Chapter 5

Don't start something you would just regret.

......

We live inside an invisible bubble where we are happy and contented of our lives until someone throws a tiny rock at our bubble and pops it open. It shatters us, it makes us vulnerable to the reality of the dark world. And every movement we make became measured.

The note made me wary of my surroundings as it planted a seed of fear in my brain-- some invisible hand is trying to get me. I couldn't do anything but wait for my impending doom. And I couldn't even afford to close my eyes for my senses were all hightened because of the fear encircling inside me.

I felt cold, my body was shaking though my shirt was drenched with sweat. My hands were clammy, my heart wouldn't stop the uncontrollable drumming and it was like I'm about to experience cardiac arrest.

Time seemed to drag for eternity. It could have been a year since I lied in my mattress imagining how the walls could suck me into safety.

Fear made a barrier that isolated other emotions from seeping inside me. I cried for that was the only thing that could offer me solace.

I fought and killed someone just to stay alive and yet I was facing the same dilemma I would if I have done otherwise.

......

"Your first fight was just a fucking beginner's luck! How many punches should I give you before you instill it in that brain of yours! Hitting like a fucking girl would cause your fucking life!" Nick shouted, nose flaring with anger. We were in the same thing for god knows how many hours-- him spurting angry words and I getting my face badly beaten.

I was tired, I haven't had an ounce of sleep and the anxiety wouldn't leave me alone. It was a anchor dragging me deeper into an inescapable abyss.

Nick should accept that no amount of shouting could erase the fact that I am a girl. He wasn't helping, he was stretching me to my limit.

"I am trying!" I hit my hardest.

Nick snickered catching my punch with his right hand just to throw it back to my side. I stepped away, distancing myself from him.

I stopped.

I breathe deeply freeing myself of the build up tension in my stomach. I need to be smart. If I couldn't stop hitting like a girl then I need to improvise something and use my resources.

I hit again. Nick blocked me with his hand but I second it with a kick. I caught him off guard. And I thought I was going to lay a hit on him finally but he stopped my leg with his other hand. It caused us to stumble down the floor: him pinning me and I struggling to get free of his weight. Somehow he managed to put both of his arms on my shoulders while taking a good look at my eyes.

I'm not yet done, I thought.

I inched my face closer to him not breaking eye contacts. I moved my mouth up to his and slowly bit his lower lip, sucking, kissing him. I urged him to kiss back and he did. He kissed me, soft at first then it became rougher, more demanding and hungry. His hands lost its hold as he started caressing my hair and my shoulders down to my back. My hands moved over his chest pulling his shirt down, urging him for more.

I got him. My knee slightly curved and my knee connected to his groin.

"Ugh!" he e shouted in pain while writhing on the floor. We both heaved in exhaustion, looking at each other's eyes; him trying to read my thoughts.

I shook my hand and stood up, dusting my behind. His taste still lingered in my mouth.

"Nice. " Nick said half standing as I offered my hand to him. I thought he would be mad for what I did-- praise was far from what I had expected. "Though it won't help. You're going to fight girls for a few years maybe. That's it when you survive your next fight."

I cringed at the thought of another fight. The first almost killed me and again I would be facing another one.

"Are you done with practice, Nick?" asked the guard who came to fetch me.

Nick glared at me wanting to tell something but he nodded to the guard and left for another girl in the next ring.

I walked in silence, head bowed down behind the guard. He wasn't trying to make conversation and I was glad for it.

I dragged my stone clad feet until we reached my cell. I moved inside the metal door as the familiar beeping signaled the leave of the guard.

I wanted to drop down the mattress and mybe sleep if I would be lucky enough. But I had to be sure first, I rounded my eyes across the tiny room and I grew glued at the corner of the mattress to a tiny framed picture of a smiling woman. She was wearing a red woven jacket with white sloppy embroidery of "best mom" in the center. A picture I couldn't possibly forget, it was only taken last christmas by my own hands. My mom was wearing the gift I made for her, she loved it. It was a picture that supposed to be hanging at our living room.

I cried and cried more, it was the best motivation they could offer me. It worked it really worked.

......

I dropped down to the floor of the arena as a powerful punch hit me solid on the face.

I haven't hit back at least one. The fight was not equal in any way. The girl in front of me was twice my size and her muscles showed how much power she got.

I groaned as another fist connected to my face, making my ears ring. The shouting of the crowd went silent-- my ears deaf from the punches.

I hit my back on the metal railings of the arena. My opponent was cornering me with kicks but I didn't back down.

I run to my opponet. "Ah!" I pushed at her chest. I pushed and pushed but she stayed rooted in her spot.

Godzilla, the name they call the girl in front of me, my opponent. held my head between her armpit while twisting both of my arms in my back, cutting my breathing.

Pain shot at every fiber of my body, slowly killing me.

I fight aimlessly kicking my feet.

I went limp and about to stop struggling when my mom's golden face appeared before me.

My captors made sure to give me that solid inspiration with the picture. My mom, I couldn't give up on her. I need to fight. I need to think. The thought of losing her fueled me.

I swayed my legs and kicked Godzilla. At last I finally I hit the spot, the back of her knee. Her grip loosened and I wriggled out of her grasp. I kicked the girl's chin hard before she could stand up. She stopped momentarily, dazed. I kicked her again, side swiping her on the temple. She dropped passed out on the floor. I hit just the spot. Biology.

I grabbed her neck and with all the force left in me I turned it counter clockwise. Snap. The girl stopped breathing, as she laid cold on the hard black floor of the Arena. The masked people cheered around me but still no sounds came to my ears. As if I was not there but watching above, a silent movie.

Two strong hands pulled me out of the arena, down the hall. Like the first time, I couldn't keep my eyes away from the limp body of the girl I killed.

Craig dragged me as if I was some kind of a lifeless doll, as if I was dead too. I planted my feet to the ground, refusing to move fighting Craig. I pushed him away from me. I was angry and I needed something to steam off. I needed to let out all the frustrations and all the mixed emotions I was feeling.

"Don't fucking touch me! If you hurt my mom I swear! I'm gonna kill you all!" I shouted at the red plumped face of Craig. He grew flustered with anger and his face said it all.

"Stop this bullshit at this moment!" The man grew angrier as I protest to bid at his command. Stomping my feet at the ground and glaring at him.

Craig's callused hand hit my face but I didn't budge. He was about to grab me but I fought, I was tired of being a mechanical robot who would do everything they ask me, I have my enough. I have reached my tipping point.

"No!" I shouted before he could and it was me who grabbed his hand, sinking my teeth on his flesh tasting a mixture of rust and iron.

"You bitch!" He pulled something out of his back. He pointed it at me and seconds passed before it registered to me that it was a gun he was aiming at my head.

I tried to show no fear. "Fire it asshole! Go!" I challenged him.

"Craig! What are you douche doing?" Nick's panting figure asked as he snatched away the gun in Craig's hand.

"Hey! Give me that back! I'm going to teach this whore a fucking lesson!" Craig bantered with Nick, forcing to get the gun back.

"Dame is looking for you." Nick said and Craig sighed giving the fight away.

"We're not done yet bitch!" he called out with his retreating back. "I'll promise to get you back with this."

"What the hell do you think you're doing?" Nick glared at me.

"I..." I couldn't finish my sentence. I acted out of impulse, out of anger.

Nick didn't wait for me to finish and compose myself. He just dragged me to the halls back to my cell and I didn't fight him. He unlocked the door of my cell and pushed me inside as he entered as well, closing the door behind him. He pinned me to the wall, both of his hands at my sides. He inched his face at me looking me deep in my eyes. The same way I did in our training.

My heart started to skip beat. I wanted to push him away but I couldn't. The adrenaline coursing through my veins after the fight with Godzilla already left me. Nick drained me of all my strength and he was holding me captive in his arms.

"Don't start something you would just regret," he whispered in front of my face.

He dropped my shoulders and left without another word, leaving me startled. My legs felt like jelo. I crumpled down the floor trying to steady my unsteady heart.

It felt like he just punctured my heart.