The Woman Behind Kaizen

That night, sleep refused to come, I lay motionless on my bed, staring at the ceiling while moonlight spilled through the glass windows of the penthouse.

The room was silent….too silent.

Every time I closed my eyes, Auren's voice echoed inside my head,

"Mom is dying."

The words wouldn't leave me alone.

Neither would the look on Kaizen's face let me be. 

For the first time since meeting him, there had been no arrogance, No sarcasm, No smirk….Just fear.

Raw and terrifying fear, The kind people couldn't fake..

I rolled onto my side and buried my face into the pillow, But that only made things worse…

Because suddenly...I wasn't seeing Kaizen anymore. 

I was seeing my mother…

*****

The hospital room smelled exactly the same. 

Medicine, disinfectant, Hopelessness…

I was fifteen again, Sitting beside her bed watching machines beep around her.

Watching doctors enter and leave with expressions they thought I couldn't understand.

Watching her become smaller every day, Weaker every day, Further away every day.

"Mama?"

I remembered calling 

Her fingers had been cold when she squeezed mine, Painfully cold…

Yet she still smiled.

That smile ….that stupid beautiful smile.

The one she always used whenever she was trying to protect me from the truth.

"I'm fine, sunshine."

A lie, obviously the biggest lie she'd ever told.

Because she wasn't fine, Not even close to being fine. I knew it.

She knew it, The doctors knew too….

Yet nobody said it aloud.

Because saying it aloud would make it real, and the truth hurts so badly.

****

 Still on my bed thinking, My vision blurred.

I blinked.. Too late, A tear escaped, then another, more and I was crying as the memories flooded back. 

The nights I pretended to be asleep so she wouldn't hear me crying? 

The mornings I woke up terrified she wouldn't be breathing?

The days I skipped meals to save money for medication she never got the chance to use?

The helplessness?

God….The struggles? 

Nothing prepares you for watching your mother disappear slowly…nothing Fr! 

You could fight a person, You could fight poverty, You could fight the world…..

But illness? No. Illness doesn't care how much you beg…..How much you cry….How much you pray….It simply takes, and takes and takes ..until there's nothing left. 

I can relate to Kaizen's pain, because I've felt it.. my chest tightened painfully.

I pulled the blanket over my face, Trying to stop the tears but failed miserably because the truth was...

I still missed her….Every single day….I missed hearing her voice…Missed her hugs….Missed the way she used to braid my hair while humming songs she barely remembered. 

Sometimes I sing for her instead, she was my safest space. 

I missed being someone's daughter, a sob escaped before I could stop it.

The sound felt embarrassingly loud inside the empty room.

For a long time, I simply cried.

Not for myself, Not entirely… but For Kaizen, For Auren, For their mother…

Because I knew exactly what they were feeling.

And I wouldn't wish that pain on anyone, Not even Kaizen Arclair.

****

The next morning arrived far too quickly.

I barely slept, My eyes felt swollen….

My head hurt…

My heart hurts even more.

I was halfway through making coffee when Auren practically bounced into the kitchen.

"Good morning, scholarship girl."

I groaned.

"Can you stop calling me that?"

"No."

He grinned.

"Good. Just checking."

I rolled my eyes.

Somehow, his energy should've been illegal before nine in the morning.

The boy was practically sunshine in human form.

"Did you sleep?"

he asked.

"No."

"Same."

For the first time, his smile faded slightly, I immediately knew why.

His mother.

The reminder hung heavily between us.

Neither of us spoke for a moment.

Then suddenly, Auren snapped his fingers.

"Oh!"

I looked up.

"You should come with us."

I blinked.

"Come where?"

"To see Mom."

The coffee nearly slipped from my hands.

"What?"

Auren nodded enthusiastically.

"She'd love you."

My eyes widened.

"No."

"Why not?"

"Auren."

I pointed at myself.

"We've known each other for like five minutes."

"So?"

"So that's weird."

"It isn't."

"It is."

"It isn't."

"It is."

"It really isn't."

"Auren."

"It really isn't."

"You are exhausting."

"I get that from my mother."

The smile that followed was genuine, warm and heartbreaking, because I could tell how much he loved her.

And suddenly...I felt interested in meeting the woman who raised him.

***

"Absolutely not."

A deep voice came from behind us, We both turned.

Kaizen stood at the kitchen entrance.

His expression immediately told me he had heard everything.

Great, Just great.

Auren groaned.

"Here we go."

Kaizen ignored him.

His eyes landed on me, then shifted back to his brother.

"No."

Auren folded his arms pouting his lips. 

"Why?"

"Because….."

"That's not an answer."

"It's the only answer you're getting."

I watched the argument quietly.

Something felt different, Kaizen's voice wasn't harsh Or cold.

It was almost...protective.

Which made absolutely no sense, Auren wasn't intimidated, Clearly this wasn't their first disagreement.

"Mom likes visitors."

"No."

"Mom likes Nyra."

"No."

"Mom literally asked about her."

That made Kaizen freeze…onnly briefly, but I noticed.

Interesting….Very interesting.

I raised an eyebrow 

"Your mother asked about me?"

Kaizen looked away immediately.

"That's not important."

"Oh, it definitely is."

"It isn't."

"It is."

Auren burst into laughter.

"You sound exactly alike."

Both of us glared at him, simultaneously.

Which only made him laugh harder…

Eventually Kaizen pinched the bridge of his nose.

A sign he was losing patience,

"Nyra doesn't need to get involved."

The words came out quieter this time.

More serious and almost careful.

For some reason, that annoyed me.

"Get involved in what?"

Silence.

His jaw tightened, exactly….he couldn't answer, because he didn't know how, or maybe he didn't want to. 

Either way, I was tired of being treated like fragile glass.

"I can decide that myself."

His gray eyes met mine, a battle neither of us intended to start.

"You don't understand."

"I understand enough."

"No."

His voice lowered.

"You don't."

Something flickered across his face gone before I could identify it….that fear. 

Maybe.

Concern, Definitely…

Whatever it was...it didn't belong to the Kaizen I knew, the arrogant campus king would've made a joke.

This version simply looked troubled and strangely...that bothered me.

Because it felt genuine.

Auren stood up dramatically.

"Okay."

Both of us looked at him.

He pointed toward the door.

"We're leaving in fifteen minutes."

"Auren."

"We're leaving."

"Auren."

"We're absolutely leaving."

Kaizen sighed heavily.

The kind of sigh only older brothers understood.

Defeat, Complete defe

at. Lolsssss….

I couldn't help smiling.

For once… the great Kaizen Arclair had lost an argument and somehow that made my morning a little better, Much to his annoyance. 

Though neither of us realized it yet…the visit to see Sylvara Arclair his mom was about to change everything.

I'm pretty much excited to meet her for the first time.