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CHAPTER NINETY ONE
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2026-03-14 19:05:06
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TABOO (A DEAL WITH THE SHADOW ALPHA) CHAPTER NINETY THREE
ADDISONSomething moved in his face."I want to," I said honestly. "I have been trying to, actually. It would be so much simpler if I just hated you and was done with it." I looked at him. "But I can't. I've tried and I can't and that is extremely inconvenient and I'd like you to know I'm somewhat annoyed about it.""I'm tired," I said. "I am exhausted and I hurt and I'm a bit scared and I think it's going to take me a while to — get used to this, That's just honest." I met his eyes. "But some part of me says you wouldn't hurt me. It has been saying that since the elevator and everything that has happened since hasn't managed to change it." I held his gaze. "Don't make me regret that.""I won't," he said. Low and absolute."Would you—" he stopped. Breathed. "Would you give me another chance? To actually start this properly. Not a deal, not a setup, a chance for me to fix this — to fix us?" looked at me for a second like he wasn't certain he'd heard correctly.Then: "You're asking me—
TABOO (A DEAL WITH THE SHADOW ALPHA) CHAPTER NINETY TWO
ADDISON"But then," he agreed. "I saw an interview. You were talking about your brand, your design process. I don't even remember what you said. I remember watching it and feeling something I had never felt before and not knowing what to do with it." He looked at his hands. "I started looking for you after that. I wasn't even sure what I was looking for. I knew you might be my mate but I wasn't certain, I had no frame of reference, I had nothing to compare it to. I just knew I was being pulled toward you in a way I couldn't account for." He met my eyes. "And then the elevator."The elevator. The first time we had been in the same physical space, that specific charged silence, the way he had looked at me like I was something he had been expecting to find and had resigned himself to never actually finding."You knew then," I said."The moment the doors opened," he said. "Yes."I sat with that for a moment. The timeline of it. The shape of it from his side, which I had never had before.
TABOO (A DEAL WITH THE SHADOW ALPHA) CHAPTER NINETY ONE
ADDISONThe room was very still.I looked at him. At this man who had come into my life and rearranged everything inside it and lied to me and also, apparently, somewhere in the middle of all of it, fallen in love with me. I believed it. "Your father," I said, after a moment.I felt it immediately. The shift in the air around him, the almost imperceptible change in the set of his shoulders that I had learned to read without knowing I was reading it."He hates me," Axel said simply. "And I don't like him. We are even on that." He looked at the window. "He loved my mother more than anything. And he watched her die because of me. He looked at me and saw the thing that had taken her from him and he—" A pause. "He cast me out. Out of the pack, out of the family, out of everything. I was an infant and he looked at me and made his decision." He said it without self-pity. Without drama. Just with the quiet matter-of-factness of someone reporting the weather. "I understand it, in a way. I don
TABOO (A DEAL WITH THE SHADOW ALPHA) CHAPTER NINETY
ADDISONHe looked at me for a long moment after I asked it.The question was still hanging in the air between us, quiet and enormous, and I kept my hand on his jaw and made myself hold his gaze because if I looked away I was going to lose my nerve and I had already spent two days in a warehouse and a night being carried home and approximately three hours trying to convince myself I didn't need to hear the answer. I was done losing my nerve."You still want to listen to me?" he said.His voice was low. Careful. Like he was genuinely asking, genuinely unsure, after everything, whether I had decided he was worth the air the answer would take up."Yes," I said. "Tell me everything. Please." I searched his face. "Don't lie to me. Maybe knowing the truth would make it hurt less."Something shifted in his expression. Something that had been braced against impact slowly, carefully, let go.He exhaled once. Looked down at my hand still on his jaw and then back up at my face. Then he moved, not
TABOO (A DEAL WITH THE SHADOW ALPHA) CHAPTER EIGHTY NINE
Axel. Standing in the middle of my living room with his jacket in his hand like he had been on his way out. Like he had decided to go and I had stopped him and now we were here, in this specific suspended moment, looking at each other across the length of my apartment.He looked terrible.I noticed that before I could stop myself from noticing it. He looked like someone who had not slept in longer than I had, which was saying something. There was dried blood on his knuckles. His jaw was set in that way it got when he was holding something very carefully contained, and his eyes, green, just green now, normal, the same eyes I had looked into a hundred times — were watching me with an expression I didn't have a clean name for. Too many things in it. Too many layers.I also noticed, before I could stop that either, that the fear was still there.It was sitting in my chest, Because this was Axel. This was the man I knew. The man who had made me coffee without being asked and remembered ho
TABOO (A DEAL WITH THE SHADOW ALPHA) CHAPTER EIGHTY EIGHT
AXELHer voice.I stopped.Rough from sleep and two days of god knows what and still, even exhausted, even with everything, carrying that particular quality I had never heard in anyone else's voice. Something steady underneath the roughness. Something that had survived everything the last forty eight hours had thrown at it and was still, somehow, standing.I turned around slowly.Addison was looking at me from the bedroom doorway. She had gotten up while my back was turned, was standing with one hand on the door frame, Jules hovering approximately two inches behind her with an expression that was equal parts protective and concerned and not at all happy about this development.She looked terrible. She looked like someone who had been through two days of hell and hadn't slept nearly enough and had a bruise on her cheek and marks on her wrists and was standing upright through stubbornness alone.She also looked like the most important thing in the world to me. But I was reasonably sure
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