003 How Can I Ever Belong Here?

(Serena)

“James, you never told me Savannah was back! What a wonderful surprise. Oh, she’s just so stunning, isn’t she? Pregnancy really suits her!” Margot gushes.

James tenses beside me. “I thought you’d already know.”

“Never mind. I must go say hello. And don’t worry, Serena dear, once I get the secret to stay pregnant from her, I’ll let you know.” 

With that remark, she’s gone to greet Savannah, leaving me feeling like being punched in the gut. 

That’s what she said to her daughter-in-law who lost a baby not 6 months ago.

My eyes sting with tears. 

How can any person be so cruel?

James squeezes my hand. “I’m sorry. She shouldn’t have said that.”

Don’t apologize for her, defend me.

“Serena! James! Surprise!” Savannah’s smile is deadly as she waves. “I was feeling lonely, so I thought I’d take you up on your invitation after all, James.”

“I never heard him ask you…” I say.

“Oh, not today. He asked me last week when we had lunch.”

So they have been talking since last week.

***

I’m trying to be the wonderful wife while James does his thing but all I see is Savannah holding court.

Margot is trailing her like some puppy.

Savannah sips punch like its vintage champagne, laughing at something a senator says. She’s captivating. Polished. 

I would almost admire her if I didn’t want to throw her through one of the ballroom windows. But I wouldn’t, of course.

Everyone here seems to know Savannah.

Except me. I know now I should’ve listened to my best friend Haylee when she tried to tell me he had a past.

But I refused because everyone has a past and everyone deserves a chance. 

Plus the gossip news will literally fire on anything to sell. It wouldn’t be fair to judge him, or anyone, based on that.

So I purposely stopped looking. I took what he said at face value. 

I figured if he wanted me to know anything, he’d tell me when he was ready.

Guests are whispering around me. 

I’m invisible to them. Just part of the decor.

“Oh, it’s been so long since Savannah’s been back in the city.”

“And she looks better than ever. Pregnancy suits her.”

“Remember that photo shoot she did with Vogue when she was eighteen? What a glow-up.”

When I looked over to her,  Savannah’s eyes were locked on mine.

She touches her stomach and suddenly winces. Her free hand clutches the back of a nearby chair.

Margot gasps like someone just pulled a gun. 

“James!” Margot calls, louder than necessary. “Savannah needs to sit! Someone get her some water. Serena, dear, would you?”

Me? Of course.

“Yes, sure.” I walk toward the bar. I grab the glass of water and head back across the ballroom.

When I return, Savannah is sitting. James is leaning over her, Margot is beside her fanning her gently with an event program.

“Get her feet up,” Margot says with command-level calm. “She can’t stay sitting in her condition. James, darling — didn’t you say you booked a room upstairs? She could lie down there.”

“Wouldn’t she be better off in her own hotel room?” I say as I hand Savannah the glass of water.

James turns to me. “Just for a little while. So she can rest. I’m not sure she should be alone right now.”

He does look worried. So I agree. “It’s fine, we’ll take her up.”

James comes over to me and kisses my cheek. “You are really the best, you know that?”

“I can see it’s important to you. Anyway my feet are tired enough in these shoes.”

“I’ll rub them later for you.”

“I’ll hold you to that,” I say with a smile. “I’ll get my jacket.”

Then Margot smiles.

“Serena, dear — before you do that, would you be a darling and entertain the guests from Veronia? They are our newest clients, and I can’t afford to let them feel neglected.”

“I suppose, for a few minutes…”

“Thank you, dear. They're charming people. Salt of the earth. You’ll relate.”

Relate.

Right. Because I'm salt of the earth as well.

“James will be fine to take Savannah up. They can catch up on old times. They have some very amusing stories, but I’m sure you’ve heard all about those…”

“Mother, can you please stop,” James says quickly.

“Oh, I’m sorry. I thought you’d have told your wife about your ex. I mean Savannah was practically my daughter-in-law. Of course I still care for her.”

“Yes, and she left me, so why don’t you just shut up about it.”

I’m absolutely stunned by all the information forced on me tonight. 

“Serena, you don’t have to talk to them if you don’t want to. I can come back later and do it.” James tells me in all sincerity.

I’m an idiot, I know, but I love this man too much to see him this distressed. 

“James, it’s okay. You go with her. I’ll be up soon. But I want you all to myself later.”

“Okay,” He smiles, “thank you.”

Then they left.

***

This was supposed to be our night.

Instead, I’ve been demoted to event staff by Margot.

And James is upstairs, taking care of a woman who called him her husband. 

A woman he was once engaged to, who is clearly here to break up my marriage. 

I’m trying not to overthink this but it’s hard. 

I really need to go up there.

I give my apologies to the guests and bid them goodnight and slip out before Margot notices. 

I take the penthouse elevator alone and the doors slide open at the top floor.

And I stop. I can hear them chatting. 

I walk along the short rose-lined hallway. 

I see them in the hallway mirror.

Savannah is in bed. 

Our bed. 

Mine and James’ bed.

The covers are turned back. The lighting is low. 

He is laughing in that low intimate way he does. 

She’s wearing a robe, my robe, and leaning back on the pillows like they’ve just finished pleasuring each other.

Maybe they have. 

James is sitting on the edge of the bed but he jumps up when he hears my footsteps and heads into the living area. Our eyes meet briefly in the reflection of the hallway mirror.

Now he’s at the bar making a drink. I can hear the ice tinkling.

Savannah glances up when I get to the bedroom doorway. “Serena, you’re back! This isn’t what it looks like! The couch was hell on my back. Hope you don’t mind. I just needed a hot chocolate and get my feet up.”

Yeah, up around your ears, you hoped.

I ignore her and walk out to James. “So, she’s sleeping in our bed now?”

“She said she couldn’t get comfortable on the sofa,” he says, not looking at me. “It’s just until she feels up to heading back to her hotel.”

“Why are you so invested in her?”

“She needed a place to rest,” he says. “She’s my oldest friend.”

“Friend?”

“Yes.”

“You were engaged.”

“Look, it’s in the past. I’m married to you. I love you.”

“Do you?”

He takes a step closer. “Of course. I’ll talk to her later. I’ll make it right.”

I have to ask one thing.

“Are you the father of her baby?”