First Blood

Training began at dawn.

 I woke to Garrett throwing open my door, his gruff voice cutting through the darkness like a blade.

" Up. Now. You have five minutes to dress and meet me in the yard."

 He left before I could protest.

 I dragged myself from bed, every muscle screaming. The collar felt heavier moment, as if it knew what was coming. I dressed snappily in the training leathers Maya had left folded on the chair — black pants that hugged my legs, a fitted tunic that allowed movement, thrills laced to my knees.

 I looked like a warrior.

 I felt like prey.

 The yard was empty when I arrived, nothing but packed dirt girdled by high gravestone walls. Munitions lined one side —  brands, staffs, daggers that lustered in the pre-dawn light.

 Garrett stood in the center, arms crossed over his broad chest.

" You're late," he said.

" You said five minutes"

" I said five minutes. That means you should have been there in three." He signaled to the munitions." Pick one."

 I stared at the display." I don't know how to fight."

" I know. That's why we're then." He moved to the brands, opting for a short blade with a plain bow." You cannot control your power yet. So we start with the basics. Physical combat. Discipline. Control."

 He tossed the brand to me.

 I caught it clumsily. The weight was wrong, the balance foreign in my hands.

" Attack me," Garrett said.

" What?"

" You heard me. Attack."

 I hesitated. He was massive, twice my size, with muscles erected from decades of warfare.

I cannot  

"Also, you die." His voice was flat." Because your adversaries won't wait for you to be ready. They won't watch that you're small, spooked, or untrained. They will simply kill you."

 The collar burned, responding to my fear.

 I gripped the brand with both hands and dived.

 Garrett sidestepped fluently, his hand shooting out to snare my wrist. He twisted, and suddenly I was on the ground, the brand flying from my grip.

" Pathetic." He released me." Again."

 I climbed up, recaptured the brand, and attacked.

 He veered.

 Again.

 And again.

 And again.

 By the time the sun cleared the eastern wall, I had hit the ground seventeen times. My body was one massive bruise. Blood dropped from a split lip where I had stunk through it on my last fall.

" Enough," Garrett eventually said.

 I stayed on the ground, heaving. Sweat soaked through my tunic despite the morning bite.

 He squatted beside me." You want to know why I'm doing this?"

 I couldn't form words. Just jounced.

" Because strength isn't just about power. It's about will. About getting up after the eighteenth fall and trying again." His scarred hand gripped my shoulder." Draven can educate you on control. Sebastian can educate you on magic. But I will educate you on how to survive when everything fails differently."

 He stood, offering his hand.

 I took it.

"Hereafter, same time," he said." And Kaia? Bring your rage. You're going to need it."

 I limped back to my room, every step agony.

 Maya was staying with tapes and a knowing look.

" Let me see," she said gently.

 I sat on the bed while she gutted my injuries with rehearsed effectiveness. Her touch was careful around the worst bruises, her silence ever assuring.

"Garrett is brutal," I said through gritted teeth as she wrapped my caricatures.

" Garrett is keeping you alive." Maya secured the girth." He lost his mate ten years ago. She was an Omega like me. Gentle. Kind. And fully unrehearsed when rogues attacked during a border command."

 My chest tensed." She failed."

" She failed because she didn't know how to defend herself. Because her pack failed to educate her that kindness isn't weakness, but it's also not armor." Maya's eyes met mine." Garrett won't let that be again. Not to you."

" Why does he watch? I'm just."

" You're pack." She said it with similar conviction." And protect each other. Indeed, the broken ones. Especially the broken ones."

 The door opened without warning.

 Draven filled the doorway, his silver eyes taking in my battered state with an undecipherable expression.

" Out," he told Maya.

 She adhered, gathering her things and slipping past him.

 We were alone.

 Draven crossed to me sluggishly, like a bloodsucker approaching wounded prey. He stopped elevation down, his hand coming up to trace the bruise forming along my jaw.

" Does it hurt?" he asked vocally.

" Everything hurts."

" Good." His fingers traced lower, across my throat, stopping at the collar." Pain teaches assignments pleasure never can."

" Is that what you tell yourself?" I met his eyes, refusing to look down." When you justify the collar? The training? Keeping me a prisoner?"

 His jaw tensed." I'm keeping you alive."

" You're keeping me controlled." I stood, ignoring the screaming kick from my chest." There's a difference."

" Not to me." He seized my arm, pulling me against him. His other hand tangled in my hair, forcing my head back." You're a weapon, Kaia. Important. Changeable. Deadly. And munitions must be learned before they can be applied."

" I'm not a weapon. I'm a person."

" You're Shadowborn." His grip tensed." And that makes you both."

 He kissed me also, demanding and jealous, as if he could claim power through sheer force of will. The collar burned where our bodies pressed together, magic recognizing magic, mate recognizing mate.

 I kissed him back just as violently, channelizing all my pain and rage and confusion into the contact.

 When he pulled down, we were both breathing hard.

" Tonight," he said, his voice rough." After eve. Meet me in the eastern palace. It's time you learned what you really are."

 He left before I could respond.

 I touched my lips, feeling them blown and tender.

 The mate bond palpitated through the collar, stronger now.

 Inarguable.

 And absolutely intimidating.

 I spent the autumn in the library.

 It was a massive space sculpted into the mountain, walls lined with books and scrolls that smelled of age and magic. I had set it up by accident while trying to avoid the gaps left by passing pack members.

" Looking for something-specific?"

 I spun to find Sebastian arising from between shelves, his violet eyes amused.

" Just. Exploring," I said.

" Exploring. Or hiding?" He moved to a table covered in ancient textbooks, waving for me to join him." There's no shame in demanding space. This pack can be inviting, especially for someone who has  noway  known true pack bonds."

 I sat across from him." Is that why you brought me then? To give me a lecture on pack dynamics?"

" I brought you then because you need to understand your history." He opened one of the textbooks, revealing  runners covered in symbols I couldn't read." The Shadowborn weren't always stressed. Formerly, they were deified. Worshipped, indeed."

 His cutlet traced a delineation — a woman with gray hair and eyes that glowed like stars. Power radiated from her in swells of light.

" This was Moira Shadowborn. The first of your line. She discovered the road between worlds and learned to walk it, to draw power from the space between life and death." Sebastian's voice was soft, nearly reverent." She used that power to cover the werewolf kind. To heal the sick. To defend against pitfalls no ordinary wolf could face."

" What happened to her?"

" She fell in love." His smile was sad." With an Alpha who stressed her power. Who induced the other packs that a similar strength in one birth was too dangerous? They killed her on her consummation night, burned her alive while her mate watched."

 Horror swamped through me." Her own mate?"

" He chose fear over love. Duty over desire. Just like —" Sebastian stopped himself.

" Just like Draven," I finished.

" The parallel isn't lost on me." He closed the book." But Draven isn't his ancestor. He has a choice. And so do you."

" What choice? I wear his collar. I follow his commands. Where is the choice in that?"

 Sebastian leaned forward." The collar binds your power. Not your will. You can still choose how you respond. Whether you let this break you or forge you into a commodity stronger."

" You talk in mysteries."

" I speak in possibilities." He stood." Tonight, when Draven shows you your true nature, flashback: this power isn't the adversary. Fear is. And the only way to master fear is to face it."

 He faded between the shelves, leaving me alone with ancient textbooks and questions with no answers.

 The eastern palace was insulated, accessible only by a narrow ground that gauged a deep couloir.

 I crossed it as the sun set, painting the sky in tones of blood and fire. Wind whipped through the ocean below, carrying the scent of pine and gravestone and commodity differently. A commodity that made my skin tickle with recognition.

 Magic.

 Old magic.

 The palace door was open.

 I stepped outside to find an indirect room sculpted from a black gravestone. Runes covered every face, glowing faint silver in the darkness. Draven stood in the center, stripped to the waist, his scarred casket marked with symbols I didn't recognize.

" Close the door," he said without turning.

 I adhered.

 The moment it shut, the poems burned lustrously. I felt the air thicken, charged with energy that made my collar burn.

" What's this place?" I asked.

" A constraint chamber." Draven eventually faced me." erected specifically to hold Shadowborn magic. The runes will keep your power from escaping and destroying the fort."

 Understanding actualized." You're going to make me use it."

" I'm going to make you face it." He moved toward me, each step deliberate." The collar suppresses your power. But repression isn't control. Tonight, I'm going to release it. And you're going to learn what happens when you stop fighting what you are."

 Fear spiked through me." I could kill you."

" Yes." His hand came up to the collar, fiddling with the release medium I hadn't known was there." But you'll not."

" How can you be sure?"

 His eyes met mine, silver burning in the lyric-light.

" Because I'm your mate. And the bond won't let you harm me. Not truly."

 Before I could protest, he twisted the cinch.

 The collar fell down.

 For one moment, nothing happened.

 Also, the power exploded.

 It erupted from my chest like a levee breaking, tableware light, submerging the chamber. I screamed as it tore through me, wild and furious and hugely beyond my control.

 The runes blazed, containing the swell, but slightly.

 I felt myself lifting off the ground, suspended by pure magic. My hair whipped around my face. My eyes burned. Every whim-wham was on fire.

 And through it all, I felt Draven.

 His presence was like an anchor. His nascence dominance pushing against my chaos, not to suppress but to shape. To guide.

" Focus," his voice cut through the whirlpool." The power is yours. Command it."

" I cannot — it is too important —"

"Also, let it consume you." He moved closer, unafraid indeed as silver light licked at his skin." Or master it. Choose, Kaia. Now."

 The power surged forward, hanging to tear me piecemeal from the inside.

 I allowed Theron. Of every beating, every demotion, every moment he'd made me feel empty.

 I allowed the pack to call me a monster.

 I spent eighteen years believing I was broken. And I got angry.

 The rage gave me something to hold onto. I seized the power with both hands — directly, spiritually, and pulled.

 It defied.

 I pulled harder.

 The silver dears condensed, flowing back into my body like water changing its position. The air cleared. The light dimmed.

 My feet touched the stone.

 I stood there, shaking, power still coursing through me but contained now. Controlled.

 Draven watched with something like pride in his eyes.

" Again," he said.

We trained until night.

 Release. Swell. Contain. Over and over until my body was wrung out and my mind was numb.

 But each time, I held the power a little longer. Controlled it a little better.

 By the end, I could summon it at will — a silver honey dancing in my mind, responding to my studies.

" Enough," Draven eventually said.

 He approached with the collar.

 I moved back." Do you have to?"

" Yes." His voice was firm." You aren't ready. One moment of lost control outside this chamber and you kill everyone in the fort. The collar stays until you can maintain control under any circumstance."

 He locked it back around my neck.

 The power retreated incontinently, hidden even more.

 I sagged against him, exhausted beyond measure.

 He caught me, lifting me into his arms.

" You did well tonight," he muttered against my hair." Better than I anticipated."

" Is that a compliment?"

" It's a fact." He carried me out of the palace, across the ground." You're stronger than you know, Kaia. Stronger than any Shadowborn I've read about. And that terrifies me."

" Because you think I'll destroy you?"

" Because I think you'll make me want to be destroyed." His arms tensed." And I cannot go that weak."

 We reached my room. He set me down gently, his hand mopping on my face.

" Sleep," he ordered." Garrett will come for you at dawn."

" Draven?"

 He broke in the doorway.

" Thank you," I said." For trusting me tonight. For giving me a chance to understand." Something shifted in his expression. Softened.

" Don't thank me yet, little Shadowborn. We've only just begun."

 The door closed.

 I collapsed onto the bed, too exhausted indeed to remove my thrills.

 But as I drifted toward sleep, I felt it.

 The power, still there beneath the collar's repression. Staying.

 Growing.

 And for the first time in my life, I wasn't hysterical about it.

 I was empty even more.