Mag-log inKumba. Dinner was unusually quiet and with every going on it was no surprise. Lola had fallen asleep early after refusing to let either of us put her down all afternoon.Naya had taken Diane her dinner upstairs before quietly disappearing for the evening, insisting we needed time alone which I had arranged. Now it was just the two of us sitting across from each other on the dining table.I watched Gesare push a piece of chicken around her plate for what had to be the tenth time.She hadn't eaten more than three bites and I noticed it was becoming a pattern now, she could barely keep anything down and it was starting to worry me. She seemed quiet and pale, I would catch her staring at me with an expression I couldn't quite understand.Like she wanted to tell me something but couldn't tell me. I set my fork down "Okay."She looked up"What?""I'm calling it."She frowned "Calling what?""Whatever this is." I gestured between us."You have been somewhere else for days now.""I'm righ
GesareI didn’t think I could cry anymore.My tears had run dry hours ago, or so I thought.But the second they placed him in my arms warm, tiny, impossibly perfect I started all over again. He was so much smaller than I expected.His little hands were curled into tight fists, one pressed to his rosy cheek. Dark hair stuck to his damp forehead. His skin was soft as velvet against my chest.And when he turned his face just enough to make a small, hiccupping noise, something in me broke open completely.I forgot the pain.I forgot the fear.I forgot the way my heart had nearly torn itself apart when I realized I’d be delivering him without Luca at my side.Because he was here now.And so was Luca.I looked up from the baby our, baby to find Luca watching me from the chair beside the bed.He hadn’t said much since they’d cleaned our son and tucked him against my chest.He’d just sat there, one hand braced on his cane, the other clenched so tightly on the armrest his knuckles were white.
GesareHospitals had a smell, a smell I had come to know far too well full of antiseptic and sometimes smelt like coffee that had been sitting too long.It also smelt like fear, It was strange how fear could have a scent.It lingered in waiting rooms, clung to walls, settled into the faces of strangers pretending they weren't terrified.I tightened my grip around the paper cup of coffee in my hands as I stepped through the oncology wing.My heart hammered so loudly I could hear it in my ears.I almost turned around, Part of me wanted to.Part of me wanted to run back to the car and pretend none of this was happening.Because if I walked any farther, I couldn't keep pretending my life hadn't changed but this is where I needed to be, he needed me and I was going to be there for him. I rounded the corner and there he was.He was sitting alone in one of the blue waiting room chairs, elbows resting on his knees, absentmindedly turning his wedding band around his finger.He looked smaller
GesareThe drive home was unbearably quiet.The kind of quiet that settled between two people who desperately wanted to speak but no longer knew which words belonged to them.I sat in the passenger seat, staring out the window as the lake disappeared behind us asTrees blurred into one another.The sky had begun to darken, heavy clouds gathering overhead as if the world itself couldn't decide whether to hold back or break.It suited my mood.Neither of us had said a word since we left the lake house.Cliff had stayed behind with Diane, they were going to drive up together, neither of them had tried to stop us when we left, there was nothing left to say.Kumba kept both hands on the steering wheel, his knuckles white against the leather.His eyes never left the road.I wondered if he was seeing it at all.Or if, like me, he was somewhere else entirely.Back in that lake house.Back in a confession that had shattered both our lives.A tear slid down my cheek before I realized I was cryin
KumbaI found her exactly where I thought she would be by the pool.The afternoon sun reflected off the water, making everything look peaceful.It was a lie, nothing about our lives was peaceful anymore.Cliff stood up as soon as he saw me approaching."There you are." I said "I have been looking everywhere for my wife."Cliff smiled "I figured."He glanced briefly at Gesare before looking back at me."I should probably head out.""You don't have to." I said automatically.He shook his head "I have got a few things to take care of anywhere."He walked over and clapped my shoulder gently."You call if you need anything.""I always do.""I mean it.""So do I."For a brief second, something unreadable passed between us. It was gone before I could place it then Cliff turned to Gesare.He smiled warmly."Take care of yourself."She nodded "I will."He walked toward the front gate without another word. I watched him leave before turning back to my wife.She was staring at the water and look
GesareI couldn't breathe not because anything was physically wrong but because my life had become one impossible secret after another.Kumba's cancer was back, Diane was dying.Our family had barely survived the truth about my mother's death and now, I rested my hand against my stomach, I was pregnant, another baby, a tiny life growing inside me.I still couldn't wrap my head around it but It didn't make sense.Every doctor had told Kumba the chemotherapy he had gone through years ago had left him unable to have children.We had believed them, I had believed them and yet Dr. Valentina's blood test didn't lie, I was pregnant.The word alone made my heart race, I should have been happy, I should have been celebrating but I was terrified.How could I tell a man who had just been told his cancer was back that we were having another baby?How could I put that kind of weight on his shoulders when he was already struggling to carry his own? I slipped quietly out the back door while everyon
Then I feel Kumba's arm around my shoulders.The hospital bed beneath me.The ache in my body.The baby.Moraa.My eyes open slowly.The room is brighter now.Morning sunlight spills through the windows.And Kumba is still beside me.I must have fallen asleep against him sometime during the night b
I realize how exhausted I am until everyone finally leaves the room.Diane stepped out to speak with hospital security again.The nurses came and went, the hallway quieted.And now it’s just me and Gesare again.Only this time, everything between us feels different.She’s lying against the pillows
MoraaI know something is wrong. I know it before I even fully open my eyes that morning.It’s there in my chest heavy and uneasy like instinct clawing at me from the inside.I lie still in bed for a moment staring at the ceiling, trying to convince myself I’m imagining things.But the feeling does
Kumba.I leave the hospital, but I don’t actually leave the situation, my body moves out of the building, past the sterile smell and the white walls, but my mind stays behind in that room with Gesare, lying there, pale, barely breathing. That word keeps repeating in my head like a warning.I shoul







