~pretty much sucks

"If it isn't scary, it isn't the reality."

I was breathing heavily, my vision was blurred. I could hear sirens blaring in distance. There were three ambulances, the paramedics and some cops as I vaguely remember. They lifted me up, I was bleeding, I tried to speak up but before I could say anything I just blacked out. I woke up to my mom resting her head on my hand , dad sleeping on a couch in the room and I had a oxygen mask on. I was in a hospital.

"Mom.." I blurted out. "Oh honey, you awake..oh Hans, sweetie Audrea's awake!" She stroked my cheeks with happy tears in her eyes and dad held my hand kissing my forehead.

"How are you feeling Audrea? Do you feel much pain?" dad asked , giving me a concerned look.

"No..but where are gammy and pappy? Are they okay?" I was really worried about my grandparents.

"They are undergoing treatments, I'm sure they'll be okay. Don't worry, nothing would happen to them.", mom said reassuring me.

I was in the hospital for a few more days. Whenever I asked my parents about gammy and pappy, they would just give random answers. They were freaking me out, to be honest; but I decided not to loose my hopes. Eventually I recovered and got home.

"Are going to tell me what's happening to gammy and pappy? Why aren't they home with us? Are they okay? Why won't you tell me anything?!", I snapped.

"Honey, come here sit down" , mom let out a sigh. "I'm sorry sweetie, but we were concerned about you, your health." dad sat next to me.

"What? What is it ?! Tell me please!" I was starting to panic.

That's when I came to know that my grandparents were no more . That they passed away the day before. I stood up and started shouting at my parents for not telling me, I screamed and cried my heart out. Then I just went numb, everything around me stopped for a moment. I couldn't feel my legs and I collapsed. Mom-Dad tried gathering me but I couldn't feel anything, I had no strength left. I couldn't breathe, my entire childhood just flashed infront of my eyes. All the happy times with gammy and pappy , they smiling faces..now the smiles all faded away and it became grey. It felt like I've fallen into a deep pit filled with darkness and not a star of hope hovered above the dreary sky. I couldn't even cry, just sat there staring into nothingness.

• It was during the holidays. I spent the Thanksgiving and Christmas with my all time favourites, my gammy and pappy at Florida. The goofily decorated Christmas tree and all the gifts, the cookies and cakes ; it felt like I was 5 again. Mom and dad were going to join us for New year, but mom got caught up into some urgent charity work and so instead, pappy decided to drive us all the way to San Francisco. Pappy just loved the good old road trips, he was so excited. We got on the road two days before the 31st. It was snowing heavily and was bit of a haze everywhere. I had snuggled up in the backseat with my blanket and gammy and pappy were singing "Last Christmas" with glee. I just fell asleep to their melodious voices. Suddenly I felt a jerk and the car just swirled and we crashed into the woods. I got thrown out of the car and hit the grounds so hard, that went all dizzy. I felt a throbbing pain all over I'm in my body , I reached out to the phone in my pocket and somehow managed to call 911.

• It's been more than two years now. I'm going to be 18 in a few months, adult as they say; but there has been a single day where I haven't thought about them . For a couple of months after the accident, I'd get nightmares about it and I cried myself to sleep every other day. I miss them so much . Life is not easy at all. It's a jigsaw puzzle, you put the right piece, you are all set but if not , then you are just screwed. They say everything happens for it's own good. I don't know what good comes out of such tragic incidents, where people loose their loved ones. Although I know one thing for sure that though my grandparents aren't with me anymore, they'll always be there . I have their beautiful memories and the souvenirs; and I know they won't be happy to see me drown myself in all the sadness. I know it's hard to get out of this, but it's necessary. They were good people and didn't deserve such an end, but sometimes we just can't have all the answers. No matter how much hard we try , we can't escape fate. The only thing that keeps me sane, is that the last time I saw my grandparents was not in a terrible state. I saw them singing Christmas songs , looking into eachother's eyes and being happy and greatful for everything. I bid farewell to their happy faces and that's how I'm going to remember them .

• Now every Christmas, I sit near the fireplace with mom and dad. I wear the red bow with reindeers on it that gammy gave me on my last Christmas at their place; and I sing. I sing "Last Christmas" through the bottom of my heart and picture gammy and pappy's smiling face. I embrace what's good.