Chapter 4: THE FIRST JEALOUSY

Doctor day again and God I was dreading it but at least this time I was ready.  

New pills in my pocket that rattled when I walked, hair braided tight so I didn’t look like a mess, uniform clean even though I’d ironed it twice last night because I didn’t know why I cared but I did.  

Sal was waiting by the car in the same black shirt as yesterday and the same tired eyes like he hadn’t slept and probably hadn’t.  

"Morning," he said like it cost him something.  

"Morning."  

The ride was quiet except for the driver breathing and Sal kept looking at me from the corner of his eye like he was counting to make sure I was still breathing, still there, still okay and it was annoying and nice at the same time.  

The clinic was the same. White. Too clean. Quiet in that way that makes you feel sick.  

Dr Hale smiled when he saw me like we were old friends. "Miss Carter How are we feeling"  

"Tired," I said because I was.  

"That’s normal New medication takes time" and then he had me lie down on that cold paper and his hands were freezing when he checked my blood pressure and listened to my heart and asked "Any pain"  

"A little Here" I pointed to my side and he pressed right there and it hurt but not bad.  

"Okay I’m going to do a quick ultrasound to check the kidney."  

Sal was sitting in the chair by the wall scrolling his phone but he looked up.  

"I’ll step out," he said.  

"No" and it came out too fast and too loud and both of them stared at me and I felt my face go hot. "I mean... it’s fine if you stay."  

Dr Hale just shrugged. "Suit yourself."  

He pulled the curtain and the gel was so cold on my stomach I sucked in a breath and the machine made those weird whooshing sounds and Dr Hale was quiet for a minute then said "Looks stable But you really need to rest more Maya."  

"I am resting."  

And then his hand slipped when he moved the wand and he brushed my stomach, just an accident, nothing, but Sal saw it because his whole body went still in that chair.  

I felt the air change like someone opened a freezer.  

"That’s enough," Sal said and his voice was flat in that way that meant it wasn’t flat at all.  

Dr Hale didn’t even look up. "One more minute I need to check"  

"I said that’s enough."  

Now he looked up and he was annoyed. "Sir I’m her doctor I need to"  

"She’s done."  

And that was it.  

Dr Hale wiped the gel off me fast like he couldn’t get away quick enough. "Everything looks fine Come back next week."  

And he left.  

It was just me and Sal and I didn’t know what to say.  

"You didn’t have to do that," I whispered because the room felt too small.  

"Do what"  

"Act like that He was just doing his job."  

Sal stood up and walked to the door without looking at me. "Let’s go."  

In the car he didn’t talk at all and his hands were gripping the wheel too tight and his jaw was doing that thing and I wanted to ask but I was scared so I didn’t until we were halfway home.  

"Are you mad at me"  

"No."  

"Then what"  

"Nothing."  

Liar.  

Back at the house my side hurt and I didn’t know if it was from the doctor or from stress or from him being mad and then there was a knock and Mrs Delaney said "Mr Romano wants you in the study Now."  

My stomach dropped.  

The study was dark and full of books and he was standing by the window with his back to me like he couldn’t look at me.  

"Close the door," he said.  

I did and it clicked shut too loud.  

"Did he hurt you"  

"No."  

"Did he touch you and you didn’t like it"  

"Sal he was checking my kidney It’s his job people get touched at the doctor all the time."  

He turned around finally and his eyes were gray and stormy and pissed. "I don’t like other men touching you."  

And that hit me in the chest because nobody had ever said something like that to me before.  

"I’m your maid."  

"You’re more than that."  

"More than what"  

He didn’t answer he just walked to me and stopped too close like he always did when he was about to say something stupid or something true.  

"Tell me I’m crazy," he said quiet. "Tell me I have no right to feel like this."  

I couldn’t.  

Because I felt it too that stupid jealous twist in my gut when he looked at me like I belonged to him.  

He reached out and brushed my hair behind my ear and his fingers stayed there a second too long. "Maya Don’t make me want you Because if I want you I can’t let you go And if I can’t let you go someone will use you to hurt me."  

"I’m not"  

"You are."  

He cut me off. "You’re the only thing in this house that’s soft And I’m not a soft man."  

My chest hurt but not my kidney this time.  

"Then what do we do"  

"We pretend," he said and he looked tired saying it. "This is just employer and employee Nothing else."  

"Okay," I whispered even though it was a lie.  

"Liar."  

We stood there breathing the same air for like ten seconds and then he stepped back like I’d burned him. "Go Eat something."  

Dinner was awful after that. Three chairs between us again like we were strangers and he ate fast and didn’t look at me and then "Goodnight" and he was gone.  

I cried in my room that night quiet because I didn’t know what the hell we were doing.  

The next two days he was cold again. Don again.  

"Don’t be late"  

"Finish that"  

"Go to bed"  

No dinner. No talking. No sketchbook.  

And I hated it. I missed it so much it was stupid.  

On day 3 Mrs Delaney said "Family dinner tonight You’re serving."  

"Me"  

"Mr Romano said so."  

The dining room was full of people who looked at me like I was something they scraped off their shoe. Sal’s mother, his brother Marco who was younger and loud, two aunts, an uncle, all of them.  

"Who’s this" his mother asked loud enough for everyone to hear.  

"The new maid," Sal said with zero emotion.  

"She looks sick," one of the aunts said.  

"She’s fine," Sal said.  

I poured wine with my hands shaking and Marco smiled at me. "Hey What’s your name"  

"Maya sir."  

"Pretty name."  

"Marco," Sal said and it was a warning.  

"What I’m just talking."  

I finished serving and stood by the wall trying to be invisible which was good until halfway through dinner when the pain came back sharp and bad and I grabbed my side and tried to walk out but the room tilted and then arms were around me before I hit the floor.  

Sal.  

"Delaney Doctor Now" he yelled and everyone was talking at once and his mother was like "What is wrong with her" and Marco was "Is she okay" but Sal didn’t answer any of them he just carried me to the couch and put me down so gentle it didn’t make sense.  

"Hey Hey look at me."  

I opened my eyes. Everything was blurry.  

"Don’t do this Not here."  

"Sorry," I whispered.  

"Don’t apologize."  

The doctor came and said it was exhaustion and stress and "She needs to lie down."  

"She’ll stay in my room," Sal said.  

And the whole room went quiet.  

"What did you say" his mother asked.  

"I said she’s staying in my room tonight So I can make sure she’s okay."  

"She’s the maid Salvatore."  

"And she’s under my protection."  

And he picked me up and walked out past all of them like he didn’t care who saw and maybe he didn’t.  

In his room he put me on the bed with the dark sheets that smelled like him and sat on the edge and brushed my hair back.  

"You scared me," he said and his voice was rough.  

"I’m sorry."  

"Stop saying sorry."  

He sighed and ran a hand through his hair. "I’m an idiot I thought if I was cold you’d be safe But you’re not safe when I’m cold You’re not safe when I’m not there."  

"Don’t say things like that."  

"Why"  

"Because I’ll believe them."  

He was quiet for a long time and then he lay down next to me on top of the covers careful like I was glass. "Sleep I’m here."  

And I did.  

For the first time in forever I slept and wasn’t scared because his hand was holding mine and the Don was watching the door.  

In the morning I woke up alone but there was tea on the table and a note that said Eat Rest Don’t leave the room -S  

Downstairs everyone acted like nothing happened but Marco winked at me and his mother wouldn’t look at me at all which was fine.  

That night at dinner he pulled my chair closer. Two chairs away instead of three.  

Progress.  

After dinner he stopped me in the hall. "About yesterday With the doctor."  

"You don’t have to"  

"I do."  

He looked down at the floor like it was hard to say. "I’m jealous And possessive And I don’t know how to do this But I’m trying For you."  

I nodded and my eyes were burning. "Me too."  

He almost smiled then and reached out and tucked my hair behind my ear. "Now go to bed Maya Before I do something stupid."  

"Like what"  

"Like kiss you."  

My breath caught and he walked away before I could answer.  

I went to my room with my heart pounding and my hand on my chest because this was dangerous all of it was dangerous but for the first time I didn’t want to be invisible.  

I wanted him to see me.