Chapter 5

JACQUELINE

How dare he advise that I dump my precious Chirpy? This car meant the world to me, and I wasn't going to ditch it for any reason.

Plus, it was still in good enough condition and practical to drive.

I parked in the driveway and got out of the car, locking it and giving it a soft pat before stepping into the house.

"Mom! I'm home," I yelled as I hung my car key and made my way to the kitchen. But I found no one there.

Hungry, I searched around for something to eat but only found a half-eaten peanut butter sandwich that was almost stale.

I sighed softly and made my way up the stairs. I knocked softly on Mom's door and opened it.

"Mom," I muttered as I stepped further into the room.

I found her sprawled on the bed, a picture of Father right beside her.

"Mom," I repeated as I stepped around the open cans of alcohol.

Mom refused to acknowledge me, and my heart broke as I watched a single tear roll down her cheek.

"You've forgotten what today is," she said.

"No, I have not," I responded firmly. "Today is the day Dad left us. It's the anniversary, but you cannot continue to do this, Mom. He has moved on. You have to learn to do so too."

Mom turned her head and looked at me. Her eyes were bloodshot, as if she'd been crying and drinking all day.

Swiftly, I stood up and began to pack the empty cans of drinks.

"I can't allow you to keep doing this to yourself," I said as I took the empty cans to the kitchen. When I returned and made to cart away the unopened cans of beer, Mom got up and yanked them out of my hands.

"Give me those," she said. She took them back to the bed and opened one of the cans.

I looked at her and my heart filled with pity. I didn't understand what it felt like to love someone so much that even when they didn't love you anymore, your heart still yearned for them.

"You're killing your body with that thing, Mom. Drinking and being sad won't bring Dad back."

Mom shook her head at me as she took another huge gulp from the can.

"You know, Jacqueline, sometimes you seem wiser than your age. But I never understand why you have never missed him or wanted to talk about him."

"Why would I want to talk about someone who doesn't want to be in my life anymore?" I shrugged. "Father made his decision when he walked out of our lives. I don't live in misery simply because he's no longer here. And I think you should take a cue from me too."

I stood up, not waiting to hear anything else Mother had to say. I made my way to the kitchen, fatigue clinging to me like a glove.

I started with the dirty dishes in the sink, loading them into the dishwasher and getting started with dinner.

A few seconds later, the enticing smell of lasagna pulled Mom out of her bedroom, and she came to stand at the kitchen door, watching me with a look of fondness.

"You know, I'm so glad I birthed a daughter like you."

I turned and flashed her an understanding smile.

"Pull up a chair. Dinner will be ready soon."

Quietly, she pulled up a chair and sat. I served us dinner. We ate in silence. Mom picked at her meal and kept staring into the distance.

This was a yearly ritual for her. This was the only day she allowed herself to fall completely apart. I wasn't going to blame her or make her feel bad for grieving.

Father had left us seven years ago today. She wasn't weak for showing her vulnerability, but she needed to stop the alcohol.

"How was school today?" she asked.

"It was great," I lied, suddenly finding the plate in front of me very interesting to look at.

"Jacqueline? Is there something you're not telling me?" she asked in a soft tone of voice.

"Everything is fine, Mom."

"How about classes? Is there any subject you're having a tough time with?"

"No, ma'am," I muttered as I continued to eat.

"You don't look very okay," she said after a full minute of studying me.

"Everything is fine, Mom. You should eat more. You haven't had anything since morning."

"You should learn to open up more. It wouldn't hurt to confide in me for a change."

I shook my head from side to side as I suddenly recalled the rollercoaster my life had become.

Sammy had cheated on me with my supposed best friend, who had betrayed me. I had kissed a total stranger just to get back at them. And then, the said stranger had turned out to be my lecturer. Didn't the universe just hate me?

"How about Sammy?" Mom finally asked, as if she could sense that there was fire on the mountain.

"He's fine, Mom."

"Well, I've not seen him around for a while," she said in a low tone of voice, daring me to lie again.

But I couldn't tell her the truth—not today. She was going to be even more sad, and she would drown herself in alcohol even more.

"We've been busy with studies. He just hasn't had time to visit," I answered without looking at Mom.

"I know you're lying," Mom said in a gentle, understanding voice. "And I don't know why you would do that. But I think I'll be patient. I'll wait until you're ready to tell me what's going on."

I looked up at her then and saw nothing but understanding in her eyes.

"Thanks, Mom."

"It's okay," she said with a smile. "Now eat up." She gestured at my plate and began to wolf down her food.

And just like that, she was back to herself again. But next year, she was going to fall down this rabbit hole, and like always, I wasn't going to be able to do anything about it.