Chapter 14: The Deal

The family room in the kids' ward felt way too small for what we had to talk about. Emma had moved to a normal room that morning, excited to show her dad her favorite books. But the truth of what was coming next was like a third person sitting between Mikel and me.

Dr. Martinez had said Emma needed constant checkups, less stress, and – most importantly – both her parents around if she had blood problems later on. He didn't say it, but we both knew Emma was happier when her dad was there.

"Okay," I said, opening the folder my lawyer got ready super fast. "We need some rules."

Mikel was across from me, still in yesterday's clothes, his hair a mess from sleeping in a hospital chair. But he was really paying attention to the papers I laid out on the table.

"I'll agree to whatever's best for Emma," he said right away.

"No, don't." It came out harsher than I meant. "Don't agree without reading it. It's not like before, Mikel. We're not married. You can't just trust me to take care of everything while you do your own thing."

He looked ashamed, which was good. "You're right. Sorry. What do you want?"

I slid the first paper over. "Temporary custody. You get to see her three days a week, but someone has to be there the whole time. Either me or Lucas."

Mikel read it carefully. I watched his face to see what he thought. He looked older, more worn out than the guy I married five years ago. But he also seemed... more present, like he was actually listening.

"Being watched," he said. "Is that to protect Emma, or you?"

His question surprised me because he was so direct. "Both," I admitted. "Emma doesn't really know you yet, even though she liked you right away yesterday. And I..." I tried to say it honestly. "I need to see how you are with her before I'm okay leaving you alone with her."

He nodded slowly. "That makes sense. What about sleepovers?"

"Not at first. Let's see how the day visits go."

"What about holidays? School stuff?"

I didn't know. These were the things that would shape Emma's life, whether she felt like she had one parent or two. "We'll talk about it as it comes up. But Mikel, you need to get this. Emma is the most important thing. Not how you feel, or how I feel, or what's easy for us. If she needs something and you can't do it, you can't be sad or angry. You just have to step back."

"I understand." He signed the paper without asking more. "What's next?"

I got the second set of papers. "Medical stuff. Emma might need treatment later that needs both our genes, so we need to agree on medical decisions."

This paper was longer, more complicated. Mikel read it like he used to read business deals, asking what some of the words meant.

"Joint medical decisions," he read. "We both have to agree on anything that's not an emergency. If it's an emergency, whoever's there decides, but they have to tell the other one right away."

"The hospital social worker wanted this," I said. "It keeps Emma safe and makes sure we both help take care of her."

"What if we don't agree on something?"

"We ask another doctor we both trust." I had talked about this with my lawyer for hours. "The point is to do what's best for Emma, not to win."

Mikel signed that one too. He looked at me in a way I couldn't figure out. "Is there more?"

The third folder was the hardest. "Where you're living."

He looked up quickly.

"The doctor said Emma needs a calm place to get better. She already asked if you could live with us." I took a breath. "I'm okay with you staying in the guest room for a month, but there are rules."

Mikel stopped writing. "You'd let me stay at your place?"

"For Emma," I said fast. "This is just about what Emma needs for her health. It doesn't... it doesn't mean anything else."

He was quiet for a bit, reading the rules I wrote down. "No being in the house when Emma's not around. No talking about us before. No messing with our normal home life or Emma's normal day. Respect my privacy and Lucas being the head guy in security."

"This makes sense," he said. "But Bella, you need to know – I'm not just doing this for Emma. I want to be her dad, not just if it's easy or if she needs a doctor. I want to be there when she goes to bed, when she does homework, the good days and bad days."

He sounded serious, and it made me feel tight in my chest. This was what I used to imagine – Mikel talking about family life, caring about everyday things more than his job.

"Then do it," I said quietly. "Don't tell me what dad you want to be. Show Emma who you are, every day, even when it's boring or hard or not easy."

"I will." He signed the place to stay agreement without stopping. "Anything else?"

I got the last thing, the one that took my lawyers the longest to write. "Money."

Mikel looked worried. "What about it?"

"Emma has a trust that pays for everything – doctors, school, trips, everything. I don't need your money." I looked right at him. "But if you want to help with her things or get her presents, we have to make sure she doesn't get spoiled or confused about money."

"You don't want me to pay for her?" He looked surprised.

"Emma has more money than most people will ever see. What she needs from you isn't money – it's being there for her."

Mikel read the money agreement. It basically said that he could help with Emma's stuff, but I would decide about the big money stuff unless I asked him.

"This makes me feel like I'm just visiting my daughter," he said quietly.

"That's what you are right now." It was harsh, but true. "Emma lived five years without you. I made every choice, fixed every problem, and celebrated every special event by myself. You can't just show up and be equal right away."

"Then how do I become equal?"

He asked, and it hung in the air. How did you get back into a life you were never really a part of?

"Time," I said. "Being there always. Showing up when you say you will. Caring about what she thinks and feels, not just the fun stuff. Learning what makes her happy, what scares her, what she needs when she's sad." I stopped. "Showing that being her dad is more important than being right, or feeling good, or not having your feelings hurt."

Mikel nodded slowly. "I can do that."

"Can you? Because in ten minutes, we're going back to Emma's room and telling her that Daddy is going to stay with us for a bit. And she's going to be excited and want everything and get tired out, like five-year-olds do. She's going to test what she can get away with, and ask for things she can't have, and get upset over things that don't matter to grown-ups."

I stood up and got the papers that were signed. "She's going to need you to be patient when she's annoying, nice when she's scared, and always there, even when you're tired or mad or wish you were back in your old life. Can you really do that, Mikel? Not just think about it, but actually do it every day?"

He stood up too, facing me across the small table. "I don't know," he said honestly. "I've never been a full-time dad. I'm probably going to make mistakes, say the wrong thing, let her down sometimes. But Bella, I want to learn. I want to be the dad she should have, even if it takes me a while to figure out how to be that guy."

I was surprised he was being honest. The Mikel I married would have said he'd be perfect, would have promised more than he could do. This guy was saying he had limits but would try to do better.

"Okay," I said. "One month, then we'll see how it's going. We'll decide based on what Emma thinks and how well you do helping her."

"And if I screw up?"

"Then you try to do better tomorrow. Emma is strong, but she needs someone who will always be there. Don't say you'll do things you can't, and don't leave when things get hard."

We went back to Emma's room without talking, both thinking about the deal we just made. At the door, Mikel stopped me, touching my arm gently.

"Bella, I know you're doing something really nice here. Letting me in your house, in Emma's life – you didn't have to do that."

"You're right, I didn't." I looked right at him. "I'm not doing it for you, Mikel. I'm doing it because yesterday I saw my daughter get so happy when she saw her dad was real. I saw how happy she was when you hugged her, and heard her so excited when she talked about teaching you how to braid hair. Emma has been dreaming about having a dad for years. If you can make those dreams into something real and good, then it's worth the risk."

"And if I can't?"

"Then Emma will learn that some people can't be who we need them to be, and she'll be stronger for knowing that early on." I stood up straighter. "But I hope you prove me wrong about what I think you can do, for her sake."

We went into Emma's room. She was sitting up in bed, with the drawings Lucas brought from home all around her. She looked up at us, her eyes bright, waiting.

"Mommy! Daddy! Did you decide if Daddy can stay with us?"

I sat on the bed next to her while Mikel sat in the chair beside her. "We did, sweetie. Daddy is going to stay in our guest room for a little while to help take care of you while you get better."

Emma smiled so much it could have run the whole hospital. "Really? Every day?"

"Every day," Mikel said, sounding a little choked up. "If that's what you want."

"That's exactly what I want!" Emma hugged him, careful of her IV. "We can eat breakfast together and watch movies and you can read me stories and everything!"

Looking at my daughter being so happy, I knew I couldn't go back. Whatever happened between Mikel and me, Emma now thought her dad would be there every day. The guy sitting beside her had better be ready for that, because my daughter was counting on him now, more than she was yesterday.

"What do you want to do first when we go home?" Mikel asked Emma, and I could hear he was as nervous as I was about what was happening.

"Family dinner!" Emma said right away. "Like a real family, all together at the table. I've been setting three plates instead of two."

Three plates. It was so simple, but it meant everything Emma had been missing and everything I was trying to protect her from. Now we were going to find out if Mikel Sterling had learned enough in five years to be at our table.

"Family dinner it is," I said, and tried not to think about how easily I said 'family,' or how normal it felt to include all three of us.