couldn't forget that I was just a stand in, a substitute.

The lump in my throat tightened further. Gripping the Bouquet as my lifeline, I nodded.

“Yes.” My voice rang, as barely a whisper even to my own ears. I squeezed my eyes shut, fear encircling me. Had I made a mistake?

It turned out that I didn't need to because soon after the priest spoke.

“You have declared your consent before the Church and its witnesses.” The priest spoke, “May the Lord in his goodness strengthen your consent and fill you both with his blessings. L'uomo non separi ciò che Dio ha congiunto.” 

The words washed over me like a tidal wave. It was done.

…

Soon after, I went through the motions of signing the marriage contract. I didn't bother focusing, moving on reflex as my mind swam.

Throughout the wedding until now, I remained completely hidden. He hadn't lifted my veil and there was no call to kiss the bride. Perhaps it was a coincidence or by design. Maybe that was what he'd told the priest about. I had no idea and there was no way to know either, but it had to be. 

It just showed how unwanted this marriage was.

It didn't matter, I told myself. At least in this way without them seeing any signs or differences in my identity I could spare myself any further humiliation.

Now, I stood silently.

The people that attended the wedding all filed out little by little, some passing by us to greet us and saying a few words in what I identified as Italian. I could only make out a few words that included congratulations. I nodded silently to each one.

What was I supposed to do now? I had no idea which step to take or where to go.

A hand suddenly enveloped my wrist. I flinched, the lingering ache from the bruise making me stiffen only to glance up. 

It wasn't my father. It was my husband.

Luca Damiani.

I looked away immediately. Even through the veil, I didn't dare look at him.  I felt his stare scorch me, more intensely than I'd ever felt before.  My insides swirled with an unknown feeling.

“Let's go.” He— Luca I corrected myself — said deep voice rang even closer, warmth brushing through me. 

Right. He was my husband now. I had to follow him.

With a nod, I let him lead me away.