Chapter Two [The Letter]

Amelia stared intently at the screen as she hovered the mouse over the unopened email, unable to find the courage to click it. Her whole life had been building up to this moment. All her hopes and dreams hung in the contents of this very e-mail, and it was both exciting and terrifying. Her heart was racing, and she felt like she could hardly breathe. The room around her faded away, leaving only her, the screen, and her finger frozen on the trigger of the mouse.

Your Father is proud of you, I'm sure of it.

Her aunt's unsolicited words filled her head. She tried to ignore it, but at a moment like this, she could not help but get pulled back into the past. Her mother died soon after she was born, so she had no real memory of her. After giving birth, she suffered from preeclampsia brought on by her diabetes and eventually passed away when Amelia was only days old.

It had devastated her father. Amelia's memories of him were so faded now that she thought of them more like dreams rather than something that actually happened. The thing she remembered about him the most, however, was how he never wanted to look directly at her. She had tried desperately to get his attention when she was younger, but he was always quick to turn her away. Eventually, around age five, she had given up trying. And now, after all this time, she could not even recall the color of her father's eyes. 

Her father had his sister, Olivia, move in right after Amelia was born to help raise her, and she had done all she could to try to mend the bond between father and daughter, but it never worked. When Amelia was twelve years old, her father left in the middle of the night, never to be seen or heard from again.

"Whatcha looking at?" said a voice from behind her, two hands being placed on her shoulders, causing her to jump in surprise. "Oh! Sorry! I didn't mean to scare you!"

Calvin, her only friend at this school and, really, her only friend ever, went to sit beside her at the computer next to hers.

Amelia had never been good at making friends. In elementary school, she had been a social outcast because of her weight. Being an easy target for young kids to point at and call names because she was larger than almost everyone in her class. It did not help that rumors spread that she had a crush on the most popular boy in school, making her more of an easy target. Things only got worse in middle school. 

Right around the time her father had disappeared, Amelia suffered from a seizure in the middle of her biology class. She had collapsed on the ground and began convulsing, and it had freaked out everyone there. Later on, at the hospital, she discovered she had developed diabetes, just like her mother had. News spread through the school fast about her episode and her diagnosis, making her the center of everyone's teasing and hateful words about her weight and unhealthy lifestyle. It was a terrible time for her, but instead of letting it consume her, she pushed through and focused on her studies, becoming valedictorian at her high school graduation.

It was not until she met Calvin that her whole philosophy about “being alone is better and all human beings are trash” changed.

"Stanford University?! Is that what I think it is?" whispered Calvin excitedly, having rolled his chair closer to hers to peek over her shoulder.

"Yes," Amelia sighed, her hand feeling cramped from forcing her finger to hover over the left trigger. "I cannot open it..."

Her softly whispered confession was met with one of Calvin's encouraging smiles, which always put her at ease. When they had first met, she had immediately pinned him as one of those know-it-all nerds that, in her chosen major, were inevitable. However, it had not taken Amelia long to realize he was nothing like the other guys in their class. They all had similar reactions, which were a mix of misogynistic and fatphobic comments, especially after they realized she surpassed most of them in knowledge and skill. Calvin had been the only one to treat her as an equal and not downplay her achievements as dumb luck. Why men's egos were so fragile, she would never understand, but they really could not deal with the idea that a woman knew computer science just as well, if not better than they did.

Calvin gently pushed her out of the way, rolling his chair close to hers but having to reach over her in order to take over control of her mouse. He brought the cursor over the e-mail and paused, turning to look at her over his outstretched arm.

"Ready?"

Amelia stared into his hazel eyes through his thick-framed glasses. He was always so kind and cautious about her feelings. Usually, she would hate for someone to know just how sensitive she truly was. She had spent years hardening her exterior, believing it would protect her, and for the most part, it had. She was able to ignore all the nasty comments people had thrown her way through the years, but when it came to things that really mattered to her, it was not enough.

"Yes," she whispered, closing her eyes the instant she heard the clicking of the mouse.

There was silence for only a second, though it felt much longer than that. Her heart was pounding fiercely in her chest, and the rush of blood caused a slight ringing in her ears. She took a deep breath and slowly opened her eyes again, but Calvin had already begun to read out loud.

"Dear Ms. McLeary, I am delighted to inform you that the Committee on Admissions has accepted you..."

The relief that fell off her shoulders was almost too much. Her head started to spin as Calvin's voice faded away. He must have seen she was about to pass out and quickly grabbed her shoulder to steady her in her chair.

“Are you alright?" he asked, alarmed that she might faint.

Amelia was trying to calm herself by concentrating on her breathing, but she had enough awareness to at least nod and reassure him. His hand remained on her shoulder, which actually helped her anchor herself. After a few minutes, she began to feel much better and opened her eyes, glad to find the room was no longer spinning. Then she remembered that it was not over yet.

"Does it say anything about the scholarship program?" she asked, focusing on Calvin instead of the screen, too afraid to look.

The moment she asked, Calvin's lips curved into the sympathetic smile he would often give her when their professors would overlook her in class, and she instantly knew. He opened his mouth, but all the words that came out were just indistinguishable noises to her.

She had been over the numbers many times. She had just enough for her first year of tuition. She did not have any credit history, and no one with good credit to co-sign a loan for her, nor would she want to go that way. Loans would only lead to high-interest rates that would be impossible to pay back in her lifetime. Maybe she could take on some extra work? At Stanford, the school work would only be more demanding than it was now, and already it was a struggle for her to keep up. She worked nights at the gas station, sitting with her laptop and coding between customers until the early morning hours before she had to rush to her first class. She would sleep after class until late in the afternoon, when the house she lived in was quiet, then go to her other classes and start the cycle all over again. 

She had dreamed of one day focusing solely on her studies once she had a scholarship. She had a 4.0 GPA, and she had been working as a T.A. for the past two years she had been here. Yet, it seemed like that had not been enough for Stanford.

"Amelia? Are you listening to me?"

Amelia was thrown back into the present, Calvin coming into focus, and staring at her with such concern that it made her embarrassed to even be around him. Amelia had never been good at hiding her emotions when she was stressed. She probably looked like she was about to be sick because she sure felt like she was. She had to get out of here; she needed some air. She had some time before class started, so she could take a walk around campus and be back in time for her computer languages class.

"I'm sorry, Cal, I have to go," she said while standing up and grabbing her jacket from the back of her chair.

"Wait! Where are you going?" he asked, reaching out and taking hold of her arm.

She instantly flinched out of the way, and Calvin quickly dropped his hand, looking more concerned than he had just a moment ago. It was all too much for her. Without a word, she grabbed her bag, the strap held in place with safety pins, and raced out of the classroom, Calvin watching her go but making no attempt to follow.

She ran to the far east side of campus, near the office entrance, where there was a nice courtyard with a few benches and a large fountain at the center. In the afternoon on a warm day, you would find many students sitting around, studying and hanging out with friends. Now, however, it was still early in the morning of a chilly spring day, so the place was empty but peaceful. Amelia sat down on one of the benches, placing her bag beside her. It was filled to the brim with books and her laptop. It was amazing that the safety pins had not torn right off at this point. She really needed a new one before she went to Stanford.

She sighed, looking towards the fountain, and watched as the water flowed over the white marble blocks in the center until it all spilled into the square pool below. Just then, a tiny, familiar ping reached her ears, and she instinctively reached for her phone. Her blood sugar was going down, and the sensor she wore had sent a notification to her phone. She remembered she had not eaten anything yet this morning. She had been too focused on her final project for her coding class and forgot to grab something before heading to school.

She rummaged through her bag for her emergency stash, which she kept in a sparkly purple makeup bag that her aunt had given her the day after her diagnosis all those years ago. Unzipping it, she reached for a strawberry-and-cream-flavored lollipop, tearing off the wrapper and shoving it into her mouth before tossing the wrapper into the bag and zipping it closed. She tucked the sparkly purple bag away, which also held her emergency insulin pen that cost a fortune. She kept it well hidden so no one ever saw her using it, not wanting to hear people's comments or whispered snears. 

This damn disease was what had caused her to choose to do two years of community college before applying to her dream school. The medical bills were never-ending, and with the price of insulin constantly on the rise, her financial future would forever be at the mercy of the pharmaceutical industry. Her aunt did her best, but she herself suffered from medical issues as well, being diagnosed with Fibromyalgia only a few years ago.

The medical bills were piling up, and getting her aunt on full disability was still an ongoing battle. Amelia did all she could to keep up with payments, pay for school, and still save a little each time. Her savings account was not massive, but it would be enough to buy her some time. There was no way she was going to let money stop her from achieving her dreams. She would just have to find some good-paying part-time jobs and save up so she would have enough to pay for the second year. Maybe she would even apply for the scholarship again and use it for her undergraduate studies, but her dream was not just to attain a simple bachelor's degree. She wanted to go all the way and maybe one day even get her doctorate. She did not have small dreams of just working in the computer industry as a faceless nobody. No, she wanted to revolutionize it. She wanted to invent something that might even one day change the world.

She knew her dreams were lofty and bold, but that was just who she was. Overly ambitious and willing to do whatever it took to prove to the world she was worth something. 

She pulled out her phone again, about to open her banking app to check her savings account and go over the numbers again, when it started to buzz. She saw the name on the screen and instantly started worrying. Her aunt never called her unless it was important.

"Hello?"

"Amelia? I'm at the hospital, and everything is fine! Don't worry! But could you come and get me? They won't let me leave by myself..."