Chapter 4

Chapter 4.

----FLASHBACK----

I'm here, lying on the ground in this dark night. I'm searching for a playmate but I found no one, don't they want me to play with them?

I almost jumped because of shock when a man held me from behind, but before I can even look at him, he made me smell something and that made me sleep.

~

"Shut up kid!" A man from behind me shouted and started to hit me with a belt in the back. I was just asking for him to let me play even just for a minute, was that a bad thing?

It's already a month after I've been here but why can't they stop hurting me? I never disobeyed them, I'm a good girl.

"Ouch, please have mercy on me. I'll be a good girl I promise." I started crying when I felt the pain and my back was slowly getting numb.

Pain, so much pain... Huhuhu m-mommyyy I just want to play, I'm not even asking for a toy, am I a bad girl for that?

Should I stop wanting to play then?

The bad guy started hitting me again but it stopped, so I felt relieved, but I just lost my consciousness when I felt myself being electrocuted.

~

I woke up seeing darkness again. I'm now fifteen years old but it's funny that I'm still here in a dark and dirty basement which I treat as my torture room.

I can now see how thin I am and how pale my skin was.

My whole body was numb, it feels like I can't feel pain anymore. But I'll always cry not because I'm hurt, but because I'm tired. Tired of living in this unfair world.

It's already eight years since I've been stocked here doing nothing but to cry, feeling so hopeless, it's funny that I can't even kill myself because I'm still hoping that I'll survive this.

But as expected, everything that I want to have won't be mine, even my own freedom. Why am I so dumb to even think of being free? I even forgot what the feeling of happiness is.

Is there even an emotion called happiness or it has already vanished years ago? Because if there is happiness, why am I even stocked with emotions excluding happiness? Can someone tell me where I can find that?

Hell, I wanna go to school so bad. I wanna experience having a circle of friends who will stay with me no matter what and a family that'll always welcome me with open arms in our home. But that seemed so impossible.

Are you wondering where my kidnappers are? They're still here, old enough for them to stay in the bed. Some of them already died as time passes by but I'm still here, isn't that funny?

I locked my eyes in the doorway when an old man in his fifties entered. I heard he's sick, lung cancer. Maybe karma was already playing with him, he's gonna die soon. I know that but how can I leave here when I'm chained?

He started to open the lock in the chains around my wrist that left me dumbfounded. What was he planning? Is he going to chain me in a tree in a middle of the rain with a lightning again? No please... No...

"Go now, young lady and don't ever come back. I want you gone before I die," he said then closed his eyes. I stared at him before I ran away, not minding whether I'll fall or not.

He's letting me go just now, when I already missed half of my life, funny isn't it? I mean why now? But it stopped! It finally stopped oh my god!

I wiped my tears off of my face, I don't want another hindrance from being free. I've had enough.

I started running inside the wood, taking a way where I think a safe place will hug me wholeheartedly.

And then I found this village, a silent place where I think will accept me and help me fix myself.

----End of Flashback----

My tears started to make its way as memories started to flash back in my mind. It's been so tough for me back then.

I've been in so much pain yet I'm here. Still running from the pain that is about to happen, running from what the destiny chose to what I should become.

Selfish and coward, that's you Aze.

The cold breeze of the air added to the heavy pain in my chest. It's like the wind was hugging me and trying to comfort me on its own way.

I smiled bitterly, even the wind failed to comfort me. How can people tell me to forget about everything without them knowing how it hurts? Without them knowing where my pieces are.

They told me to cope up with what I missed, what if childhood was what I missed? Should I play like a child then? Should I cry when I didn't get a lollipop? Hell no! Because that's the memory that I won't have no matter what I do.

I'll always end up laughing my pain up, and cover my aching heart with a smile. I'm a great pretender though it's always hard for me to pretend happy when I'm alone.

Look at me now, I'm so miserable and broken. I hope I satisfied that bad guy with my cries because of pain.

I started humming a song to suppress my sob. I don't want anyone to hear that I'm crying. They'll just know how weak I am but the song... It's like a song written just for me.

I just cried my heart out till my eyes hurts, I can't go out today. He shouldn't know that I've been crying because I'm afraid that he can use my weakness into his advantages.

I know it ain't good to judge him but I'm already tired of being good just to be punished. I didn't even know why they hurt me, maybe they just want me to suffer without any reason.

I don't think the world has a reason for my misery, because if it has, then why am I still here, fighting for me not to get hurt anymore?

Fuck this life! Why is it so unfair huh? Why?

I wanna shout my heart out but I just can't, even my own voice left me.

I'm already starving, but my heartaches are loud enough for me not hear my empty stomach.

Should I need another pain to help myself forget? Because that's fucking insane! I'm not risking myself again, not again!

Choices, the world is giving me choices that'll only end up to one thing, pain.