CHAPTER 011

NINA.

I'll tell you later, Drew said, softening his expression slightly as he spoke to me.

I felt relief wash over me, and I nodded, trying inwardly to smile.

Drew got breakfast, and I had to find an excuse to stay outside the house. 'Morel, Morel,' I shouted, but I was met with silence. I opened Morel's door, and it swung right open, as I marched in with my long broom, intending to sweep the floor.”

The sight that greeted me was Morel sleeping and really drawn. I watched as his tiny body rose and fell with every single breath. "Ahh, he's still asleep," I told myself. "I'm sure he had a stressful day yesterday." Then I went on sweeping the floor, making sure to cover every nook and cranny of the room.

As I was sweeping the floor, something caught the broom, I had to bend down to pick up. There lay a white envelope half-hidden under the bed. I picked it up, dusted it off, and examined it. There was no name or address on the envelope: just a plain white rectangle with a slight bulge inside. Curiosity piqued-my-perception imposed on what might be contained.

I quickly bent my head and opened the envelope, my heart pounding while waiting for what I had expected inside. It was a letter, and I was quite eager to find out what was inside it. My eyes scanned the letter as though devouring every line. As I read, my expression shifted from pure curiosity to concern.

"Awwww," I breathed, widening my eyes in surprise. "Why didn't you tell me, Morel?" I said to him as I continued reading the letter. It was from his teacher, and the news wasn't good-the bad news was that Morel was not doing well academically, and the teacher was worried about him.

As I read on, one particular line jumped right out at me: "Mrs. Laurel, I think your job is taking up too much of your time; please look into your child's welfare." My heart sank, and I felt guilty. What kind of mother am I, neglecting my child's education like that? I felt a wave of determination wash over me - for Morel's sake, I needed to do better.

Finishing the reading of the letter, I experienced a surge of anxiety and concern for Morel. "Mom, what is happening to you now?” Morel's echo penetrated the room as I sank the paper lower, my gaze meeting his.

To my amazement, Morel was staring at me fixed in utter concentration as he directed his eyes into the... letter that I held in my hand. All of a sudden, he came running towards me and snatched the paper from my hand. "What now, Morel?" I asked him, taken aback by the sudden turn of events.

But Morel didn't bother answering. Instead, he proceeded to tear the piece of paper into shreds using his small hands that were fast and deliberate in motion. "What are you doing?" I asked him, confused and worried. What had he been doing, tearing the paper to pieces? Why this reaction from Morel? Did he not want me to know about his problems regarding school?

Morel's voice quavered with strangled emotion as he said: "Mom, I hate you."

"You hate me?" I asked, my heart seized with a bittersweet pang of regret and sadness.

"Stop pretending you care now!" Rage and pain spilled from hurt eyes. "You never have time for me anymore; you act as though you couldn't care less about my education; you cannot do my assignments; and, you never bother to reach out to me anymore!” Morel's voice broke as he cried.

I was heartbroken watching my son suffer like that. I murmured to Morel, "It's okay." I tried to reassure him a little. "I promise I'll be a good mother from now on. I will have time for you and help you with your education. I will be your support."

But Morel kept crying: "It's too late now, Mom. It's already late," he sobbed. "I was first in class back then; I don't care now, and you didn't matter." Regret and sorrow edged his words.

"It is no longer that way! For everything, they first chose me! The competitions and the games, they would send my name! But now, it is all gone," with that, he started crying from his heart while bitter tears streamed down his cheeks. "Now they call me names in school!" he shouted, the weight of the whole world behind his sobs.

Deep regret and sorrow were inside me for having failed my child. I drew Morel close, holding him tightly as he wept. "I'm so sorry, Morel," I whispered into his hair. "I'll do my best."

"School is hard, Mom," Morel steadied his voice but choked up nevertheless. "My teacher calls me dumb. He said I am not as smart as before. They all laugh at me, and it hurts."

Anger and mother lion protectiveness surged within me for my child. "Which kids, Morel?" I heard myself ask, firm. "I will talk to their parents; I will talk to the teacher."

Morel shook his head. "Not just them, Mom. It's my teacher also. She always says I'm wasting my potential, and that I'm not trying hard enough. Actually, I'm trying, Mom. I really am!"

I peered into Morel, hugging him tight again, though I was facing emotions of grief and guilt sinking in my heart. "Sorry, baby," I murmured to him. "Haven't been there with you but I swear I will. I'll talk to your teacher; I'll assist you in your studies, and I'll be there for you along the way."

Morel cried on without fail, but I could see a glimmer of hope shining in his eyes. It might be getting better.

"You don't know a thing about what's going on in my life, Mom," Morel retorted acidly to her sentence, foaming at his mouth. "You don't know what it's like to be me, always brawling in school, and just generally feeling like I'm not good enough.”

And with that crushing guilt flooded me. Morel was right. I had been so involved in my life, in my problems, and in my shortcomings, that I neglected all of his torment.

"I know I'm not perfect, Morel," I said defensively. "But I will try. That's all I can do."

Morel shook his head. "'It isn't enough, Mom. I need you to get involved and to care about what's happening in my life.’

I need you to be my mother."

I thought there were many changes when considering the Morel I swallowed. He is right, he wants me and I have let him down. I inhaled and determined to better do things.

"Okay, Morel," I said. "I would do better. I promise you that. I will be there for you, listen to you, help you. Just give me another chance, okay?”