Chapter 22: Reckless and Scathed

She stopped the driver a few miles from her apartment.

“I’d stop here” she said

“Sure. But can I at least know where you live? There are no houses here”

“I said I’d stop here. What don’t you understand about that” She said rudely.

She dropped from the car and walked into the Z hotel, still tired and unshowered from last night. She entered the elevator to the rooftop.

She ordered a bottle of Hennessy which she drank until she could no longer think,  blurring the margins of her mind until she was numb. Zara couldn’t reason anymore, she sat on the high stool burrowed into the depths of her despair.

Her eyes were glassy red with unsaid things and her hair scattered and loose.

“You know what else is worse than satan? 

Men! Men!” she said to the unfortunate bartender who looked at her like a mad woman and wondered why the universe had decided to bring such a woman to his table early this morning. She pushed out her glass for a refill.

“One more” she said

“I’m sorry ma’am you’ve had a full bottle of whisky and judging from the look of things I don’t think you can handle more”. His conception of her as an insane person was more obvious now in his looks.

“Shut up you punk! I pay you so don’t question me. Now do as I say” Zara said at the top of her voice.

“Please have some water, that would help” he gave her a bottle and she gulped it in one sitting.

“Thank you” she peered into the name badge on his shirt, Mervin smith.

Tall and blue eyed Mervin with a lean body. He was handsome.

She laughed suddenly. Her laughter had a loud echo. She then reached for her phone  now ringing, and held it lightly to her ears. Mervin was back wiping glasses. She called Isla

“Hey Zara, how's it kicking?” Isla was ecstatic

Zara started crying. The tears erupted heavily like a downpour from her reddened ears. Her transition from laughter to tears jarred Mervin.

“What’s wrong Zara?” she asked

“Nat. He has a son and a baby mama. I feel so used I can’t—“ she was sobbing loudly now.

“Isla, where are you? I need you to tell me you’re fine. Don’t do anything crazy. Just wait there I’d come find you”

“Don’t try to find me. I might be dead before you reach me”

“Jesus, you need to calm down” Isla understood the probability for deranged actions in such moments of grief.

“What’s the address?“ she asked.

“It’s drowning my sorrows in alcohol street” she hung up and the waiter gave her a tissue paper.

“I understand you must be going through a lot Ma’am. But please don’t try to to harm yourself” he said

“I loved him. He was the only thing in my life that made it make sense. My fine tall man with all the money in the world and the biggest dick I could only dream of”Only to find out—she was coughing now, “he has a son and a woman, a secret life”

“I’m so sorry”

“You all are scum. Liars and cheaters. I hate you” she said

Mervin took a deep breath.

“Look! I’ve been there but best believe how you react to it is all that matters. The best thing you could do is to chill out and relive your mind”

She didn’t say anything so he went on.

“I broke up with my girl a couple of months ago. Apparently I wasn’t man enough for her.  I couldn’t give her the life she wanted.  I’m broke. Still I’m. She called me a powerless worm. This is someone with whom I invested 5 years with”

Zara continued crying.

She poured the remnant from the Hennessy into a glass from the counter gave him to drink.

“To broken hearts, broken glasses and other broken things” she said as they clinked their glasses together in desolation.

“I wanna book a room” she said

He led her to the receptionist where he held her staggering self to be stable. Room 306.  As she went in she pulled him in.

“I’m sorry I can’t” he said

“Don’t you want me” she was rubbing her fingers on his body now”

“I can’t” he tried to open the door and leave

“Shuuu!” she shut him up

“It’s against hotel policies. I would lose my job” he looked shy, refusing her.

“I see the desire in your eyes” she looked deep into his eyes.

Although he was a bartender, she found him attractive as if the wine had dissolved her taste for men. Zara took her silk dress such that it fell lightly to the floor and she stood there, naked like a sin.

Mervin gave into her kissing but delicately as if he feared to go deeper. She unbuckled his belt and took off his pants. He had a sexy body in lean muscles and a flat chest with gold tanned hair. She looked into his blue eyes. Zara was impressed until she saw his dick.

‘Nothing like Nat’s’ she said to herself,

hiding her disappointment.

He led her to the bed and laid on top of her. He rigorously moved inside her but yet she felt nothing.

He was an anxious performer in bed, asking fearful questions like “Are you enjoying it?”

“Is that painful or too much for you?”

Zara laid still as a coffin. She couldn’t even fake a moan. His almond seed of a dick was just terrible. When he had climaxed, she repulsed and asked

“Was it even in?”

Mervin felt sick.

“2 minutes man” she said, shaking her head.

“Boy, get off me” she pushed him away and looked for her clothes.

“You're so weak,” she said.

“Gosh! why did I even do that” her lucid return brought with it, a startling regret.

Mervin ignored her, nursing his humiliation. He got dressed and was about to leave when he said

“Sure you don’t want more?  You could have my number if you wish?” he said hopefully.

“Get out!” she said

How odd? she still felt a reminisce for Nat, still had a tinge of affection for him. It seemed she may never find another golden penis again.

But she reminded herself that what good was luxury and dick if it came dressed in lies?

She began boldly making up her mind.

She would not return to Nat.

She would resign from him and he would find a better man with money and a bigger dick.

She would launch her fashion brand and focus on her career.

She looked at the mirror and combed her hair such that it fell to her shoulders like a celebration, and weeped for the last time. Her face, the hellish fury of a woman scorned!

All through the night Nat called but she would pick up.