Chapter 9

I stood there, the heaviness of my veil weighed down on me, like it was reminding me, clarifying that I was indeed the substitute

The lace scratched over my skin, suffocating as though it knew it didn’t belong to me. That I wasn’t supposed to wear it.

The gown wasn’t mine, and this day, thus cursed day was never meant for me.

Mother’s sharp voice rang in my ears, reminding me of the title I held and not to screw it up.

Not to screw my family’s business in the mud, because my behavior at this weapon would determine my fathers business future.

“Smile.. you’ve always kept a borny face; not today”she said, but how could I smile ?

How could I laugh and let my cheekbones betray me?

when I know the void that is feeling inside of me.

Sure they would be happy, but me… no one really knew what I wanted.

“Stop fidgeting, when the doors open, you smile, do you hear me?” She ordered again.

The repetition of laughter I had to carry.

Smile?, when my sister had run off and left me to pick pieces of her perfect life ?

When I had to face the reality of a loveless marriage, knowing fully well that the man I yearn for didn’t look at me with the same eyes I did for him.

Garbage!

The doors finally opened, and it swallowed me as I gently lifted my dress up so I could walk, while some maids were holding the tail of my dress.

As expected, condemning gasps filled the air, I felt eyes judging me… or maybe that was just my anxiety talking.

They knew, it was clear on their faces.

Surprised faces that expected to see Katherine, and disappointed to see me, the less attractive nobody.

Every step I took towards the aisle drained me, my chest sinking in a drum roll.

But I couldn’t let go, if I did I knew I would collapse right there on the cathedral icy floor.

And there he was.

Xavier Sinclair, my first love, my first romance standing before my eyes, tall shoulder framed god of a man.

I chewed on my thoughts, I was lusting over something that was never mine.

You know, I had dreamed of a day like this, me and him together on the aisle, this exact same setting.

But the hearts were different, I never imagined my dreams would become a reality through someone else.

His eyes met mine for a second, cold, ruthless and empty before he looked away.

I gulped down hard and kept walking.

This was supposed to be Katherine’s moment, Katherine groom, Katherine bouquet.

Katherine! Katherine !! Katherine !!!

Even in your absence, you still drown me in your shadows.

What kind of test was this, it was better if I wished them well and watched them marry, than for me to leave a fake marital life.

The priest invaded my thoughts, and I was back to this substitute realm.

“Do you, Xavier Sinclair, take Olivia Blackford, to be your lovely wedded wife,to have and to hold, from this day forward, in sickness and in health, in richness and in debt, for better and for words, till you both turn grey and until death do you part ?”

So long and fancy, so much for someone who would still break the rules..

“Yes I do,” Xavier said.

What a liar.

“And do you Olivia Blackford, take this man, Xavier Blackford to be your…”

“I do,” I said without even letting him finish, my knees were hurting, we already know I will, I mean I couldn’t say no, move on already.

Everybody looked at me like I was foreign, I could feel my mother’s gaze digging through the material into my skin.

Xavier on the other hand smirked, what a peanut.

The priest withdrawn, went on,

“By the power vested in me I province you man and wife”

I was the woman he married never his wife,

As we exchanged our metal rings the priest said;

“You may now kiss the bride”

And there it was, a kiss on the cheeks, not like most couples who would embrace themselves and kiss heartedly on the lips, their mouth forming a covenant of love.

Mine was brief, soft and tender on the cheek.

But I won’t lie, that kiss unleashed thousands of butterflies in me, that was the effect he had on me.

The crowd stood with applause, flowers fading here and there. Whistles and claps through the hallway.

This was it, I had fulfilled my duty, I just didn’t know how much long I would last in it.

I kept a smile on my face, just like I was instructed to.

That was what the Blackford name required, but inside of me, I was screaming.

I threw my bouquet and the lucky lady who picked it out of all the girls, twirled with grace and joy.

May that love never find her, I hope it doesn’t because what happened here was nothing like romance.

As we turned to walk down the aisle together.

I felt the hollowness between us like a canon.

His cold veiny hands brushed mine,and I wanted to pull away but the camera flashed and I played my role.

Still I couldn’t keep my eyes from peeking through his pockets.

There was something strange there, a paper ?… from who.

It was folded neatly like it was given out with a motive,did he even know it was in his coat?

Again, the woman, my sister Katherine ghost haunted me.

My mind concluded that it was her, she was here, she didn’t leave, she watched this!!

That was what my brain had told me to think,how could I not ?… when she was the reason I was left with this forced betrothal.

Pushing him lightly till the paper fell

I succeeded, but got a choking look from him.

I saw her handwriting

“Enjoy your bride fantasy play“

I was right, it was her !!