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45TH HEARTBEAT
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The Badboy's Heartbeat 46TH HEARTBEAT
XAVIER ROCKWELLI have to be alone, that’s what I told to myself when I decided to push Jordi away even when I really wanted to just yank him over for a goddamn kiss.I never would’ve thought that Jordi had it in him to go as far as follow me all the here and I’m quite shocked. I didn’t even want him to know that I live in a fucking tiny and nasty apartment.“Xavier, please don’t shut me away.” Jordi begged, his voice was cracking up but I have already made my decision.I looked down on the ground careful not to look at Jordi straight in the eye because I probably might melt. And I don’t want to melt. “I’m sorry, Jordi. You need to leave now.”“I like you, Xavier.” The words that I haven’t heard from Jordi just lifted off of his mouth and then my world just rushed to a full stop.I couldn’t believe Jordi just said he liked me when I’ve been so upfront with him when I said I liked him. My world just stopped spinning at those words and when I felt my chest beat like a thunder, it began
The Badboy's Heartbeat 47TH HEARTBEAT
JORDI ADKINSThere are more than seven billion people in this so called blue planet and perhaps more than nineteen million of those are walking the face of this city. I certainly don’t know how the fuck did I end up becoming such a blind fool for chasing the person who used to make my life a living hell. I used to hold great grudge against this guy and if we were both thrown in a hunger games arena, he’s most definitely be the first person that I’m going to run after.But...There’s always the word but and somehow it just happened to me.I have already fallen for the stupid guy, that’s the ‘but’ that things had entailed. I have fallen for the very same guy who used to shove my ass inside the janitor’s closet just to pour juice on my body. The guy who used to beat the shit out of me because he thinks that just because I’m the weaker man, he has the leverage to assert such a horrible attitude. The guy who used to make me cry under the shower.But I was more than willing to give not only
The Badboy's Heartbeat 48TH HEARTBEAT
JORDI ADKINSWaking up this morning was everything like having a feel good cold shower in the middle of the hot summer. This was definitely a different day for me because I just woke up fifteen minutes early before my alarm clock. That only happens seldom in my life and it’s either I just had a really horrible nightmare that I was scared to go back to sleep or that I’m feeling much excited over something else. It’s pretty much the latter for me.I laid idly on my bed for a couple of minutes and in that moment, I was thinking of texting Xavier. I already missed him the second that I got home yesterday and now, that same longing still persists. It’s almost as if it was a symptom for an illness. However, I know I shouldn’t feel this much excitement when this should just be a normal day. I’ve known better which meant I don’t want to raise my expectations way too high because the fall might be harder.After taking my morning shower, I ended up choosing to be extra stylish today. I only nor
The Badboy's Heartbeat 49TH HEARTBEAT
JORDI ADKINSDo I want to put a label on it?Jane’s words kept on bouncing just like a Ping-Pong ball inside my head. I couldn’t even bring myself to focus during class because I have been thinking of labeling Xavier as my boyfriend. It doesn’t feel like a dream per se and I’m only saying that mainly because I have never dreamt of being with someone like Xavier. I’ve been dreaming of being with someone like Zach before. Someone who’s hot like a summer evening, someone who’s smarter than most people, someone who had a kind heart. Basically a perfect guy but I would’ve never ever imagined myself dating a guy who’s truly fucked up. And yet here I am right now in this position.Xavier was just my bully, however, things just happened the way they did. It was unimaginably unexpected in the most bizarre way. I almost had a one-night stand with him and then now, I’m falling for him.“What’s with people and labels anyway?” I mumbled under my breath. I thought I was only talking to myself when
The Badboy's Heartbeat 50TH HEARTBEAT
JORDI ADKINS“What the... Hey, Zach, what are you doing here?” I inched my way approaching Zach who’s sitting at our front porch. I don’t have any other option but to put on my congenial mask purposely making the air feel less awkward. Xavier followed behind me and I couldn’t quite tell if he’s feeling an itch of jealousy or not. He wasn’t talking but I could feel it in my bones that there’s something off.“Oh, hey. Y-you’re with Xavier.” Zach got up. I think I might have heard his voice crack up there and it did nothing but make me feel like I want to just disappear in this moment.“Y-yeah. We just uhh...” In my head, I was thinking of a lie but I wasn’t able to think of anything in the moment. “He uhm... walked me home.” I ended up uttering the blatant truth. There’s no point in lying, plus, I really want to prevent complicating things.I instantly saw the sadness that flickered right through Zach’s eyes. “Oh, I see. That’s why I... You know what, never mind. I’m just going to head
The Badboy's Heartbeat 51ST HEARTBEAT
XAVIER ROCKWELLQuietly tapping on Jordi’s computer, I suddenly had the urge to stand up and fix my package. I just had a hard on that’s way beyond my control and I’m embarrassed that Jordi might notice it when he returns. I quickly slid it off to the side and then sat back.I don’t want to admit it but I’m getting really transfixed by this gorgeous creature that’s Jordi. It was just a simple touch but there’s no denying the magic that it had cast upon me. When he traced the veins in my hand, I really felt a jolt of electricity run a full course through my body. The feral predator inside of me had its fangs and claws out and I just want to slam this angel onto the bed and take him. I want him in my skin so freaking bad but I just had to keep my hands to myself. Maybe for now and maybe for the next few hours, although I don’t know if I could take it. He told me that I could stay for the night and just by thinking about the things that I want to do with him, of the things that I want to
The Badboy's Heartbeat 52ND HEARTBEAT
XAVIER ROCKWELL“I’m really sorry, Mrs. Adkins.” Gritting in distress, I sat sheepishly at the backseat of the car as Mrs. Adkins drove going towards the hospital. I was feeling rather chilly but I know I just had to suck it all in. I eventually saw Jordi’s worried reaction and I felt really sick to my stomach. I would’ve never expected Jordi and his mom to follow me and if they haven’t followed me, I’m probably still be bleeding under the torrential rain which was fine for me. I’m already used to dealing with my all of shit alone and I should be fine even without them. Although, this time, things felt much rather different and I don’t exactly know how to feel and react except that I was embarrassed.“You were punching that wall.” Jordi spat gently checking out my knuckles still covered in blood. “Mom, do you have some napkins?”“Here you go sweetie.” Mrs. Adkins quickly handed a box of Kleenex to which Jordi grabbed. “Just clean the dripping blood.”I was very much speechless just as
The Badboy's Heartbeat 53RD HEARTBEAT
XAVIER ROCKWELLOpening my eyes and setting my sight on the person that I enjoy cuddling with made complete sense with my fantasy. This is way too good to be true but the universe hasn’t been that good to me so I know I deserve it. For years and years, I’ve been hoping for someone who would love me for whatever I am, regardless if I was a total asshole and here he is, still in deep slumber right beside me.I stared at Jordi’s serene face and thought, maybe the universe has some other plans for me. I used to bully this guy just for being openly proud of himself not fully realizing the underlying truth that I was actually attracted to him. I have suppressed that part of me because I just thought it wasn’t real, that I can’t be attracted to men. I just realized it now that there have been some occasions in my life where I was truly attracted to boys.The first time it happened was when I was nine, my mom took me to the mall for her weekly dose of shopping. I would very much say that she’
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