CHAPTER ONE

"Mommy, will daddy be there for my birthday?" Elisse's small voice came close to me, and for some reason, it left a keen sting cutting through me amidst winter's stillness.  "Daddy will come, right, mommy?" she asked again.

And as snowflakes caress my eyelashes, the frigid, transitory and inerasable memories started streaming inside my head.

This left me clinging to Elisse's little hand so tightly as the two of us traveled along the street.

Both of our worn-out boots sank quietly into the thick pile of snow outside.

It was nearly beautiful with how the world has been painted white, which was so lovely even though it was destroying me slowly piece by piece.

I glanced down. She lifted her head up to glance towards me, and I can see through her eys the look of hope—a child's hope. This made me feel guilty.

''Of course, darling," I replied with a tight, aching smile. "Daddy will be there for sure. He couldn't wait to celebrate your birthday today."

Elisse smiled at me and she definitely look like a beautiful little angel.

She had no idea it was an adult bar that was our actual destination and not the ice cream shop. Not the location in her mind's eye where her Daddy would make balloons and cut her cake.

No, we were going to the site where her father decided to forget us.

Her father, the Alpha king of Cresendo Pack, Kairi Sta. Ana.

His name was ringing in my mind when it felt like the darkest part of my existence. I wanted him to be there and cried through pillows quietly while wishing him to stay by my side as Elisse struggle to push through her treatment.

Kairi, the one who had saved my life before, was the only person I wanted to see with us today and yet, He no longer picked up any of my calls. In fact, He hadn't even bothered to make himself known for weeks.

To Kairi, it seemed that his alpha status now meant more to him, more than his mate. More than his own heiress and daughter.

And yet…I still brought our daughter here because I still feel that Elisse deserved it—deserved everything as his daughter.

Elisse and I finally reached the side of the bar, and from there, I wish I could just covers Elisse’s ears from what she may hear from this point but that would be too late now. We could already hear the laughter and clinking of glasses inside, but most of all, it was Kairi’s voice that was very familiar. 

Hearing his voice again after a long while instantly sent shivers down my spine as it drifted out between the laughter of his friends surrounding him.

“Alpha Kairi, what are you thinking now?” it was one of his friends, Tony, who laughed. “Hold on, let me guess, is it because your goddess is coming tonight? You know, the last time we met at the gala, I could tell she was eyeing on you.”

“Oh are you talking about the alpha’s mate?” one more unfamiliar male voice replied.

And then, Tony replied, “Sze?” as he chuckled. “We all know that Alpha Kairi only agreed to be with her because she’s just a substitute. You ever notice how similar she looks to Bianca, right?”

“Exactly,” another voice chimed in. “From certain angles, they’re nearly identical. If there was any advantage that Sze had over Bianca, it was that she  was able to gave birth to the alpha’s child.”

“Yeah, she did have an advantage, and it was to give me a sickly child that I couldn’t even be proud of to begin with. That’s why I have been keeping her and the child at home,” Kairi’s voice cut in, cold and cruel. “Also, Princess Bianca is coming during the pack’s founding anniversary. This is going to be a chance for me, so, I can’t lose this opportunity. I need to send them away from Bianca’s sight.”

“Are you crazy?” someone else scoffed. “Where will you send them?”

“Anywhere they want. I don’t care.” Kairi said flatly. “All that matters to me now is for Bianca to see that I am still available for her. I’ve wanted Bianca for years. This alliance with Bianca’s pack is my best chance. I’m not letting it slip.”

Hearing that made me froze from where I stood. My whole body feels cold and I could feel my whole body was beginning to tense.

The cold wasn’t from the snow anymore—it was in my marrow. I covered Elisse’s ears as quickly as I could, pressing her head into my chest. 

I could only wish that she may not hear everything, and that it was just me who have heard it. I didn’t want Elisse to hear how her own father wanted her away because he was preparing for the arrival of the woman he truly loves.

If there’s anything, I only want myself to hear it and suffer the pain of every word that had came out from Kairi’s mouth. 

It was clear to me how he sees me as a substitute, that he was only keeping me because I look like her and that we both had Elisse, but despite all that, I should accept the fact that what he truly wanted was not me, but someone else all along.

It’s as if my vision became blurry as the tears fell silently, running down my cheeks.

One vision came into my mind that moment, it was him, Kairi. It was that time when he knelt in the snow, a bouquet of roses in his arms. I remember every detail, even how he trembled as he asked me to be his wife. 

Kairi’s words before affirmed me that I was the one who saved him from his darkest moments. He said it wholeheartedly as he told me that I am his mate. Kairi even vowed that no one else, not even his alpha title, could override the pull of our bond and I had believed him.

I believed him because I thought it was the truth, when in fact, it was a lie from the very start. 

The truth was he never meant all of it, hearing the truth now coming from his own mouth, I realized that I was never the light that saved him, because the truth was that, I was the shadow of the real one that he wished to save him and that was Bianca.

“Mommy,” Elisse whispered, her voice muffled against my coat. “Aren’t we going to see Daddy now?”

I swallowed the lump in my throat and forced the words through the storm inside me.

I pulled up my senses and immediately took out my phone from my pocket, pretending to check on it even though there was still no message from Kairi. 

“Uhmmm…actually, daddy just messaged me now, Darling. And he said he’s sorry because he’s really busy at the moment. but he prepared a special gift for you. Shall we go pick it up now?”

Her smile was smaller this time. She looked down at the snow and nodded. “Oh, okay.”

I bent down and kissed the top of her head. “Mommy’s going to take you somewhere that’s a lot more prettier than here, darling. A new place for the two of us to stay.”

She blinked up at me. And I could see the wonder in her eyes. But what I didn’t expect was Elisse’s question, as she asked, “Will Daddy come live with us?”

I shook my head in an instant. “No, love. Just me and you. Daddy’s... very busy.” I had to be firm about not giving her any hope about Kairi. Especially after hearing what he said, I didn’t want him to continue hurting our child.

Thankfully, Elisse didn’t protest. She just wrapped her arms around my neck, her fingers gently brushing my cheek. “I understand, it’s okay, Mommy. As long as we’re together.”

It’s really something that Elisse could feel, despite her age, when I was hurting. It’s like I could never hide it from her no matter how I tried. And for her age, it’s surprising how she handles it maturely.

***

LATER that evening, after I tucked Elisse to bed, her fragile frame sinked into her mattress. Elisse’s cheeks flushed from the cold and I couldn’t help but rush to prepare the things we need.

As I make my preparation, I grabbed some few clothes and basic things we will need to survive until we find a new place we could stay. Looking into my things, I didn’t need much, just the essentials that would be more than enough to start again.

But as I was preparing, I didn’t notice that Kairi had already entered our room.

“What in the world is going on here? What do you think you’re doing?” he snarled.

His slurry voice cost me to tilt my head beyond my shoulder, and as I turned, I found him standing in the doorway, drunk and disheveled. At that instant, it was the scent of whiskey all over him that I noticed.

It was screaming of his betrayal that force me to retort back. “I’m leaving,” I said, my voice hoarse with force bravery. 

“What do you mean you’re leaving?”

“You heard me clearly, Kairi. I want to leave this place along with my daughter. I want a divorce.”

He stepped forward. “But we’re not even married.”

I flinched. “But didn’t you tell before that you considered me as your wife the moment you took the alpha role of the pack,” I said bitterly. “You even said I was your true mate that time when you slept with me, or was it all a lie? Tell me, am I just a mere shadow of that woman you truly love and that you couldn’t accept me wholeheartedly along with our daughter.”

Kairi quickly wrapped his arms around me like he always used do. His familiar scent—mascular, warm, powerful—wrapped around me like a temptation.

“I guess that’s an enough answer.” I said as I tried to move away from him only to be stopped by Kairi once more as he pulled me back. “Let me go,” I choked. “Please let me go, Kairi.”

“I never said I didn’t care about you.”

“Stop lying,” I snapped, my voice breaking. “I heard you, kairi. I heard everything at the bar. I knew you didn’t really love me and that you only see Bianca in me,”

He didn’t answer.

Kairi’s phone rang on the table. And he quickly answered it, “What did you say? The princess is here already? Okay, I’ll be right there.”

And just like that, he turned his back on me and walked out. He walked away from me like I was nothing to him.

I collapsed to the ground, clutching my knees towards me. The tears wouldn’t stop this time.

For a long time, I just sat there, my arms wrapped around myself. Hoping for something that would never come. A fairy tale where the alpha chose his mate but not for me. The version of him that protected me, loved me, chose me was all a lie.

THE FOLLOWING MORING, Elisse woke up earlier than me.

And the first thing she excitedly asked me was, “Mommy?” she whispered. “Can we go now? To our new home?”

I loaded the last of the bags and lifted her gently into the back seat. She leaned her head against the window, watching snowflakes dance outside.

I smiled through the pain. “Yes, darling. Let’s go.”