Chapter 5

Clara

Tension grew in me. Suddenly I regretted taking off the makeup. If he saw me like this…

At best he would be uninterested, at worst he would be angered or disappointed. 

My fingers trembled as I grasped the hem. My pulse raced, but it was inevitable. 

Closing my eyes, I lifted the veil all the way. 

Silence followed. I couldn't hear anything past my racing heart and the blood rushing through me. 

He wasn't saying anything. Why wasn't he saying anything?

“Look at me.” 

I tensed at his voice but was compelled by his command and opened my eyes. Once my vision came into focus, my heart skipped a beat.

Both veils both in the chapel and here made everything seem distant. It was a shield in a sense.

But now there was nothing between us. For the first time, I looked up at the man I'd married.

 Broad-shouldered, dressed in black shirt and pants, his frame towered over me. What stunned me more, however, was his face. 

His face matched his voice, stony and stoic. His jawline was defined with light stubble and the eyes I'd felt on me, the ones I didn't dare look towards beforehand were a swift icy blue.

There was no scar like Nessa said. He was the farthest thing from ugly.

If there was a proper word for him it was devilishly handsome.

I'd braced myself for the shock or the cold indifference that would no doubt come now but seconds passed without a word.

His eyes moved slowly across my features, lingering as if he were memorizing them. It looked like…awe?

“Beautiful,” he said, voice low and rough and my pulse stuttered.

Beautiful? 

I'd been called many things, most according to my parents. Dull and average were the best of them.

While we shared similar features, the freckles on my face and body were a spatter of imperfections in comparison to Nessa's flawlessness. My hair was usually put up from work. My lanky frame was bereft of the curves Nessa bore and the spattered freckles on my face and skin made me even more marred. 

I couldn't compare to Nessa who was born and raised in luxury, given the best skincare and clothes. 

But he'd just called me beautiful.

Heat flooded my cheeks. I had no time to process the words before he leaned towards me.

“I did tell them to bring you here,” he said, "And I have no plans on letting you sleep alone.As for our marriage, I'm more than pleased with it.”

His words set yet another bomb in my mind. His eyes were fixed on me with a suffocating intensity, like I was ready to drown me open.

“I… I don't understand.” I breathed out.

His face remained stony yet his gaze flickered. Suddenly he pulled away, taking a step back before looking away. 

I was taken aback at the shift. What was he doing?

I couldn't read him past that cold, brooding expression. Yet the way his brows furrowed made it seem like he was…contemplating?

 A few seconds passed. Then he looked up, eyes narrowed.

“You…don't hear Italian, do you?” He asked. 

I blinked. The question was so unexpected that I wondered if I had misunderstood him. Still I shook my head.

“No. Not really.” I replied. Something shifted in his expression and I watched his jaw tighten faintly.

“I…see.” he said. 

 What was he talking about? 

Before I could ask, he walked back towards me this time crouching to my level.

“I…apologise for my lateness in the ceremony.” He said in a strangely awkward tone. “It was my fault. When I arrived,  I'd told the priest but I didn't arrive in time due to…extenuating circumstances. It was an urgent deal to take care of. I was displeased with the obstacle, but I ensured to rush back here as soon as possible.”

Oh. 

His meaning finally sank in. He was referring to the ceremony. That Italian conversation. With the priest. So the words he'd said back then was this. 

Then the second half of his words hit. He'd rushed back for the wedding.  He hadn't been avoiding it. 

“My mind was preoccupied. I am used to conversing in Italian. I didn't consider…” he trailed off and hissed something I couldn't hear before looking up. “If that is what sparked your assumption, I'd tell you now that I'm not unwilling.”

Why?

The question hung on my lips. I was still stunned at the revelation. My earlier assumption of it being unwanted was false but it brought more confusion. 

Did that mean that his family hadn't pressured him? He actually wanted this wedding? 

Why would he want to marry me?

No, I corrected myself, he believed I was Nessa.

My lips felt dry as I parted them to speak but  came up with nothing. Instinctively, I licked them and found his eyes following the movement.

My insides fluttered and I froze in place but his gaze lingered for seconds before returning to mine. Even when half crouched, I still had to look towards him. His eyes had darkened into a look more intense.

“Bellissime.” 

I inhaled sharply. I didn't know Italian, but that word unmistakably meant ‘beautiful’.

He'd called me beautiful again.

Lost in his eyes I barely saw his hand come up before brushing my cheek. I nearly flinched when his palm cupped it firmly, tilting my face toward him.

It didn't hurt but there was something undeniably commanding about the way he held me, so dominant and firm yet gentle.

My pulse quickened as he stared down at me..his face still impenetrable, yet his eyes intensely pierced me.

“May I kiss you?”

What?

“I…what?” I breathed out. He leaned closer, close enough that his breath brushed my skin.

 “I was asking,” he said, “may I kiss you, dear wife?”

I didn't know which one was more shocking. That he wanted to kiss me or the fact that he was actually asking.

His gaze searched mine for a few seconds before he huffed.

 “You keep looking at me,” he murmured,  “as though you think I'm going to eat you.”

My eyes widened at his words.

“I-Im not—”

“You do.” He cut me off. “You are now. I wasn't planning to though. At least, not in any literal sense.”

There was the faintest hint of amusement in his voice. My hands curled against the dress. Was it really so obvious?

Shame twinged in me. I couldn't deny it. I was afraid at first, even if resigned to my fate.

Was I now? Seeing the man in front of me whim despite his cold face and indifferent words, spoke vastly differently, I didn't know anymore.

I swallowed thickly but didn't say a word. His stare remained for a few seconds before his lips twitched.

“How about a trial then?” He asked, “You can decide afterward whether you were right to be afraid.”

That made me jolt. Before I could think, he leaned in and my lips were suddenly enveloped.

My heart skipped a beat before it fully sank in. He was kissing me. 

This was the first time in a long, long time that  I'd been kissed. Not once, not in all my late twenties. 

What was I supposed to do? 

In the end I could only grasp at the sheets below as my pulse roared in my ears.

His kiss was a soft, unfamiliar pressure against my lips. Pressing only enough to feel it without pushing further. I felt the warmth, the movements tingle, the  sensation of a quiet spark that travelled straight down my spine.

But it was only for a moment.

He pulled away and I blinked frantically to recover. When I looked up, his eyes were fixed on me like a whirlpool.

“Do you want more?” he asked.

 The shadow of his kiss lingered with a warm tingling sensation, making me want to lick my lips again. 

It was unfamiliar. Foreign.

And yet… I wanted to try it again.

Locked under his hypnotic gaze, I nodded.

Under the lights, I could have sworn his lips ticked upwards, but it was soon forgotten as he leaned in.

The second kiss felt nothing like the first. This time, when his lips met mine, I was ready for it.

His mouth moved with patient care, coaxing rather than demanding. I felt his thumb stroking lightly along my jaw as if to steady me. It settled like a grounding weight until my nerves began to melt beneath the careful attention. 

I didn't realise when my eyes slipped closed or when my lips parted. He pulled closer until I felt his tongue slip in, gently stroking and intertwining with mine. 

“Mmmm,” A soft sound left me, muffled under his lips. The warm tingling sensation throbbed lower. On instinct, I closed my legs together to ease it, but it only made it ache more. It settled low in my belly and spread outward, warming places I had never paid attention to before.

I reached out and ended up clutching at the front of his shirt as the unfamiliar pleasure unfurled.

He tilted my head and suddenly the kiss was deeper. Hotter. 

The weight of his other hand settled on my back and I was suddenly pulled flush against his chest. I gasped at the firm press of his rock hard body, against mine but his lips swallowed it. 

Warmth filled my senses. The salacious feeling of his kiss, his touch made the heat grow. 

It was so, SO good.

I clutched at his shirt s s arched closer, seeking more of the heat and the strange, sweet ache that was building inside me.

I wanted more. More of this. More of HIM.

Suddenly without breaking the kiss, I felt myself pushed lower until I lay fully on the mattress. A noise left me but I was quickly swallowed by his mouth. 

“Oh..mmmm.” A soft, helpless sound escaped me when his tongue brushed mine again. I chased after it until we intertwined, slipping against each other. My hands slid higher until my fingers curled against the warm skin at the side of his neck.

His body soon enveloped mine. Something bitter, hard against my belly. It was…

I gasped against his lips as he shifted, between my parted legs and suddenly rocked forward, colliding with my core.

Pleasure streaked through me.  I pulled away, letting out a muffled moan  as the length pressed between my legs. Pulsing. 

And then, just as quickly, he pulled back. I blinked, dazed as the tingling sensation and the throbbing inside me didn't stop.

Why did he stop?

“Tonight's our wedding night” he murmured, his husky voice sending a shiver. Meeting his eyes through my daze I met the darkened look of unmistakable desire. There was still something strangely clear about it.

His words swam through my mind. What was he talking about again? Wedding night…

Oh.

My blood ran cold at the realization. My body grew taut, this time with something sharper than worry.

He must have felt the slight stiffening of my body, because his expression shifted into something.

“I planned to wait, to let you rest tonight and grow accustomed to this place.” He said, tilting his head as he brushed my hair away, “But you're full of surprises cara. I didn't expect you to wait for me nor did I expect to lose control like this.”

Heat rushed through my cheeks. I didn't expect it either. How easily had I given into this feeling?

“If you want to stop here, we can.” 

I looked up in surprise but his gaze never wavered. 

“We won’t do anything you don’t want, cara.” He said. “You set the pace. Always.”

If I took this step, there would be no going back. It didn't look like a trick either. He'd given me a chance to refuse. This was an out I needed. It should have made it easier. 

I should have pulled away. But now…

I swallowed, lips tingling, body humming with a restless, heat I had never known. The fear was gone, replaced with something else. From the lingering tingle on my lips to the heat pooling in my belly my body thrummed.

I didn't want to. 

My belly swooped as I sat up and met his eyes. Before he could move away, I reached out and grasped at his sleeve.

His gaze flitted to his sleeve, then to me.

“I…I want to,” I whispered. Then, softer, almost ashamed, “B-But there's something else you should know first. I haven't… It’s… this will be my first time.”

 I braced myself for his look. To admit that I was a virgin at nearly 25 years was embarrassing enough. In his eyes, wouldn't I be a freak?

But he didn’t look disappointed. Instead, warm hands cupped my face more fully. His eyes felt warm 

“Don’t worry cara,” he murmured. “I’ll take care of you. You only have to tell me if anything feels wrong.”

My breath hitched, warmth settling inside me. 

I didn't understand.

He was supposed to be dangerous. A ruthless man who had shady dealings. I was just a bargain in a marriage.

Why then was he treating me so gently?