Chapter 4: For my dying Daughter Seek

The cab ride home was a blur of streetlights and unshed tears. I stared out the car window, watching the city pass by in a smear of colors and shapes, a world that continued to turn even though mine had just stopped spinning. When we pulled up in front of our house, I paid the driver without meeting his eyes in the rearview mirror, my hands shaking so badly that I nearly dropped the money.

The house was so dark and silent when I let myself in, a tomb that held nothing but memories of a life that was no longer mine. I moved through the rooms like a ghost, my bare feet silent on the cold floors, until I reached our bedroom. The bed was still unmade from this morning where he had slept, the indentation on Marcus's side of the mattress was a cruel reminder of his absence.

I collapsed onto the bed, as I buried my face in his pillow, inhaling the faint scent of his cologne which hit so differently that when it hit me, the scent didn't belong to him. And then I began to cry, not the silent tears I had shed in the hotel corridor, but great, wracking sobs that tore from my throat with such violence that it made my entire body shake. I cried for the years I had wasted loving a man who had never truly been mine, for the daughter who was fighting for her life while her father was betraying her mother, for the future that had just dissolved into nothing more than a collection of broken promises and shattered dreams.

So Sophia and Marcus are having an affair and I never knew about it. I said to myself.

How could I even know when he had clearly stated that he was just helping his friend to keep a close watch on her and her daughter since he was not around? But I guess that was all a lie that he had made.

I had never imagined this. Never imagined that his "attention" would include fucking her in an expensive hotel room while our daughter was lying dying here.

I cried until there were no more tears left to shed, until my eyes were so swollen and sore that even blinking was painful. The red silk gown was twisted around my body, damp with sweat and tears, a symbol of the foolish hope that had brought me to that hotel tonight.

Finally, the sun had begun to settle. It was getting dark already. I forced myself to get up. I couldn't let Lily see me like this, couldn't let her know that her mother had just witnessed the final, irrevocable destruction of their family. For her sake, I had to pretend that everything was okay, that her father was simply busy with work, that our world hadn't just imploded.

I stumbled into the bathroom, turning on the cold water and splashing it on my face until my skin felt numb. I looked at my reflection in the mirror, with red eyes, blotchy skin, and a mouth twisted into a permanent grimace of pain. This wasn't the mother Lily deserved. This wasn't the woman who had once been a brilliant researcher on the verge of a medical breakthrough.

With hands that still shook, I removed the red silk gown, letting it pool at my feet like a pool of blood. I stepped out of it and kicked it aside, watching as it settled into a heap on the bathroom floor. Tomorrow, I will burn it. But tonight, I had to focus on what was important, on the daughter who needed me to be strong, even when I felt like I was shattering into a million pieces.

I dressed quickly in jeans and a comfortable sweater, my mind already calculating how much time I had before Lily woke up, how long it would take to make her favorite dinner, how I would explain her father's continued absence without revealing the devastating truth. I had to keep up appearances and had to maintain the fragile peace that would ensure Marcus followed through on his promise to arrange the money for her surgery.

As I walked out of the bathroom, my eyes fell on the red silk gown lying in a heap on the floor. I just hate it now, and I can't even tell what the reason was.

I picked up the gown, folding it carefully and hiding it in the back of the closet, another secret to add to the collection that was slowly destroying me from the inside out.

When I walked into Lily's room, she was already awake, sitting up in bed with her stuffed rabbit clutched in her arms. She looked at me with wide, hopeful eyes, and my heart ached with the weight of what I was about to do.

"Did you get it, Mom?" she asked, her voice soft with anticipation. "Did you get my chocolate?"

I forced a smile, hoping it didn't look as false as it felt. "Of course I did, sweetie," I lied, reaching into my empty purse as if I were searching for the promised treat. "But I think I must have dropped it on the way home. I'll have to go back later to get another one."

Lily's face fell, but only for a moment. "That's okay, Mom," she said, her generosity breaking my heart all over again. "As long as you're here, that's all that matters."

I climbed onto the bed beside her, pulling her into my arms and holding her close. She felt so fragile, so breakable, like a bird with a wounded wing. And I knew, with a certainty that settled deep in my bones, that I would do whatever it took to save her, even if it meant sacrificing the last remnants of my own dignity in the process.

"Is Dad coming home today?" she asked, her voice muffled against my shoulder.

I closed my eyes, picturing Marcus's face as he was fucking the hell out of Sophia. "He's very busy with work, sweetheart," I said, the words tasting like poison. "But he promised he would try to come see you later."

Lily nodded, accepting this explanation without question, because she was six years old and still believed that her parents were heroes who would always protect her, who would always do what was best for her. She didn't know that her father was choosing another child over her, that he was funding another life while hers hung in the balance. She didn't know that her mother had just returned from a hotel where she had watched her husband betray them both in the most intimate way possible.

As I held my daughter, I made a silent promise to myself and to her. I would endure this humiliation. I would swallow my pride. I would pretend that everything was okay, that our family was still intact, that Marcus was simply a devoted father who was working hard to provide for his family. I would do whatever it took to ensure that he arranged the money for her surgery, that he followed through on his promise to save her life.

And when she was well, when she was healthy and strong and no longer in danger, then I would walk away. And would take my daughter away with me since he never values us in the first place.

But for now, I had to play the part. I had to be the loving wife, the devoted mother, the woman who would sacrifice her own happiness for the sake of her child's survival. It was a role I had been rehearsing for months, but tonight, after what I had witnessed, it felt like a performance that would break me.

"Let's get you ready for the night so you can have your dinner before bedtime," I said, my voice artificially bright as I slid off the bed.