I should have.

I sit in the stillness of my room after finishing the call with Aunt Ava. A tired sigh escapes my lips as I lean back against the headboard as the weight of her request settles heavily on my chest. What on earth did I just get myself into?

I meant it when I said I’d do anything for Aunt Ava and I know I agreed to her request, but this feels different. This feels like I am about to open a can of worms.

Noah and I have a history. Not the kind people smile about when they’re older and wiser. No, ours is made of jagged edges and silent wounds. For reasons only known to him, he’s always hated me. From the very first moment we met, it was like something inside him decided I was the enemy.

I tried everything to make him like me; God, how I tried. I’d chase after his approval, desperate for a sliver of kindness, only to be met with cruelty that left me shattered and in tears. No matter what I did, how hard I tried to be liked or noticed, nothing ever worked.

He would always say something hurtful and demeaning and I would always end up crying and feeling sorry for myself. I never got it, honestly. Sure, I came on a little bit too strongly, but I doubt that is reason enough to hate someone.

I was only eight. He was nine. But even at that age, the hostility in his eyes was unmistakable. He always treated me like the damn antichrist. It always puzzled me how such a small boy could carry so much hate at that age. It would have been different if he hated others too, but it wasn’t. He had no trouble showing the best parts of himself to others... But never to me.

Being around each other never ended well, especially for me, so eventually, I learned to stay clear of him. It hurt less that way.

 I haven’t seen or talked to him in years, so why did I agree to be the one to search for him? The last time I  saw him was at his wedding. I watched him getting married and told myself that was it. That was the last time I’d allow myself to feel anything for Noah. I made a promise that day: I would not break my heart again for someone who never saw it in the first place.

It was a decision I made for my own peace of mind and I have never looked back. Not until now.

So here I am. Heart racing. Gut twisted in knots. About to go looking for the one person I’ve spent years trying to forget.

Feeling a familiar heaviness in my heart, I push those painful memories away. I’ve come a long way from the girl I was. The girl who had her heart trampled over and over again by the boy she loved. There was no way I was going to allow old griefs to resurface.

Instead of focusing on the past, I pick my phone back up and call Lilly. The phone rings twice before going straight to voicemail. I try again; nothing. A frustrated grunt leaves my mouth as I try once again, only to be disappointed.

“Fuck!” I hurl the phone onto the pillow beside me, startling Blackie, who gives me the filthiest look a cat can manage.

“Sorry, my sweet girl,” I say, guilt creeping in. “I wasn’t cursing you.”

She hisses softly before leaping off the bed.

With a sigh, I push myself up and head to the bathroom. After brushing my teeth and washing my face, I stare at my reflection in the mirror and tired eyes stare back at me. My heart feels heavier than it should.

I grip the edges of the sink, bracing myself against the rising tide of dread. This isn’t just a favor. This is a return to a past that nearly broke me.

Am I really ready for this? Am I really ready to face Noah again?

It’s been six whole years. Six years of peace. Six years of tranquility. Six years of healing. Am I really ready to throw it all away? Because that’s what will happen if I go ahead with this. The man has hated me since I was eight. I doubt he would have had a change of heart in the six years I avoided him like the damn plague.

My hand tightens around the bathroom sink as my dilemma eats at me from the inside out. I already promised Aunt Ava. She has never asked anything of me that she wouldn’t do herself if she could, so how could I back out now?

With a shaky breath, I straighten my back and shoulders. I stomp back into my room and head straight for my closet. I throw on the first clothes I see—a baggy T-shirt and soft sweatpants.

 The quicker I got this over with, the better.

Blackie meows at me from across the room.

“I won’t be long,” I promise, scooping her up and hugging her close, hoping I could absorb some of her strength and courage.

She purrs softly, grounding me in her quiet way. I set her down gently, making sure she has food and water before grabbing my keys and heading out.

Once I am outside, I quickly get in my car before immediately locking the doors. I live in a safe neighborhood, but you can never be too careful.

It’s only after I start the ignition that I realize I haven’t thought this through. I just sit there. The engine hums beneath my hands, but I don’t move. I have no plan. No leads.

Noah could be anywhere. This was foolish. What was I thinking?

Aunt Ava thought I was her best shot, but maybe I am not. Sure, I was obsessed with him when we were younger, something I’m still embarrassed of, by the way. I knew him better back then, but like I said, it’s been six years. I probably don’t know him as well as I used to.

I try to think of the one place he would go to but I end up coming up blank. I eliminate the obvious. Not the cemetery— That would have been the first place they checked.

Not a bar or a club—Noah isn’t the kind to unravel in public. He wouldn’t want anyone to see his grief. He’s too proud for that.

And besides, Knowing Aunt Ava, she probably called every club and bar owned by Uncle Rowan and his twin, Uncle Gabe.

So, where the hell would he go?

I rake a hand through my hair, frustration bubbling under my skin. Would it be terrible if I lied? I could just tell Aunt Ava that I couldn’t find him, but then she would know I lied. The thought of disappointing her, of hearing that hurt in her voice, stops me cold.

I was about to give up when something clicked. A memory.

Noah misses her, so he’d probably go someplace that was special to them. Some place that would make him feel close to him.

A smile breaks free from my lips.

She once told me about a hidden spot. A place that held meaning for both of them. No one was supposed to know about it except the two of them, but for some odd reason she told me.

Without hesitation, I pull out of the driveway and begin the drive north. The further I go, the darker the road becomes. My knuckles are white around the steering wheel, panic clawing at the edges of my composure.

My mind is screaming at me to turn back, giving me every reason why I should go back home; I ignored it. I am doing this for Aunt Ava.

Yet even with my reasoning, I couldn’t get rid of the feeling that I was making a big mistake.

When I finally arrive, I park a little way off and begin walking.

And then I see it. A car.

The moment I saw the car, relief and dread crashed into me. Going head-to-head in a battle for dominance. The wind here was chilly, maybe because it was on top of a hill. It should have cooled me, but it had nothing on the raging emotions that were fighting inside me and wreaking havoc

 A thousand memories come flooding back, each one tugging at old scars. I take a shaky breath and move.

‘Are you sure about this?’ the voice inside my head asks.

My feet freeze and everything inside me stills at the question.

My brows furrow, and I clench my teeth against the need to turn back and ran as far away from Noah as possible. But I don’t. Instead, I pull my shoulders back and take one step forward, then another, until I’m steadily walking towards the cliff.

It isn’t that long until I spot a lone figure sitting almost at the edge.

Emotions swirl inside me

‘It’s not too late to turn back,’ it whispers again, but this time with more urgency.

I nod my head, determination settling inside and I resume walking. I am not a quitter. Neither do I break promises…but maybe I should have. I should have broken this one promise and ran like my life depended on it.

Maybe if I had known what was to come, I would have made a different choice, but I didn’t. I should have known. I should have seen it coming, but hindsight is a bitch like that.