Chapter 4

“I want to be a stripper”

“WHAT!!!!!” she said with disbelief before he wipes the side of her lips and look at the floor where she spit a big amount of water.

“I also want to work and help you here, for almost a week I been spending a lot of your money because I don’t have any, but this time I want to work and earn money on my own.” I said as I handed her the cloth to clean the water on the floor.

“I understand, but why would you ever choose to be a stripper? Do you know what does that job do?!” she said and started wiping the floor using her feet. “Strippers use and sell their body for money, you’ll dance in front of the stage while stripping in front of those dirty thirsty perverted guys,” she said and look at me. 

“Yeah, I know and I’ve already watch you do it” I said making her stop wiping the floor and look at me, she stood up and face me with narrows stares. “You can’t just do it because you saw me do it, that’s different, Louen!!” she said and hit my forehead using her fingers. 

“If you can do, I can do it too, isa pa it’s the easiest job I could find, because it would be hard for me to look for other decent job, it might affect my studies, not like being a stripper I’ll just do it at night” I explained. “Aren’t you scared? You almost got rape back then and now you want to be a stripper? Being a stripper and being rape is in the same path Louen. You’ll sell your body to earn money.” she said and started putting the groceries in the fridge. 

“Can you do anything about it? Please, Rie I want to earn money on my own. Please, Rie help m----” she cut me out and say, “HEY!!! don’t beg me ok, if this is what you want, then I can’t do anything about it. But I’m telling you, being a stripper is dangerous than you ever think.” She said and seriously look at me, I nodded at her and help her. 

After that we started eating breakfast together, “If you really want to be a stripper, I’m gonna ask you know, what can you offer them?” she asks in a serious expression while eating our breakfast.

“I can dance… I can do a sexy dance, I can stri----” she cut me out and said, “I’m not letting you strip in front of them, like I do. You can dance with sexy lingerie but stripping is out of your league, ok.” She said with frowned brows, I smiled and she acted like a mom. 

“I’m ok with that” I answer, then smile at her. She stares at me and say, “If you really are going to enter my world, I need to tell you things and train you” Erille said and continue eating. I nodded and ate too. 

***

“First: Being a stripper should be fearless, don’t let them see that you’re weak, in my world you need to be fearless and strong because that’s the only thing you have since stripping already lose your dignity as a woman.” She said as we seat inside the practice room of the university.

After classes she said we should train here that’s why we’re here. 

“Second: There are good nights and bad nights, there are nights that has a lot of money that you can earn but there are off nights, where earning money is tough get. Being a stripper is hard if costumers don’t like your style.” she’s so mature, and I can see that what she’s saying is reflecting to her personality, she’s fearless. 

“Third: Play with boys just like how you play with fire. Boy and Men are dangerous but you have to know how to dominate them, being a stripper doesn’t mean that you’re on the lower level, you also have to know how to became above them even if this is your work. Play with them and earn money in the smartest way you know” 

“Fourth: When you're at the pole don’t think about the money, think about the sensation that the music gives you, for a better performance. Our club contains three pole stages, the center stage where the main star dance for two music. Next is the two small side stage beside the main stage, at the side pole you’ll dance one music there and get a tip personally from men’s and the last stage is on the VIP stage where money fly and fall to your body, one round of music lang doon kaya you have to give your best there, to earn big amount of money” I nodded and memorizing what’s she’s saying. 

“Fifth: the last one doesn’t fall for men’s sweet trash words, remember they just want you when your dancing, your body and not your heart. Remember that!” she said as she stood up and tie her hair up.

“Come on, let’s dance” she said and walked to the pole.  I smile and follow her. 

“Because you’re new to this, you still need to audition, and I’m telling you the house mom just want a tempting music for an audition, wrong music will make you lose a chance. So pick wisely” she’s giving me some advice while lifting up her body up the pole and start doing tricks.

I stayed silent and tried to think of music while Rie started dancing. I need music that could set me on fire while I’m on the pole. What music?

Erille and I practiced till 6 pm and decided to go home and eat dinner before she’d go to work. “Lock the door Louen, goodnight” Rie said and smiled at me before she closed the door. I lock it just like what she said. 

I sat on the bed and think of a good music to use. While scrolling on my phone I stop when I saw a picture of me with my family. I smile bitterly, “I think they're happy now that I’m gone” I whisper and delete the picture. 

If they don’t want me, I don’t need them..

I spend my whole night thinking of a song and start making choreography, I just wake up the next morning fully decided. I already have my music. It’s a Sunday so I have no class and Rie said that my audition will happen this afternoon.

I didn’t waste my time and decided to go to the university even though I don’t have classes. I use the practice room to practice and go home before lunch. As I went home, the first thing I saw as I step inside the apartment is Rie’s cooked food served in the table.  

“Let’s eat” she said as she seats and smile at me, I nodded and seat in front of her.

“I already talk to our house mom, first she said that the club already have a lot of strippers and she don’t need another one, because we are not for hiring but good thing, I’m close to her and she let me have for audition this afternoon. Still, you need to prove yourself and do your best to make her let you in. I’m sure you’ll be in, your too good at it.” she said while smiling at me and look so sure about her words.

That made me feel pressured but I need to be confident, I need that job. 

As we ate, I’ve noticed some bruises on her arms, at first look you won’t notice it but when you stared at it you’ll see how bad it is. So, I ask. “Rie what’s that on your arms?”

She stops chewing and look at her arms. “This? Ah, from one of my costumers, they can be rough sometimes, you know during sex? Well, that’s part of my job. I’m used to it” I suddenly felt fear with those reality of this job.

She instanlt saw how I react on what she said, “she said and smile at me. 

I tilt my head and realize how kind hearted Erille is, “Don’t be scare, I will not let anyone touch you there, you’ll just dance, no one will ever touch you there. I’ll protect you” she said that is filled with assurance, I just hope that I could stay with her forever. “Rie, wanna hear something interesting?” I whisper that catches her attention.

“What?” she asks. “I wasn’t made by love nor sex” Erille confusedly look at me and said, “WHAT?”

I chuckled and bit my lower lip bitterly, “My Mom and Dad were childhood friends just like my Lola’s. But my dad studied abroad, that's why they grew apart from each other but my mom’s love for my dad didn’t disappear. Through the years she waited for him until he came back but my dad came back engaged with a perfect girl. My mom badly wanted my dad so she stole a sperm cell from him with the use of their doctor friend then I was made, a desperation baby” I said and laughed in pain, knowing that I wasn't made by love makes me feel more anger. 

“Is that the reason why you left home?” she asks, that makes me laugh even more, “I didn’t leave the house, I was kick out” I said, that’s why she sigh.

“I’m was an illegitimate child, just like you I wasn’t made by love too. We’re poor, a lest fortune in life. I was born to serve my family and give them money.” Erille was laughing but pain is showed in her eyes. 

“I work hard for me to be able to attend school, back in the province where I live at the young age I work and sell anything just so I can study, because I know my parents won’t do that for me. After graduating high school. I decided to take chances here in manila and survive by myself” she said and laugh, I just laugh together with her and continue eating. 

Sometimes we believe that all humans in the world are made by love but sometimes they are loved by God but not by their parents. How unlucky we are one of them. 

After eating I continue memorizing the step and tempo of the music, Are you ready?” Erille ask while fixing some strand of my hair, I smile at her and grabbed my bad as I follow her.

“Trikeee!!!” Erille shouted to call some tricycle driver and as soon as they heard her call, one of them quickly head in front of us and let us in. “Club fire” the driver instantly drives us there and after a few minutes we already arrive and stop in front of the club where I saw her dance.

We step out of the vehicle and I stared at the club as I stand in front of it. “Hey, Mr. why we’re my change? I give you 50 pesos; the charge should be 10 pesos per person. Why is this only 25?!” I glance back to Rie when she started arguing with the driver about her change.

“Come on, just give me the five pesos” the driver said. “IT’S NOT EASY TO EARN MONEY MISTER GIVE ME MY WHOLE CHANGE!!!“ Erille yelled at him, that’s why I pull her arms and bring her in front of club, just to avoid commotion out here.

“Justine! Your voice is so loud!” We stop and glance at the lady who speak beside us.

Is she the house mo--- “She’s the house mom” Justine said and push me in front of me? The house mom looks at me from head to toe, her stares are so intimidating and scary. She didn’t speak and just went inside, Erille and I just followed her inside.

She seated in front of the stage and said, “Start now”

There are no people inside the club right now, it’s just the three of us. So, there’s nothing to worry about Louen, you can do this.

“Go Louen” Erille said and cheered me up, seated beside the house mom. I urge a smile before I start the music.

I stand straight and remove my shirt and pants; I undress in front of them. Now I’m just wearing a black panty and crop tank top.  I look at the house mom straight in the eyes before the music I choose plays. 

I choose this music because this is what I feel when I’m dancing, I choose…

Feeling good by Michael Buble

“Birds flying high, you know how I feel” I started my sensual steps. And walk around the pole temptingly. 

“Sun in the sky you know how I feel, breeze driftin' on by you know how I feel it's a new dawn, it’s a new day, it’s a new life for me” I slowly slip and lift my body up on the pole and do an advance plank trick and next a tuck invert. 

Sway my hair and go up the pole, I did an V invert pose and slowly went down in that position and went down the floor and moved my body as the instrument of the music hits. 

I crawl the floor and grind on the floor humanely and touch every part of my body. 

“And I’m feeling good” I finish the music, as what I featured the dance would be, and stand up, bow my head and wait for the house Mom’s reaction. 

“Ok, you’re in, prepare yourself for your first performance” she said and instantly stood up and leave. Erille smile at me and showed me two thumbs up before she followed the house mom inside.

I smile and dress up; I quickly cover my body when some suddenly enters the club. “Oh my gosh!”  I utter and cover myself; he quickly turns his back and scratches his head. “Sorry, I didn’t know that there an audition today” he said and keep on facing the back. 

I quickly dress up because of that and suddenly Rie showed up, he hit the guy on the head real hard. “Why the hell are you here? It’s too early” Erille ask him. He faces Rie and then I realize that he’s face is familiar. He’e the guy Erille’s with at the first time I step in here.

“Louen, this is Six DJ, he’s the guy you will go before you start your performance. You’ll have him your piece. Six this is Louen, she’s my friend, from now on she’ll work here” Erille introduces me to him.

Six face me and smile at me genuinely. He’s tall and handsome. He’s hair it a bit ash blonde and it’s so beautiful, then I’ve notice that he have tattoo on he’s neck.

He also has a broad shoulders and long thighs; good body posture and he look so cool on he’s simple plain black shirt. 

“Hi nice to meet you, I’m Xyrus Iris Santos, Six for short” he said and offered me his hand. I smiled at him and nodded, “Louen” I said.

“Wow, it’s a miracle that you introduce yourself in your real name” she said. “My name is Six for the girl who aren’t that beautiful, but since Louen is beautiful, it her advantage to know my name.” he playfully said.  

“Really? Just wow!” Rie said and pull me inside the staff room.

“You guys look like you know each other for a long time” I ask when Erille start fixing my make up. “I hate to admit it, but yes, since the day I step in this club he’s the first guy I’ve met” she said while curling my hair.

“What happen to your conversation with the house mom?” I ask., “Just call her Ma’am Cherille, starting today you’re one of our talents too, don’t worry too much we already talk about my condition about you. No one will dare to touch you, not even a single strand of hair.”

“How did you persuade her that easily?”

“Let’s just say that when you help other people at their worst problem, they will help you back when you’re in need” what does that mean? She helps back then Ma’am Cherille?

“Don’t think too much, just do your best and don’t be scared. I’ll be here” she said and smile at me. We waited until 10 pm and prepare for my performance. 

“Louen, are you ready? El will be your stage name, that’s what every one’s gonna call you. Now it’s your time to rule the stage” Ma’am Cherille said and step out, Erille glance at me and, “Wear this,” she made me wear this beautiful lace eye mask. 

I walk toward the Dj spot and handed him my music. “Good luck, Louen” he said and wink at me. I smile at him and go behind the stage.

I take a deep breath and ready myself to step up the stage.

“For our first sizzling dance would be performed by our new dancer, a firing lady with passion and sexual movement, let’s all welcome El!!!!” As I was called on stage, I opened my eyes and stood in front of the pole, while men were shouting and alluring me with their gaze. 

“Birds flying high, you know how I feel sun in the sky you know how I feel, breeze driftin' on by you know how I feel it's a new dawn, it’s a new day, it’s a new life for me” sexual shouts and fly money on the stage as I started dancing and stripping. 

So, this is the view of a stripper, dancing lights, flying money’s and amazing feeling. 

The feeling is firing, the movements are alive and the fire on the stage and this pole running into my veins. 

I didn’t feel this kind of fire when I performed in school and competition, this feeling is unusual and fire. 

I close my eyes as I did the V invert tricks and slowly fall and close my eyes and open it with a smirk on my lips. 

At I sing with the music, 

“And I’m feeling good”