CHAPTER 3: The Change

My winter vacation was over, however much I enjoyed at home, I felt something missing, and I realized that it was the connection that I had made with my college and I missed it. In just a couple of days, I was back and this time around I was happy, relaxed, and fully satisfied. Being back in the hostel was probably the best feeling I got in the past couple of days and I thoroughly enjoyed it. As the second semester started, I realized that I had formed a group with  Alex, Sam, and Aarush and this was probably the best thing that happened to me in the last couple of years and this friendship was probably there to stay.

With us four together life became probably more enjoyable for me in college. With Alex being with me in class we enjoyed ourselves a lot and did a whole lot of funny things, and with Sam, I did a whole lot of studies this semester, and with us four, we did a lot of things together like eating all the meals together, all the mischief and fun in each other's room and probably hanged out together all the time. This was the best time I literally had in college and I don't regret any of it.

The first month went by quite slow, as this was the time I started to bond with Sam and Aarush a little more. And soon I got comfortable with both of them. I still remember literally dragging Sam with me to take part in the working team of the upcoming fest in college, because I felt that it would allow both of us to open ourselves, to interact with a lot of different people, and will eventually make us more mature and confident. That is exactly what happened, this opened new doors for both of us. With both us interacting with a lot of different people as well as seniors, making new friends and making ourselves more confident and most importantly keeping ourselves busy and more focused on our work and studies. This helped me a lot, I felt the person who was shy to interact with people was now not afraid to talk to almost anybody, this feeling was very good and unusual for me as it gave me more and more confidence.

Between all the work of fest and with the first sessional approaching fast, the time went by very quickly and this was the first time I chatted with my doubt friend as you all can probably guess, she was Alizeh. The context of the texts was not important back then, but this was the beginning of something more, i.e. a friendship, and I would have really appreciated and loved to have a friend in Alizeh at that time, as I felt a connection with her, I don't know why but I felt that she could understand me, I know I shouldn't have thought that way but I did and I don't regret it. I guess I respected her a lot and that was the reason I felt that way, nevertheless we both texted each other although to solve each other's doubts I felt that feeling was mutual and what's better than to get to know a person who would understand you as much you do yourself. With the texts, we both started to talk to each other but I felt this was the beginning of a great friendship that will be eventually be built over time.

Amidst all the ambush, the first sessional approached again and went by quickly just like a breeze of wind but this time  I didn't fear the exams although I was a bit nervous, that feeling is natural I guess. The time moved fast and it was the month of February. Ahh...the month of love birds, of which our college was filled with, with some relationships existing while some of them yet to be made. Sometimes I think how lucky are those people who have a partner to be with, someone to go back to at the end of the day, someone to wipe off their tears, someone to listen and understand them amidst all the tension, someone to stand by them at all times, someone to hold their hand when they are sad, someone to hug them when they need it the most, someone to flirt with them(laughing), joke around with them all in a fun and loving manner, that feeling I felt is very special because I never got to experience that. Somedays I feel, maybe I am not meant to be loved or to be happy with anyone or maybe I don't deserve any of it. Ahhh..it made me sad many times, but college life and my friends made me keep going on further.

After the sessionals ended, I was back to my favorite place, which was the library, with Sam and the classes also took place as scheduled but this time my friend circle just got a bunch of new members(laughs). Earlier I used to know some people in my class but they were not my "Friends" up until the second semester. Among them was Akash (Sallu Bhai, fan of Salman Khan), who had his own swag in his attitude and his walking style. He was quite a nice guy and someone whom I grew very close with eventually. Then it was Reva, she was fearless, always laughing, and a really good-hearted person. Then there was Shiv, lean and same like Reva always laughing but probably he laughed a lot more than she did, his laughs sometimes lead us straight into problems, but he was a very nice guy, Reva's best friend, and a very trustworthy person. Then there was Piyush, he was different from all of us, funny yet understanding. The best thing about him was he didn't care about anything and that's what made him more mature than all of us, he just had one problem he understood things a little late than all of us( he was basically a dimwit). Then there was Prathu, he was on his own, interested in studies and was less interested in other things, but was really good at heart. Then there was Rahul, all of you know him but this was the semester I really made him my friend. All of them are really good people, although a headache to be with(laughing) really the ones who would stand by you at all times, and maybe this was the reason I bonded with them really well.

Throughout my life, I have made most of my friends because of studies and this time around was no different, because there were two more people I bonded with because of studies and they were Nikhil and Shanaya. I still remember my first interaction with both of them. With Nikhil, I bonded because he was Akash's roommate, although we mostly conversed for doubts at first it helped me developed a bond with him and I eventually made a friend in him. He was a nice guy, someone who you can trust, the least judgemental among all of us, and a really fun and loving-natured person. With Shanaya it was different. I still remember it was ETD(Thermodynamics) lecture and sir asked me to come and sit in the first row. I didn't know why he asked me to do that but I am glad he did. That was the first time I spoke to her always thought of her as someone with ego and attitude but she was quite nice to talk to although she initiated the conversation first and out of the blue asked me for a treat for my first semester GPA, I didn't understand what just happened and still couldn't but whatever that first awkward conversation was helped me build a bond for a lifetime.

It was March and time for all of us to be home again as our vacations were going to start. With Priyank's birthday approaching all of us were excited but I was a little nervous though, maybe that was the reason I tended to avoid his birthday party and went home instead, maybe because I was shy enough to open myself to everybody or bond with everybody, But maybe if I had gone to his birthday that day I would have had a really good picture with Alizeh and for that matter of fact with everyone who was invited but I just couldn't go and went home instead. At home, I felt quite different. I didn't really like to be at home and I just wished over and over again to be back to college. Maybe I missed its vibe and environment or maybe I felt it was my new home, I didn't know whatever it was but I wanted to be back as quickly as possible. But at least one good thing happened with me during the holidays, I got to chat and know Alizeh a little bit more and my respect for her kept on increasing and maybe that was the reason I started to bond with her and like her in the first place. I don't know what happened but she made a certain impact on my mind which refrained to wear off. I felt that it was natural because I respected her a lot and that was the reason I really understood her really well eventually when I got to really know her. With that feeling I came back to college, just trying to ignore it and preventing my mind from distracting. So I directed all my efforts and hard work towards studies as this was the thing that I felt will make or break me, so I decided to move back to it.

For the first time in the last few years, I was actually happy, just because the college has treated me so well up until now and I loved every bit of it. As all of us came back after the vacation, we all started gearing up for the upcoming sessionals, and this time I got to text Alizeh a bit more than the last time making both of us close enough to be called friends. After the sessionals, regular classes started but all of us had a sense of regret and sadness in our hearts because all of us were going to be separated from next semester as all of us were supposed to be getting shuffled brach wise, in different sections and of course, nobody wanted that.

One day we just got a free lecture, and all of us were sitting in class enjoying ourselves and were chit-chatting, then suddenly Priyank bursts out in front of all and said "Varun is going to Singapore in for his summer vacations", and before he could even finish his sentence Alizeh out of the blue just asks me "Please bring Chocolates for me from Singapore, will you?". She said this with her same polite tone and with a bit of affinity. At that moment I felt a certain setback in my mind and it kind of hit me because I didn't give her the same importance up until then which she had started to give me in the form of respect and care, even though it was a little bit, but it was there from her side. I felt that I never even greeted her properly and was very shy to even talk to her. So this, coming from her side meant a great deal to me and left an impact on me. Obviously, I agreed to bring chocolates for her, I mean "How can I say no to someone like that?" And amidst all these thoughts in my mind, we all continued our gossips.

Few weeks passed and the end semester approached. We were all ready and powered up for it and started working hard day and night just to excel it. With all our hard work and preparations, we didn't even realize our exams were nearing. I still remember the day of the Chemistry exam. Actually, the seating arrangement of our class was in a way that  Alizeh and I used to sit side by side. I still remember during the exam which was although open book assessment, there was a question which I just could not get, and similar was the case with Alizeh, so we both through our gestures decided to help each other. I wrote the answer to the question which she had trouble with, in a copy( as we were allowed to bring our notebooks for exams as it was open book) and passed down the copy to her so that she can write the answer to that question and she did the same for me. Thus we exchanged copies during the exam just to help each other, this was quite a daring stunt we both pulled off during the exams and I still remember the thrill and fear we had in our eyes after the exam for pulling this off and we both thanked each other for helping and with that this semester came to an end. I can still remember the day our exams just got over and after submitting the paper I came out of the classroom with Alizeh and Ishani and we all just sat in the Amul cafeteria talking to each other and it was time for photographs. Both of them told me "Come with us, we will take a photo together as you are part of our group now" and I really felt that affection from both of them as saying that I was part of their group meant a lot to me although I never was and I couldn't thank both of them then but I would like to thank them now for treating me like someone who was of their own family. Thus all of us went for group photographs and this day will surely be remembered by us for our life because that was probably the best class I ever had in my entire life and I am sure others also felt the same.

Some days later, the PC(C programming) answer sheets were being shown and Alizeh asked me to accompany her along with Priyank to see the answer sheets. We went to sir to see the answer sheets which took us an hour. It was too exhausting just to sit there and see sir checking our copies, although I enjoyed it because my company was way too good. I still remember Alizeh when asked sir to check her copy first as she had to leave after 2 hours for her home, yes that was the last day I saw her before the vacations started, and Priyank and I agreed as we were not leaving that day. So sir checked her copy first, she got her marks and was very satisfied with them. Now, it was my turn to get my copy checked. She just sat there patiently and waited for me just so that we can leave together, I really liked that about her and this just made me feel like we have developed a good bond. While my paper was being checked, she had to leave, so she left the room and waited for like 10 minutes outside the room, just to say goodbye to me and I couldn't even say goodbye to her properly just because of that god damn answer sheet. It just snatched away my moment, but I apologized to her via text and she even said that we will be in touch during the vacations. I knew that was not gonna happen but still hoped that it was the case and with that, she left and I couldn't even see her properly.

This semester proved to be quite different than the previous one as this brought some people into my life, some of those who would stay there for a long time and some whose memories would stay in my mind forever. It gave a much-needed boost to me and my personality as well as changed my perception regarding a lot of things and people, which was very much needed for the time which was yet to come in my life. With time, I was changing, evolving, and becoming more mature and confident, although the shyness in me persisted I felt open like I have broken a shell or something because the Varun I used to be has changed a lot and all more productively and positively and this proved to be a game-changing moment for me.