XAVIER ROCKWELL“I know you’ve already watched the video.” Jordi’s voice reverberated from behind as I was pulling a clean shirt to wear. He finally decided to start the topic.I closed my eyes, paused and took a quick breath before eventually agreeing to what he just uttered. “Yes, I did.”“I was drunk that night, Xavier. A-and I don’t know what I was doing.” Jordi went on pulling the I’m-drunk-and-I-didn’t-know-what-I-was-doing card on me. “I gave in to the temptation and I am very... very... very sorry for what I did.”I turned around looked at him in the eye with a straight face and it’s as if I wasn’t affected by what he was confessing to me. I started slipping on my shirt. “Of course I know you were drunk. You’re at a party. You should be drunk.”Jordi was staring at me and I don’t what was going through his head because I’m not giving him any sort of emotion. “You sound like you’re...”“Like what?” I immediately cut him off knowing he’s about to describe my current situation. I
JORDI ADKINSI don’t how things are going to be better after this or if things are even going to get better. It’s just how or if. That is the hovering question.Am I going to be okay right after this?I asked the question to myself obviously not having any idea for an answer. It was surely a difficult thing to accept the lingering reality that Xavier Rockwell just ended our relationship over what I did. It was a short-lived one per se and I guess that’s part of the reason why I’m having a hard time to let his words sink in.“We’re done. Get over it.”I was still on the bus trying to calm myself down from crying but Xavier’s words kept on bouncing back and forth inside my head. This was the very first time that I have fallen in love with someone and it’s the kind of love that I’ve been dreaming of. The tight hugs and warm kisses, the stolen glances every time we are in class together, the aggressively unbridled display of affection every time we are alone. All of those things, I’m goin
JORDI ADKINSI think it was the popular Disney star who turned into a popstar Miley Cyrus who sang such quote “misery loves company”. I don’t remember exactly what song was that but she put it out there and it was a hit. It hit me right through the core. Looking at my current situation right now, I might have to agree with her. It’s been over a week since I was joined by the unpleasant company of misery and so far, I’m still breathing though my head still feels like it’s submerged underwater.I never would’ve thought having a real heartbreak for the very first time was going to be this tough, depressing and somehow restricting. When I was young, I may have felt heartbroken each time my mom forbids me to play with the other kids outside. I thought someone snatching my lollipop out of my hand during third grade was another heartbreak. I thought I got my heartbroken when my mom doesn’t want to buy me the snacks that I want. During middle school, someone knocked me over for walking so slo
XAVIER ROCKWELLDealing with heartbreak was not the easiest thing in this world and I may have just learned the true power of your heart being shattered into smithereens. My mother knew that all along. I just wished she would’ve been the good mother that I’ve always wanted her to be and warned me about the dangers of falling in love and getting your heart broken. I may have gone through a lot of breakups in the past but they weren’t as agonizing as this one and that’s most probably because I wasn’t truly into women before.Ending things with Jordi Adkins seemed to be the beginning of the real deal. As far as I’m concerned, it hasn’t been that easy to be me and to be surrounded with people who simply does not care about me. The days have gone and passed and while I have been trying my best to ignore Jordi’s entire existence, I couldn’t deny the utter fact that I’m still feeling shaken every time I see him in class.How was he doing?How was he holding up?Did he found someone else to r
XAVIER ROCKWELLWhen I inched my way to school the following, I saw many kids wearing most of their expensive attires, some are in colorful dresses, some are wearing their expensive sneakers and also, most of them are wearing their wide widest and most excited smile. It seemed to me that they couldn’t wait for the day to be over and they’ll be on their way to embark on their holiday adventures. Well, except for me. I’m not really excited because school’s the only place where I know I could kill my time. The last day of school this year shouldn’t be this hard. In fact, it should be the happiest day but I guess that’s only for most people. I’m not most people.The very same day, last year, I wasn’t very much excited for the dawning of the holidays and that’s mostly because I’m entirely aware of the fact that I’m going to spend the rest of those days selling stuff for Hector. Also, I know I’m going to spend the rest of those days running for my life whether away from our tiny apartment,
JORDI ADKINSThe spirit of Christmas was already upon us and comes along with it was the coldest breeze to ever grace my skin. I took a moment to shiver and adjust from such nippy brush of the wind that just passed by. I had to quickly take my jacket out and wear it before I could even freeze to death. I was probably one of the few people who decided to run for the door once Principal Sanders closed the show. I thought I was suffocating because of the level of oxygen being too low for people like me and when I got outside, I was slapped with such coldness.The school auditorium was truly heated in both ways that I could ever imagine. Not only that there are a lot of people warming up the air but what happened at this year’s play was also heated and quite frankly, controversial. It will probably go down in this school’s history as one of those night who changed the course of the universe. I guess those straight mostly white people who think they’re holding the supremacy were all shook
JORDI ADKINS“Hey mom,” With shallow breathing, I began speaking once my mother answered my call. This was going to be the very first time that I’m going to ask permission from her to go to a party without any sort of occasion like a Halloween party and whatnot. “Are you home already?”“I’m still at work, sweetie. I’m doing some overtime to finish all the jobs before I get off for holiday. My boss is such a whack. he does not want me to go on a holiday without finishing everything. Why? What’s the matter sweetheart? Are you in some kind of trouble? Did something horrible happen to you? Do you want me to pick you up?” The woman over the other line went on seemingly rapping everything. She might think she’s some kind of Lauryn Hill.“Mom, calm your ass down. I’m totally fine. Nothing happened.” I was looking over at Nikki and Jane and the look painted on their faces was nothing worry. They’re probably thinking my mom doesn’t want to let me go.“Oh, so what is it then, sweetheart?”“I’m
JORDI ADKINSI had no idea Nikki would spontaneously invite us to this party and then leave us on our own like we’re some social butterflies who could blend easy with a crowd of strangers. I got really scared of that. Not only that I wasn’t ready to enter a house crowded with strangers, I also lost the excitement that I was feeling earlier. On the flip side, this was perhaps a difficult challenge that even when I got scared, I’m still willing to take. Somehow, it’s to be like an underwater breathing challenge but Jordi’s very much up for the task.Looking over at Jane casually taking a sip of her alcohol, she seemed like she’s not scared to be surrounded by strangers at all. This brings me to the fact that Jane and Nikki were just the same in some type of way. They might be on the opposite side of the spectrum but there’s a point where they converge together. Nikki is obviously the loudest and the miss mouth almighty one in the group. She talks a lot and she doesn’t back down on anyth