Chapter 4

Clara

“I…Well— they…” 

 I couldn't say that they were unwilling. That might be true if I was Nessa’s, but wouldn't saying that just make it look like they were ungrateful? 

I couldn't say that they were happy to let me go either. That would contradict the false identity I was hiding under and cause suspicion.

What then, could I say? 

“They are…fine.”  I winced inwardly. Even my words were painfully bland. Why couldn't I say something flattering?

My mind flashed to my father's wrath. The phantom pain from his grip. My mother's steely warnings and the victorious look on Nessa's face. None of those things matched the appearance I was supposed to portray. 

“Nevermind then.” he said before I could correct my error. The silence left the lump in my throat even heavier.

If it was a test, I'd surely failed.

It was okay, I thought. I could bear this.

 I had to.

…

The scenery changed to yet another remote area. Unlike the last however, this one looked far more luxurious. 

When the car finally stopped, I found myself  in awe. A mansion, illuminated by warm lights, looked larger and more luxurious than anything I'd seen.

“Are you going to keep staring?” 

His icy tone jerked me to reality. Had he been waiting?

“I’m sorry.” I whispered contritely as I opened my side of the door. 

To my surprise, after exiting the car he didn't leave me behind. Instead, he reached my side and like before, grasped my hand.

 My pulse stuttered again as the warmth enveloped me but I bit the inside of my cheek to hold it back.

Keep my head down. Know my place. I couldn't forget.

With that, I remained silent as he led me into the mansion.

If I'd thought the outside was luxurious, the inside was even more overwhelming.

A grand chandelier hung above the entrance hall, its light reflecting against polished marble floors. There were tall columns, dark wood paneling and expensive furniture I knew without a doubt had age to them.

Several maids were waiting in the hall, all heads bowed. 

“Talia, Emilia, take her to the bedroom. The rest of you are dismissed tonight.” he ordered.

“Sì signore.” A chorus echoed. Before I could process it, his phone rang. He looked at it before releasing my hand.

“Go.” He said and walked towards another hallway without sparring a glance. A pang filled me at the loss of warmth, but I stifled it, watching until he disappeared.

“Signora?”

 I turned towards the voice to find two young women waiting for me, one dark haired and the other brunette. They were no doubt the Talia and Emilia he'd mentioned.

 “Please follow us.” one of them said. I nodded, letting them lead me towards the room I'd be staying in.

When we reached it, I was stunned at the sight.

The room was a master bedroom, larger compared to anything I'd ever had. Tall curtains shielded the windows and a warm dim light illuminated the room. A massive bed stood in the center, covered in red silk sheets.

There was also a sitting area near the windows, a vanity and another set of doors that likely led into the bathroom. 

Was this mine?

“Your luggage has already been arranged, Signora.” the darker haired one said, snapping me back to reality, “If there is anything you need, you may tell us. Do you need us to help you undress—”

“I… N-No.” I blurted out, “There's no need. This…is this room just for me?”

They looked confused, but I couldn't hold myself back from asking. 

Back when my parents moved into the mansion, I was never given a choice on the room to pick. It was Nessa, who was a toddler then, that had a choice, carried throughout the mansion on their shoulders to decide. In contrast, I was given a random room and told to stay there from that moment on. It was closer to the back of the house and smaller in comparison to many others but they didn't care. I couldn't complain either.

They made eye contact with each other before turning back to me.

“It belongs to you and Signore Damiani Signora.” the brunette answered. “At his orders, we brought you here.”

Oh. 

Shock and disappointment twinged that I quickly pushed away. It made sense. It was ridiculous to fathom having a master bedroom to myself.

But why?

“Thank you.” I said, forcing a smile. They bowed in return. 

“In that case, we bid you goodnight Signora.” The dark haired one spoke before they retreated, shutting the doors. Alone, I looked around the room, HIS room.

Why would he bring me here?

 If he was just as unwilling about this marriage, he could have put me in a separate, smaller room. Someone who was known to be ruthless and cruel was capable of that.

But he hadn't been cruel, I thought, clenching the hand he'd held. Through my quick glances from the veil, he didn't look ugly either…

My gaze landed on the enormous bed and my chest tightened as a late realization kicked in.

Tonight was technically also the wedding night.

Was that why he'd brought me here?

Panic washed over me. Nobody knew this, but I hadn't had my first time. I was a virgin. 

But I was already here. There was no going back.

“It's alright.” I whispered the mantra that followed me through this. 

First, I needed a shower. 

Taking a deep breath, I entered the bathroom and unveiled myself in the mirror. My reflection under fluorescent lights stood out with the makeup still intact. 

The same makeup my mother wanted had gone unseen and now felt irrelevant. I couldn't possibly sleep with it, could I?

It took time to unravel everything singlehandedly from my hair to the dress to the makeup before entering the bathroom. When I returned after my shower, the tension had lowered. 

I moved towards the wardrobe and swallowed at the sight.

Like everything else, my mother was in charge of my luggage and got rid of anything associated with my identity. Her selection, to my expectations, consisted of old leftovers of Nessa's closet. 

I couldn't think about that now. Instead I pulled out the sole recognizable piece; a satin white lingerie slip dress with a matching satin veil. 

It was a mimicry of the real wedding dress and ironically one my mother  instructed me to wear tonight.

‘Given your flaws, the least you can do is seduce him’ she'd said ‘He may not like your bland attitude, but you're a woman. At least make an attempt.’

I'd wanted to tell her that I knew nothing of how, but it wouldn't have mattered.

I wore the dress and seconds later, wore an additional red robe to cover up my overexposed shoulders and arms from the night chill. It may not have been what my mother wanted, but she wasn't here.

‘He might not come.’ a thought that sounded suspiciously like Nessa's made me tense.

I knew that. From his attitude, he didn't plan on acknowledging me more than necessary. I wasn't going to force him to either. The fact that I was here and he hadn't harmed me was enough.

Twenty minutes, I decided. If he didn't come, I would take it as a sign.

 Sitting on the bed, I put on the veil and began the internal countdown. 2 minutes passed. Then 5. Then 13. 

Right as it reached the 19th minute, the door opened. I gripped the sheets hard as soon as I heard him come in. Seconds later, there was a  huff.

“Another veil?” his voice rang. I pursed my lips, not making a sound. 

The door shut, his footsteps approaching. Under the opaque veil I could only see his vague shadow outlined against the lights. 

A part of me expected him to rush to the bed, throw me down and have his way with me. The other part believed he would be cold and a slim hopeful part hoped that the man who'd grasped my hand would be at least a little gentle. 

But did I have a choice either way?

I was under no illusions of what tonight was. All I could do was brace myself.

It could happen anytime now… 

“Why aren't you asleep?” he asked and I was left bewildered.

He expected me to sleep?

“I…I thought…” I stuttered, "T-tonight is the wedding night, so I thought…”

The rest of the words died in my throat. What had I been thinking?

I'd misunderstood everything. 

Before I could speak, a chuckle interrupted me.  It was so different from the cold tone before. He didn't sound angry. He sounded AMUSED. 

A strange fluttering sensation sprang in my chest  followed by the low thrum in my belly. I squeezed my legs tighter. What was wrong with me?

‘Don't be an embarrassment.’

That thought was like an ice bath, ridding the strange sensations. What was I thinking? He was amused because I'd undoubtedly embarrassed myself now. 

He hadn't expected me to be waiting for him. He'd wanted me to be asleep, undoubtedly because I would be a nuisance if I wasn't. There was no intention of spending the wedding night and I'd foolishly made a mistake.

 I had to rectify it.

“I’m sorry,” I said quietly. “If you want me to leave, I will.”

In an instant, his chuckle died and silence fell. I shut my eyes, mortified.

“T-The maids told me to come here so I thought...” I continued. “I assumed wrongly. I didn't intend to…to intrude or pressure you. I know you don't want this marriage either. If you need to sleep, I can stay in another room—”

“No.”

That single word sucked the air from the room. I opened my eyes and through the veil, found his shadow facing me. 

He took a step toward me and I fought the urge to shrink back. Dread sank as earlier thoughts of his cruelty sank back in.

“I…” I wanted to say something. An apology, an explanation. But would that be enough?

“What right did you have to assume I wanted you gone?” he asked.

What?

My lips parted without a sound. I couldn't understand. His indifference towards me was clear enough. What then, did he mean?

He took one step closer. Then another. His shadow drew closer through my covered sight until he stopped in front of me. 

My breath hitched. It was too close. So close I swore moving my legs an inch would brush. 

“Lift your veil,” he ordered. “I want to see you properly.”