Chapter 2

Nervous. Fast heartbeat. Cold. Buckets of sweat on palm and forehead. And a face that lost its color. That’s what I see in my reflection in the rearview mirror of my car. My face signifies the fear that I am feeling right now, the nervousness that was eating me alive. With a trembling hand, I took the last lipstick I was carrying and put it on my pale lips.

I put a light color on my lips as it was already running out. And when I was satisfied I put the lipstick back on the dashboard of my car. I was engulfed in a resurgence of nervousness in my heart when I saw the figure of the person I was waiting for.

He's wearing his usual corporate suit as he takes his exit from the building that he owns, Cruz Empire. Black slacks, white polo underneath a black tux, and a pair of expensive leather shoes. Seeing him up close after two weeks made me miss him so much. And one proof of that was the tears that are gradually filling my eyes.

My heart was beating erratically for him, for this man that I love yet I can't have again. Every beat of my heart screams for the eagerness to win him back. But every beat also speaks for a great amount of guilt that I have been carrying since that day that the world turns its back against me.

I composed myself and immediately went out when I saw him walking in the direction of his car. There was a rush in my every move as I approached him, fearing that I might never have a chance to see him again. Only the noise of the heel I was wearing filled the quiet parking lot. There were no people and only a few vehicles are left for it was already late in the evening.

“Harris,” I called his name.

I saw him stilled, but didn't glance back at me. From his back, I could already sense the frustration that he was feeling with just my mere presence. Even in the dark, I was able to witness how he took a deep sigh.

If before his every action was calm, now that I am in front of him it has been replaced by annoyance and tiredness. There is nothing new in what I see and he shows disgust to see me. There is also nothing new in the pain that I feel that I have been killed several times in a few weeks.

“Not now, Prescilla. I’m tired. Pester me some other time. I don’t have time for you and your drama,” he said coldly.

The pain in my heart quickly drew to his tone. The sweet voice that he used to use whenever he was talking to me was gone. The tender voice and words that he used to whisper in my ears are now replaced by an icy cold voice of his.

Tears clouded my vision again, for the second time tonight. This version of him pains me. The treatment he's giving me kills me. But I can't blame anyone but myself for I know that I am the one who brought this to myself.

I am the one to blame.

"I miss you, Harris," I whispered longingly. I stepped closer to him, wondering if he would avoid me. When he didn't make any move I dared to come even closer until I found myself hugging him from behind. “Maybe we can talk? Maybe you can just forget? I love you, Harris. I can't afford to lose you in my life. You are all I have, I don't want to lose you either.”

If I thought that the cold treatment I received from him would not hurt me anymore, I was wrong. Because when he untied my hand wrapped around his waist, my world completely collapsed.

The tears bravely fought earlier have defeatedly streamed faster in my eyes. Each drawing of pain in my heart only deepens the entrapment with each passing second.

But I was determined to get him back. I need to get his forgiveness.

Gradually my two knees bent until they hit the rough cement. In that position I hugged him again, on his thighs, begging him to forgive me. I could no longer help myself but let out the sob that had been warning came out of my mouth. The tears in my eyes did not subside but only got worse.

This is not the first time this has happened between the two of us. Not once did I beg him. Not once did I kneel in front of him and lower myself like what I’m doing now. But to care about my dignity and pride is something I never think of right now. Because I know it's my fault. I have to pay.

“Please, Harris, let's talk. I miss you so much. I don't know what to do anymore,” I cried.

“Let go, Prescilla. You will get nothing from me." I tightened my grip on him and shook my head hard. "Stop wasting my time."

"You don't love me anymore," I said, hurt and devastated.

He did not say a word and as a result, I began thinking that, somehow, the silence was in my favor. I quickly stood up and went in front of him. I was greeted by his stoic face, not to mention the cold aura he was giving me. I ignored his treatment because his forgiveness was more important than anything else.

I raised my hand to caress his cheek but he quickly backed away. The pain I thought was getting worse got worse. He shot me a sharp look. The care and love that used to be there had long been replaced by fury.

“Can’t you just fucking get lost?!” he bellowed. He took a threatening step towards me with his brows furrowed. He ruthlessly took my left arm and his nails instantly dug onto my skin, inflicting physical pain on me. But the pain doesn't even match the heavy feeling in my heart. “I don’t need your drama! Get out of my life, you murderer!” he spat with obvious anger and disgust. “I don't want to involve myself with a person like you. Selfish and self-centered.”

He violently let go of my arm causing me to almost fall to my feet. And without looking back he entered his car and quickly drove ‘em away from my direction.

I was stuck in the place where he had left me, quietly blaming myself for why it all ended up like this. Making me realize that I already lost this battle. That there would no cure to this situation no matter how long I kneel in front of me.

I wonder if I had just become stronger at that idevastating time. If only I had listened and believed in him. Only if I hadn’t let myseld get drowned in the fleeting fun that the things I had chosen before have brought me. Maybe it won’t be like this.

I could no longer look at his car but I was still staring at the spot he left. And place that witnessed the heartache that has been repeatedly killing me.

Toughening my mind and hardening my heart, I walked back to my car. I turned it on without even thinking about the intended destination. I don't have to think for a long time because I only need one thing now to forget all this shit even for a short while.