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counting bullets, not blessings
publish date:
2025-07-08 15:43:20
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TO HATE, TO TOUCH, TO RUIN One Pill, Two Kisses, No Remorse
His eyes stayed on my face.Beep.Beep.“Zach, don’t you dare—”His palm cupped my jaw, firm enough to keep my face turned toward him. His thumb rested beneath my cheekbone, far from the injection mark on my neck. His other fingers slid into my hair behind my ear.He leaned down.His mouth closed over mine.I flinched.My body tried to pull back, but the pillow and raised head of the bed held me in place. My hand lifted too late, my left palm only managing to touch his chest. The hard muscle beneath his shirt didn’t move an inch.Zach’s lips were warm.Too warm.Too familiar.The faint taste of black coffee and tobacco touched my tongue. Then something small and slick passed from his mouth into mine.Bastard.I closed my throat, pressed my tongue to the roof of my mouth, and tried to push it back. Zach deepened the kiss before I could.His mouth moved over mine with the calm of someone who knew I didn’t have the strength to truly fight him. His hand remained cupped around my face, sup
TO HATE, TO TOUCH, TO RUIN Red as Wine, Bitter as Him
He stayed seated on the edge of the bed, lifted the glass to my lips, and let my two fingers remain curled into his shirt while I drank.The last of the water went down more easily.Zach pulled the straw away before I could take another sip, then set the glass on the table. His hand returned to my face, his thumb brushing slowly beneath my cheekbone, as if making sure I was still solid and wasn’t about to turn into expensive dust all over Mama’s Egyptian cotton sheets.“I’m finding out who screwed this up,” he said.I blinked. “At the club?”“Everywhere.”No doubt.Zach Romano never investigated one room. He was probably tearing apart three countries, two pharmaceutical companies, and someone’s childhood just to find out who bought the needle.“And before you ask,” he continued, “I’m not telling you anything.”I scoffed. My voice was still rough, but the sound came out with respectable quality. My body might have nearly died, but apparently my irritation had been given priority care.
TO HATE, TO TOUCH, TO RUIN The Kind of Touch That Gives Men Away
I stared at him.He stared back.My mouth felt dry. “Water.”The word came out clearly.Low and rough, but whole.I froze.I swallowed, the pain only a small scrape now. “Water.”My voice.Actually my voice.It still sounded like I’d swallowed asphalt, but it was no longer dead air trapped in my throat. It had shape. It had tone. It had me.Zach’s eyes moved to my mouth.“It’s back,” I said quietly.The corner of his mouth shifted almost imperceptibly. “Sadly.”I smiled. My facial muscles did better this time. Both sides moved, though the right was slightly late, like it always had somewhere else to be.“Water,” I repeated. “Before I change my mind and die just to inconvenience you.”Zach picked up the glass from the table. His hand went straight to the bed controls, pressing the button with his thumb.The head of the bed began to rise. My body lifted with it, but my back still wasn’t strong enough to follow gracefully. My head slipped to the side. My neck tightened.Zach’s hand slid
TO HATE, TO TOUCH, TO RUIN The Darkness Brought Him Back
I looked toward the window.The light outside had changed. The sun was no longer white and high. Its color was warmer now, clinging to the glass and the flowers like watered-down honey.I didn’t know what time it was.I didn’t know if it was evening or just an afternoon that had grown tired.My eyelids lowered on their own.Mama was still discussing food with someone outside. The broth had to be strained twice. The chicken could not come from the hospital farm. Very little salt. No cream. The potatoes had to be mashed until not a single lump could be considered a threat.Papa remained seated beside me. His fingertips moved through my hair. Once from the crown of my head. Down to the back. Then back again.I closed my eyes.Sleep came without pulling me under.No black water filled my ears. No invisible hands dragged me down. My body no longer felt like something heavy abandoned at the bottom of the ocean.I was light.So strange.Like every bone had been removed one by one, cleaned, t
TO HATE, TO TOUCH, TO RUIN Someone Kept Lifting the Lid
Mama was still staring at the sheets with personal offense when Dr. Keller returned with a nurse and a woman in glasses carrying a small tray.On it sat one white bowl, a glass of water, several spoons in different sizes, and something pale cream that looked like food that had lost the right to have texture.I stared at it.The woman in glasses smiled at me. “I’m Dr. Rivas. I’d like to check your swallowing before we give you any food.”Mama immediately glanced at the bowl. “That’s the food?”“Rice porridge and thickened chicken broth.”“It looks like wall paint.”Dr. Rivas paused for one second. “The texture is designed to make it safer to swallow.”“Safe and appetizing don’t have to be enemies.”Papa lowered his face and rubbed his chin. His shoulders moved slightly because he was laughing.Dr. Keller took her place beside the bed. “We’ll start with ice.”The nurse touched a small piece of ice to my lips.Cold.The sensation arrived quickly this time, not three days later through ec
TO HATE, TO TOUCH, TO RUIN One Blink Means Murder
Thumb.I sent the command down to it.Nothing happened for one second.Two.Then the tip of my thumb shifted.Barely. So embarrassing.“Good,” she said.Don’t patronize me with kindergarten praise, doctor.“Index finger.”I concentrated.My index finger moved more easily. It only bent slightly, but it moved.“Good. Now your middle finger.”Ah.My favorite.Finally, a task suited to my natural abilities.I tried.Nothing.I stared at the finger.Try again.No.A tiny twitch started at the base, then died before reaching the first joint.Dr. Keller wrote something on her tablet. I turned my head toward her.She stopped writing.Papa sighed beside me. “Don’t kill her.”My eyes moved to him.“Your recovery will take longer if we have to fly in another doctor from Zürich.”I blinked once.Disagree.The corner of his mouth moved.Dr. Keller looked between us. “What did that one blink mean?”“She wants to kill you,” Mama said as she picked up a warm cloth from the basin. “But don’t take it p
TO HATE, TO TOUCH, TO RUIN Smile Pretty, Stab Quietly
I spun around fast, pretending like the feel of his breath on the back of my neck hadn’t just erased my ability to walk straight.My eyes traveled up slowly, reluctant. They stopped at his chest first. The thin gray t-shirt clung to his broad shoulders, stretched tight over arms carved like they we
TO HATE, TO TOUCH, TO RUIN God Bless This Beautiful Hell
I stood in the long hallway of the villa, the home theater door shutting tight behind me with a soft click. The giant stone wall clock stared back coldly. 10:18. A.MTwo hours of Bollywood in a dark room had done nothing but slap the hell out of whatever part of my brain was still drunk on last nig
TO HATE, TO TOUCH, TO RUIN Coffee, Control, & The Lack of Both
I stood in the kitchen, wooden spoon in hand, a hot pan in front of me, and the shame from last night still clinging to the back of my neck like a bad tattoo I couldn’t scrape off with this damn kitchen knife.The oil hissed softly as bits of bacon dropped in one by one, filling the air with a scen
TO HATE, TO TOUCH, TO RUIN Lap of Danger
I pushed my bedroom door open slowly, holding my breath like the whole damn villa could still hear the noise of my heart crashing against my ribs. The dim light from the bedside lamp spilled across white walls, highlighting the rumpled gray linen sheets that had wrapped around my body just a few ho
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