first step of betrayal

I clutched the paper tightly, almost certain that the blood in my hands had stopped flowing with how much force I had used to hold the paper.

Then the door opened. I looked up, seeing Ethan looking all sweaty and out of breath like he had run here. “Anya” He called, taking in a deep breath as he spoke.

I blinked, not expecting him to be here. “Are you… Are you okay?” I said, looking him up to down, scared that he could pass out with the way he was breathing heavily.

“I am sorry I am late, I just… the pack was under attack and…” I nodded, honestly not really in the mood for all of that.

“I hope everyone is safe” I said, my voice more in a dismissive tone than in a caring one.

He seemed to get the hang of it, because he just nodded. Not saying anything more. He opened the bared door, shocking me a bit.

“I am sorry, I would have gotten to you sooner, but the attack and all and…” I nodded again.

“It’s fine” there was this awkward silence between us.

For the first time, he was not opposed to me standing beside him, neither was he running the other direction or looking at me with hate in his eyes,  but I did not know what to say, or whether or not I wanted a conversation.

“Esme told me that my parents were banished from the pack” I said casually, trying to hide the way my chest tightened when those words came out of my mouth. I also did not miss the way he froze for a split second when I called Esme.

“Yes, but you don’t have to concern yourself about that, I promise, I led them to a safe on of the safe lands under my care, after the ceremony, I would lead you to them if you wish for it.” I nodded, feeling a sense of relief as I walked with him.

“The mating ceremony, I would carry it out today” He said without looking at me.

I stopped. “I thought…” I felt my mouth dry up a bit.

“My father was injured, we have to carry out the process as quickly as possible so that I can take care of other things. He muttered. I felt it sting a bit.

This was meant to be our mating ceremony, but he made it sound like some business plan.

“Don’t worry” he said, suddenly stopping in front of me as he held my cheeks. “After this I would make up for it” He gave me a gentle smile that felt almost too foreign for him. I nodded, letting myself smile as I looked at him.

“Really?” My voice came out softer than I intended it to be, but he did not mind. He just smiled at me, like I was something special.

“Trust me, anything you want” He said. He came closer to me, covering the space between us before he hugged me. It was really awkward for the first few seconds, making me want to pull out from the hug, but the sparks…

It was gone as soon as it came, with him pulling away from me as he looked me at me with a forced smile.

I felt the still folded paper burn against my hands as I watched him leave. Should I tell him about it? Should I keep it to myself.

“Hey Ethan?” I called before I could even think it over. He turned back to look at me. For the slightest moment, I could see the look of irritation before it was gone, making me question whether or not he had even done that face  in the first place, or if it was just because I was so used to seeing him make that face so much.

“Yes?” He tilted his head to the side, something he did when he was impatiently waited for something to happen.

“I am glad we got to start over” I said, smiling at him. Again, that forced smile spread across his face, making me question whether or not he was even happy about the whole thing.

“Me to” He let out a breath before walking off.

His dad just got injured. I told myself over and over again, trying not to make myself feel bad about how he walked off. I walked back home.

For some reason, I had expected to see my mum but it was empty, the tables were turned over as though they had fought war or something.

I stood for a long moment, tears gathering my eyes that I tried to blink away but it was all pointless.

I turned, making my way to the door. It was honestly a nightmare staying where I could barely hear my mum’s voice or my dad screaming in the background about something. I felt my legs drag me back to the pack house.

At least I could talk with Esme, she always had a way to drown out the noise in my head. I felt my steps slow down, days without food made me feel like dying right now was probably the best option but i kept on walking.

‘They are in a safe place, this is not my fault’ I mumbled to myself over and over again even though the nagging voice in my head said otherwise.

I sighed when the pack house came into view, making me rush towards it. I knew the place like the back of my hand as I spent more time here than I did my own home. I rushed to Esme’s, knowing I was most definitely going to see her laying on the floor instead of a bed. I nearly laughed out at the memory then I stopped.

Confusion washed over me as I took in another deep breath.

“Ethan?” I mumbled, going closer to her room door. The door was slightly ajar, giving me the opportunity to see inside without having to do open further.

He was there, backing the door, while she stood against the wall. They were close, closer than I would have liked.

“I missed you” His voice said, although sounding hushed like he did not want anyone to hear it. It was quiet, causing me to look further.

I stood still, watching her pull him close as she placed her lips on him….