Acceptance

Buzz … I receive a message on my phone.  I wonder if it is going to be Derek who is checking up on me. After all, I left the restaurant crying and in shock.

I dive for the phone, hoping that he has sent a reasonable explanation for what I saw. One glance at the phone screen and I see that the message is indeed from him.

However, any hope that I had that he is going to explain himself dies a quick death the minute I scan the contents of the message. It reads,

"Denise is pregnant. She is about to give birth to an heir for me. Our child needs a family. Sign the divorce agreement by tomorrow." A new message from Derek's phone number.

If I had thought that nothing could hurt me anymore after the series of events that I have faced this day, I thought wrong. This new unwanted piece of information hits me like a ton of brick.

Bile rises in my throat and I rush straight into the bathroom just in time to throw up the contents of my stomach until there's nothing left in it, at which point I begin to dry heave.

Once the dry heaving stops, I stay there in the bathroom with my head resting against the toilet seat and moaning in pain as my head pounds in agony.

No wonder Derek hasn’t come home yet. He’s over at his pregnant ex’s house having sex while I'm here feeling hurt at his betrayal and alone.

Obviously, he does not feel any remorse for his disgusting actions earlier, and I am a big fool to even have hoped that there would be an explanation for him kissing his ex.

It is clear now that he and his family would never regard me as a human being worthy of respect. This is no way to live at all and I feel sudden hatred for him encompassing my entire being.

This hatred propels me out of bed and I silently pad downstairs and pick up the divorce papers from the table in the living room where I left them after Derek handed them to me earlier that night.

I take the papers back to my room and before I can lose my resolve, I sign them. There’s no point in forcing this marriage to continue any longer. I know that as well as I know my own name. 

Despite forcing myself to sleep, sleep eludes me and my eyes remain open until dawn. As early as possible, I go to Derek’s office with the divorce settlement.

I do not meet him in his office, which is just as well, because knowing what I do now, I don't know how I'll react when I see him. 

Instead, I hand over the signed divorce papers to his secretary, who looks shocked at my appearance. I’m certainly not looking my best, so I can't blame the man for his reaction.

“Um, madam. The boss asked me to give this to you when you come in.” The man tells me as I’m about to leave, handing me some official-looking documents.

“What is it?”I ask him, not taking the documents from him.

“It's a fifty-million-dollar property deal. It is to be your compensation for the, er, the divorce.” He stammers, looking very embarrassed.

“Tell your boss to keep his guilt compensation. I don’t need anything from him. He’ll surely get what he deserves … it’s only a matter of time.” I tell the man in a hollow and mechanical tone. 

I walked out of Derek’s company. Looking up at the sky, I breathe a long sigh of relief. I just ended my three-year marriage, a marriage for which I gave everything.

Now that the deed is done, I find that I’m not as hurt as I had thought I would be. That marriage was a disaster waiting to happen and it is time for new beginnings.

Maybe the hurt will come later when I am more settled ... I have no way of knowing right now.

In the past three years, I have never contacted my family to be with Derek. It's time to leave this shameful existence and get back to my old life.  

I dial a number on my phone, which has remained stuck in my head even after all these years.

“Come and pick me up, please,” I say into the phone and then head back to Derek’s house to pack up my stuff and wait for my ride to arrive.

I can't think of his house as home ever again. No, not after all that I endured there. It does not take me long to pack, because I take only my clothes, which I stuff into several suitcases.

Not long after that, I am on my way away from Derek’s house. Thus, I move out of his life without so much as a notice, marveling at how life can change in an instant. It’s been a long time coming.