Five days alone

Serena's POV 

White. That was the first thing I registered — a blinding, sterile white, before the rest of the world sharpened into focus.

The beeping came next. Steady, rhythmic, too loud in the silence around it. My body ached in places I couldn't pinpoint, a dull throb settling deep into my bones the more consciousness returned to me.

I blinked slowly, my vision swaying before the ceiling finally came into view. A hospital ceiling.

Why was I in the hospital?

I tried to sit up, but a sharp pain shot through my side, forcing a groan out of me. I remained still on the bed, trying to put pieces together. And slowly, it flooded in.

The doctor's announcement. My confusion. Me deciding to go see Cassian, and…

A gasp tore out of my throat immediately. I had an accident. A car had crashed into me while I was distracted, and… and I felt something warm trickle down my feet.

I reached for my tummy the next second. I hope my baby was fine. I hope my baby was okay.

The door creaked open, a nurse walking in. “Miss,” she rushed toward me at once. “Miss, you're awake.”

“My baby,” I cried as I looked up at her. “How's my baby?”

“Ma, you're in good condition,” she said as she leaned down to me. “I shall take some readings and get the doctor for you now, ma.”

My voice broke out in a sob. “That doesn't answer my question.”

“I'll get the doctor,” she repeated and walked out. Soon the doctor was in. He took my readings and helped me sit on the bed.

“Your bones are healing,” he started as he flipped through a manual. “And you're getting better.”

“The baby…”

“I'm sorry to break it to you ma'am but the baby didn't make it.” He announced and the world faded in my face.

I had lost my baby.

I had lost the one thing I was starting to cherish.

I had lost the baby I only knew of its existence hours ago.

The tears rolled down before I could stop them, my tummy tightened as my chest ached. My baby was gone.

The one thing that I was thinking I would have in this goddamn marriage.

At the sound of the word, I chuckled sadly. Marriage. I was here because I married Cassian. He had watched Vivienne humiliate me and said nothing.

“If you…” the doctor wanted to say but I cut him short.

“I need to be alone,” the sentence came out amidst my tears and the doctor's eyes roamed over me for a second.

“The nurse will be here.” As he closed the door behind him, I crashed to the bed, my tears refusing to stop.

With a sigh, I reached for my phone beside the bed I was on. My fingers found Cassian's number and I was already dialling it. He picked at the third ring. “Do you have to ruin every moment, Serena?”

“I'm not fine,” I whispered as my fingers trembled around the phone. Should I tell him we had lost our child? Should I tell him the same day I was supposed to break the news of his child to him, I lost it?

“I had an accident,” I found my voice.

Cassian laughed from the other end. “You finally decided to come up with that because I didn't pay you enough attention, right? Learn something Serena, I don't care.”

“I lost the baby,” I murmured.

But at the other end, Cassian was talking to someone else. Someone no other than Vivienne. “It's Serena and she's just about her attention seeking issues.”

“Why haven't you blocked her on the phone yet!” I heard her annoyed voice, then stomping her feet. “Get off the phone, bitch!” Vivienne spat and the call ended.

A tear rolled down my left cheek.

He didn't hear me.

He thought I was making things up.

I was too unimportant for him to pay me attention.

Slowly, the realisation settled in, colder and sharper than ever. Cassian could never bring himself to like me. All the hope I had of us, of the family we were going to create was nothing.

They were all nothing.

Gently, I moved through my contacts, finding the number even as my fingers trembled.

Then I found it. Alissa's digits.

My coursemates from college and the only person I still had a relationship with after marriage. The one woman who had countlessly opposed my marriage.

“He doesn't respect this relationship,” she would repeatedly say. “If you are ready to leave, hit me up, Serena,” she told me one day after Cassisn had returned from his trip three weeks later, without reaching out to me.

I dialled the number and she picked up at the first ring.

“Serena.”

“I need your help,” I whispered as I held back my tears.

“At your service,” she answered from the other end.

“I want to proceed with the divorce.’

For seconds, she didn't reply as we both held the silence. Then she exhaled. “Finally. You're doing what you should have done since ages.”

————

My recovery at the hospital took five days and I didn't even get a call from Cassian. A call was even too much to think of.

Cassian never sent me a text. All I received was an email, to plan a meeting like I usually did. I never responded and he sent another follow up email, claiming I was petty.

Because he thought this was all an act following me discovering Vivienne. “I love only her,” he sent in between those emails but I never responded.

All through the five days, I communicated with Alissa. She visited the hospital, almost losing her mind seeing my state.

When she heard of the baby, she broke down and I did also.

My baby was gone.

And it took away everything I felt for Cassian. It only let a silent rage settle in my chest.

On her third visit, she came with the papers. “I'm ready to support you, Serena,” she had told me.

“Miss Laurent,” the doctor called as he entered the ward. “You're ready to be discharged.”

“Thank you,” I answered as I stood. I found my footing and limped outside, boarded a taxi until I reached the mansion that was never home to me.

I entered and outside, I found Cassian's car. He was inside. He had been home and still never bothered about checking up on me even after not seeing me for days.

The realisation wasn't meant to hurt but it still caused me to feel a piercing ache in my chest. I pushed the door open and like always a silent living room was waiting. As I settled down, I heard footsteps. 

I looked up and found Cassian descending the stairs.

“You finally decided to come home,” he muttered and headed to the door but I stopped him.

“Could I have three minutes?”

Cassian accessed me for a while before he shrugged. “Yes,” as he settled down, he raised a finger in the air. “This should be reasonable. And not like the fuss you caused the other day. Vivienne wouldn't like it.”

I almost laughed. Vivienne. Even while with me he was thinking of another woman. Even though it's just barely two minutes.

I nodded. “I understand you love Vivienne and I've decided to do something you badly desire,” my voice was barely audible, then I reached into my bag. “A chance to be with the woman you want.”

I pulled out the papers and stretched it to him. “Let's get a divorce.”

Cassian's hand stilled where he was stretching them. He gave me a perfunctory glance then grabbed the papers.

“Alright,” he whispered and knots tightened in my tummy. “Let's get a divorce.” Cassian said as he flipped through the pages. “We shall see my lawyer tomorrow and finalise everything needed.”

I nodded. “Good.”