JORDI ADKINSThe floor doesn’t look very friendly with all of the dirt and the soda that was spilled but at this point, it’s the only friend that I have left other than myself. I sat on my knees for quite a while and helplessly watched as Chad and the rest of the senior members of the soccer team slowly walk out of my sight. Chad was holding Xavier by the arm most of the time and that sort of sealed the deal for me.No more Xavier Rockwell for me, I guess.Perhaps, I’ve been overly delusional with things between Xavier and I that I never really thought this through. Xavier and I are both living in two different worlds now that I’m beginning to think of it. He’s way too popular and I’m just the little gay loser that almost every single heterosexual man loved to poke fun at just because I don’t have the ability to fight back.I can’t even get over this rising thought that maybe, just maybe, Xavier and I aren’t really going to work out. We are never going to be written in the stars and w
XAVIER ROCKWELLHow many times have I fucked up in this lifetime? Definitely a lot of fucking times. If I’m going to count those times that I’ve fucked up with my fingers, I’m going to need more fingers and even more toes at that. Even so, this was the one time that I didn’t want to fuck things up. After what happened the first time, I swore to myself that I’m never going to fuck shit up with Jordi. I quickly repaired the bridge right before it collapses but things just went south right now and I might have actually burned that same exact bridge.I should probably kill myself right now. There’s no point in breathing more oxygen when I know I’ve already destroyed my relationship with Jordi just by simply doing nothing at all. The mere fact that I never did anything to stop or even at least distract Chad from pouring that soda right on Jordi’s head or even forcing Jordi to kiss his shoe was an unforgivable crime.When Chad showed up out of the blue, I almost want to grab Jordi’s hand an
XAVIER ROCKWELLI feel like a plastic bag drifting through the wind and I just want to start over again but it’s not going to happen. I feel like I’m stuck in the middle of the sea and there’s no one there trying to rescue me other than myself.As the rush of alcohol entered my system, I began to feel like the entire world was plotting against me. For starters, I never wished to be born in a family that’s brazenly defined by the word complicated. Not only that my dad’s a cheating spineless bastard but my mom’s also a sunken shipwreck and that leaves me, a fucking mess. To make matters even worse, I’d have to live my life like I’m always out for myself.Life’s really quite an unpredictable rollercoaster riddled with ups and downs and spirals, and perhaps I’m taking that ride with my mom. In spite of that, I feel like I’m all alone on this ride.To be perfectly honest with myself, I haven’t met someone that I truly liked before and that’s until the moment I got trapped in Jordi’s mouth.
XAVIER ROCKWELLWhen I got home, I had this pre-existing thought that it was already the end of the emotionally draining day that I’ve had. I’m finally having a moment to lie down and let my thoughts run through my already stressed out head. However, I was instantly vexed when I learned that I still have to fucking deal with my mother and her new boyfriend. Apparently, my mom thinks she could just bring a new guy home just because Hector’s gone. I haven’t seen the guy quite yet because they locked up the single bedroom that we share as if they were teenagers doing something unimaginable.I was pretty sure the guy inside the room wasn’t Dondozzo mostly because of the deep baritone voice. Dondozzo’s voice doesn’t really sound like that and I know that for a fact because I loathed his voice when he’s singing.I ended up spending the night on the couch and when I woke up the following morning, I saw a youthful chocolate-skinned guy coming out fresh from the shower. Not even I can’t imagin
JORDI ADKINSThe weekend passed very unbearably sluggish for me. Before the recent disaster that had occurred last Friday, I really thought I’m living a bit of a difficult life with Xavier and the rest bullying me. I was slightly wrong about that. It turned out that there are people even worse than Xavier and as much as I wanted to hate him for literally doing nothing, I could only hate myself.I should’ve said no when Xavier asked me out. It’s true that I’m starting to see the real Xavier hidden behind the tough facade and I would admit that I’m slowly falling for the stupid guy. However, the stars above do seem like they have an entirely different plan for either of us. If I had said no, then things would’ve been much easier for me to handle. I could’ve spent my weekend without having to overthink about a lot of things.The mental and emotional turmoil that ensued from last Friday got me writhing with anxiety. On one hand, I kept on having a lot of what ifs and it wasn’t very pleasa
JORDI ADKINSWhen I finally walked out of school, I was more than surprised to see a very familiar car stop by right in front of me. The windows subsequently rolled down and there was this hot boy looking like a Herculean god with his biceps unwittingly flexed. It was Zacheus Riley and he was wearing his pearly white matinee idol smile. A lot of girls chiefly admire this handsome guy, including me obviously but I just don’t understand what’s going on.“Hi.” Zach greeted waving his hand.“Zach?”“Hop in, Jordi. I’m going to give you a ride home.” Zach intoned vocally. He’s clearly not asking me about it, he’s clearly giving me an order that I may not be able to refuse.In my head, I’m sure I didn’t want to add anything more to what I’m currently going through. However, there’s a huge part of me that wants to be distracted and this was a perfect distraction.“Just so you know, I’m not going to just hop inside a stranger’s car.” I leaned over and thought of playing. “My grandma always sa
JORDI ADKINSIt’s been over a week ever since the last time I encountered Xavier Rockwell and that’s basically a record for me and him, I guess. So far, I’ve been having a great week and my life’s not been intentionally bothered by anyone. Xavier has not tried to push me in one corner or confront me Xavier style or shove me into the janitor’s closet. He never even attempted to show up at my house unannounced. We are both basically together in a lot of classes and so far, he’s pretty much back to his old habits. If he’s not sketching something at the back of his notebook, he’s always taking a careless nap and at some points, I could see him stealing glances over me but every single time that happens, I basically act as if I never caught him.I don’t want to admit it to myself but a small part within me still feels like it wants Xavier to be up in my ass. Not in a literal way but I’m still hoping he’d try to approach me even though the biggest part of me wants nothing to do with him. Wh
XAVIER ROCKWELLI have never been so overwhelmed with guilt in my life ever since Jordi arrived crashing right in front of the doorstep of my heart. Even when I just robbed a store for some food a few days ago, I’m still not guilty about that. I’m rather thinking about what could I do in order to bring Jordi back in my life. Losing the person who showed enough attention towards me felt like I’ve lost a huge part of me.I’m not going to lie; I’ve been missing Jordi and it’s making me feel less than a person. The thought of him hating me for life was just killing me from the inside out. I just want to hold him by the arms and kiss his tender lips and hug him as tight as I could. I just want to see his face and tell him how much he meant to me. I have a lot of things that I wanted to say and do but I don’t know if I deserve it. I don’t know if I deserve Jordi.When I got to school, I was still visibly frightened of approaching the guy who deserved every single speech of apology from me.