CHAPTER ELEVEN: AFTER THE RELAPSE.

CHAPTER ELEVEN

***NOLAKAI'S POV***

The rays of sunlight escaping into the small spaces between the curtains is what wakes me up. It's quiet and it's takes me a good few minutes to collect myself. Images from the night before come flooding my mind.

My mate. My wolf. Pain.

I'd had another meltdown from her absence.

I let out a deep sigh as I stretch further into the bed. It's soft. Always been, but it's cold and empty.

I miss my mate, and everything around me seems determined to remind me of what I've thrown away.

The curtains on the far left of the room move and I realise I'm not alone. My head snaps to see who it is and I purse my lips at the discovery.

"What are you doing here?" I ask, shoving deep into the darkest corners of my mind, the brewing temperament waiting to be unleashed. I'd barely gotten my wolf under control after last night's episode and Emery barging into my room isn't exactly helping.

"I see you're quite awake....you look so cute while asleep." She quips, completely ignoring my question as she moves opposite the room to open the curtains there.

I brace my weight on my elbow as I shoot her a glare.

"Who let you in?" I'm already irritable at this point.

"You know I have my ways Kai."

My veins pop when she responds, one minute we're a good feet apart from each other across the room, the next I'm reaching for her neck and and gripping hard.

"Don't call me that." I bite back, her face runs pale as she reaches to loosen my grip.

"Alright, I'm sorry." She struggles, between strangled gasps. The red in her eyes, dilating.

I inhale deeply, before letting her go. The sight of my fingers staining her already reddening neck makes me wince.

I hadn't even realized I'd crossed the room.

What the fuck is happening to me?

By the moon goddess, I need to keep my wolf in check.

I was getting better....moving on, but now I've relapsed, and as much as I hate to admit it, I don't know what the fuck to do. If it continues like this, I'll become a potential hazard to my pack.

"If you're gonna be all uptight today, at least put on some clothes." Emery says as she rolls her eyes, moving as far away from me as possible. Thought the whiff of her excitement is evident in the room.

Shit.

My eyes dart to my lower half as I scamper around to cover myself.

By the moon goddess, I didn't even realise I was completely naked.

Come to think of it, I don't even remember how I got back to my room after a prey hunting spree in the forest.

Emery doesn't even budge as I move into my walk in closet, hands over my bulge. It isn't the first time my wolf's lost control and people— Emery and/or other annoying people— have seen me naked after an outburst. It probably won't be the last, but I still cover up evrytime anyways. For some ridiculous reasons, I believe I'll find my way back to my mate and if by some miracle that happens, I don't think she'll like to discover that the whole pack has seen me naked aka flashing my cock to the whole world.

You won't find your way back. Give up now.

My thoughts whisper against my already broken heart and proceeds to shatter the remaining bits into a million tiny pieces.

They're right. I won't get her back. I don't deserve her. I hope she's okay though, I'd assigned a few wolves to watch her every moves a few years ago. But I stopped when I realized she was actively trying to forget me.

She probably hates me and honestly, I don't blame her.

I open one of my drawers and reach for a black boxer brief. I hurriedly put them on, feeling overly exposed as I reach for my favourite black shorts and top.

I make sure I'm appropriately clothed before I return back to the bedroom.

Emery is now sitting on my bed, her legs crossed and fingers fiddling with my beddings, my brows crease in confusion and disgust.

"Get up from my bed. Now." I say as I lean on the drawer by my left, making sure to emphasise on the last word.

"You need me Nolakai. You're starving and I can help with that." She says, uncrossing her legs in a slow, sultry manner.

I roll my eyes. Nice try.

"I can give you what you want." She continues when I don't says anything, her red orbs staring intently at mine.

"You don't know what I want."

"You can teach me....we should get to know each other, especially since we'll be together for a very long while." Her lips are between her teeth as she eyes me, letting the scent of her excitement fill the room.

I stare at her, rather bored than aroused. We've had this discussion before and it always ends the same.

There will be no us.

She is a beautiful woman, no doubt. Her red hair, a fiery contrast to her pale skin, but as much as I respect women, Emery isn't it for me. Never has been, never will be.

I exhale deeply as I glance at the clock on the wall.

Ten AM.

Woah I was out for long, I have a lot to do today and I should get to them. The pack won't lead itself.

Without another word, I turn on my heels and leave the room as I make my way to my office.

"Oh come on Nolakai." Emery calls out as I exit the room. We've had this conversation before and I really don't have it in me to go through with another push and pull from Emery.

All I can think of is my mate, and since I can't have her with me, I'll think of the next best thing I love—work.

That's right, nothing like good ol' documents and statistics to dissolve yourself into.

I smile at my attempt to humour myself as I push open the door to my office.

The stack of reports waiting on my desk looked almost welcoming, as I settle in my office.

Numbers.

Budgets.

Border disputes.

Things that can actually be fixed.

My relationship with my mate isn't one of them.

Breathe. We're going to be productive today.

The next few hours go by in a breeze, I lean back into my seat as I skim through some documents on neighbouring packs. I plan to form some new alliances in a few years and I've been monitoring pack rates for a while now to determine which packs are most beneficial and less problematic.

"Where have you been all day?" A voice breaks through the silence and thick cold air of my office immediately the door pushes open.

I don't look up to see who it is, I'd recognise the voice from even a thousand miles.

My stupid ass brother JP currently interrupting my working hours.

"What do you want?" I ask, with a bored expression as my eyes stay glued on the documents in front of me.

"Are you serious now Nola? Mom's been worried about you. Where did you keep your phone?" He asks, as he pulls out a chair opposite me to sit on.

I scoff.

I didn't even say he could sit.

"It's probably in my room, I have a lot of work to do and I'd rather not be distracted. Now if you'd excuse me—"

"Your wolf lashed out again." He interrupts, as he stares at me intently. I can't tell if he's asking or stating.

"Don't want to talk about it." I quip, as I force my gaze on the documents in front of me although I can't bring myself to focus on the words.

"I don't expect you to." He says, his voice firm as he relaxes into his sit. "But you should." He continues, "You’re in pain Nola, what the fuck are you gonna do about that?"

I don't respond.

"Mum's worried, we all are." His dark blue eyes look up to meet mine when I finally look away from the documents. He holds the gaze for a while like wants me to see his soul before he eventually yields. "The pack can't lead itself, Nola and neither can a wounded—"

"Shut the fuck up." My blood temperature rises to it's boiling point at his words. He thinks I'm weak?

"Shit, I don't mean it that way Nola, I just....I....you're over overworking yourself and you're not getting any recharge." He says quickly in an attempt to correct himself. "The pack needs their alpha, and their alpha needs some time off." He let's out a shaky breath at his last words and I finally realise my aura had been pouring in waves and suffocating him.

Shit.

I readjust In my seat as I retract the scent, the sigh of relief he lets out afterwards doesn't go unnoticed.

I look at him, unsure of what to say. As much as I hate being on the receiving end of these types of discussions, he's my brother, he means well for me. But I'm the older one, I'm an alpha, I should have it under control, yet I find myself blurting.

"I miss her so much JP. It feels like my whole world revolves around her and sometimes I get fucking tired of it." The words come out in an almost choked whisper. Admitting to shit like this is a whole lot for me, but I need an outlet.

"She's all I can think of, all I can see, hear..." I continue before he can respond. "She's everywhere. In my head, in my bedroom, in the bathroon—"

"Bathroom?" JP asks, his eyes widening as she narrows his eyes on me, his lips curled in a smirk.

I roll my eyes. The nerve...

"And what's wrong with seeing my mate in my bathroom?" I shoot him a glare although a half smirk creeps up my lips.

"I didn't say anything, bruv." He responds almost immediately, his hands flying to the air in an 'I don't know' motion even though he's winking through it.

I inhale deeply as I return my gaze back to the documents in front of me. "Go away, you've ruined the vibe."

"Oh come on man," JP quips, pouting his lips and I ignore his sour attempt to coax me. I'm not mom. JP sighs and continues when he realises I won't give in. "Anyways, I'm just saying you need to take a month off at least."

My head snaps to his direction, my gaze narrowing on him. "No the fuck not."

JP snorts as he holds back a chuckle. "Ok, two weeks?" He's trying to compromise and I'll be damned if I fall for it.

"No, not two weeks not ever." I say, cutting off any further suggestions he might have.

He stares at me, debating whether to throw another tantrum before ultimately deciding against it.

Better.

"Then you'll just have to see her, with your very drained self I guess" He quips, reaching for something on my desk.

"What do you mean?' I ask, paying minimal attention to him as I highlight something on page eight of the document. It'll be very important for later if—

"Oh....you haven't heard? It's probably why your lashed out, your wolf can sense her because she's closer, even though she's still miles away."

Blood rushes to my face as I stiffen. My pulse racing and threatening to rip out of my chest. I know where this is going but I still find myself asking..

"What do you mean?"

JP pushes his weight off the chair and leans his elbows on the wooden surface before him and with a deep inhale and exhale of breath, he announces.

"Mei's at Vos. And she was last seen at dinner with their pack leader."

The report slip from my fingers.

Cedar floods the room before I even realized my aura had burst free.

Mine.

My wolf roars, the word with enough force to shake the windows.