Chapter 5: Beautiful without thee

Liana's POV 

It still felt like I was walking through a maze on the second day of campus. My schedule was creased from being refolded too many times, and twice already I'd trailed the wrong hallway before doubling back, watching where other students went so I could pretend I knew where I was going too. At one point I pushed open a door that turned out to be a supply closet, and a guy passing by laughed under his breath before I could shut it fast enough. I kept my eyes down after that, counting building numbers instead of asking anyone for help. Freya caught my eye across the courtyard. We both smiled, and I finally let out the breath I hadn't realized I was holding.

Our first class was literature. The professor spent the morning on poetry, how poets describe things without saying them outright. If you want to call someone beautiful, he said, you don't just say beautiful. You say her eyes are like the moon, because the moon has its own kind of light. He asked for examples, and a boy near the front offered something about a smile being like sunrise, which got a few laughs. A girl behind me said someone's voice was like rain on a window, quiet, sure of herself. I tapped my pen against the desk, searching my mind for something worth saying. Every phrase I came up with sounded wrong, and before I could settle on one, the professor had already moved on.

I'd already scooted my chair closer to Freya's, assuming we'd be paired together. Then the professor started reading off names, and my pen went still in my hand with every one he called. Xavier and Liana, he said. You're paired. Freya and Adrian.

My stomach dropped. I didn't hear the next name he called. Freya had to nudge my elbow before I even registered. It was our turn to move seats. Of all people, I'd been paired with the guy half the room seemed to watch out of the corner of their eye, the one I'd already caught myself staring at more than once. My palms turned cold. I rubbed them against my skirt beneath the desk, but the strange flutter in my stomach wouldn't settle.

I asked if we could swap. “No,” the professor said, shaking his head. “The pairing is final. You’ll get used to working with different people.”As class let out, Freya leaned in close. “Guess you're stuck with him,” she said, smiling, though her eyes flicked toward Xavier a second longer than they needed to. I let out a loud groan. Ughhhhhh

***

After class, Xavier caught up with me in the hallway. “Are you really that eager not to work with me?”, he asked, a small grin pulling at his mouth. I looked down at my notebook, busying my hands with the strap of my bag so I wouldn't have to answer right away. “Don't worry about it”, he said. “This'll be easy.”

We found a quiet corner to work on the practical. “What's our approach”, he asked. I said something safe first. Maybe beauty is like a sunrise, I offered, remembering the boy's example from earlier. He shook his head slowly. 

Too easy, he said. Everyone says sunrise. Heat crept up my cheeks. I lowered my eyes to the page and pretended to reread my answer. For a second, neither of us said anything. The silence stretched between us, suddenly awkward. Then he tried his own, almost offhand: your eyes are shiny like the sun. Life is beautiful without thee.

I stopped writing. For a second I forgot everything else going on around us. I looked at Xavier, waiting to see if he'd realize what he'd just said. That's cute, I said, forcing my voice light, but I hope you know that's for the poem, not for me.

He laughed, leaning back in his chair. I found myself smiling too, and my shoulders finally relaxed.

During free period, a few girls from my dorm dragged me into a pickup basketball game on the courts behind the library. I missed my first two shots badly enough that one girl doubled over laughing, and I laughed too, surprising myself. I caught Xavier watching from the bleachers at one point, not saying anything, just watching, and I made myself look away before he could catch me noticing. On my way back to the dorm, I passed the same buildings I'd gotten lost around that morning. This time, I didn't stop to check my schedule.

Later, I found Freya, and we compared notes on how the practicals went. So, how was Adrian, I asked. She shrugged. He's fine. Just a regular guy, nothing special. I raised an eyebrow. I don't know, I said. I think I want someone interesting. She bumped my shoulder with hers. Interesting like Xavier Kane, she said, and I told her to shut up, though I didn't really mean it, and she knew I didn't mean it, and that was somehow worse.

At the end of the day, I realized I'd left my notebook behind and I went back for it. That's when I ran into Adrian again. How'd it go with Freya, I asked. “Manageable”, The corner of my mouth twitched. I quickly looked down at my notebook. Then his expression shifted, more serious.

“Don't believe everything Xavier says,” he told me again.

Why not, I asked. He opened his mouth, hesitated, and before he could get another word out, Xavier's voice called him from down the hall. Adrian held my gaze for a moment, then glanced toward Xavier's voice before walking away. I watched him disappear down the hallway, my question still hanging in my mind.