Chapter 63

Zayden

My hands tightened on the steering wheel as I drove along the streets, heading for the location on my GPS.

Sweat droplets coated my skin, my breathing was erratic. My mind was in a state of extreme turmoil.

What the fuck is she doing here!

I saw Sage at the airport, I had no idea how she knew I was going to France. What I knew was that it was her I saw.

She was hell-bent on making my life miserable and destroying my marriage.

I can't lose Lillian, I can't lose her. Not after we've gone several steps in our relationship.

Not after I was finally getting that happiness I so much wanted.

She didn't say the words back when I told her how I felt but I saw it in her eyes. She was willing to give us a try.

I ran my hand through my hair roughly, the text message Sage sent me kept replaying in my head over and over again.

"Fuck!" I banged my knuckles on the wheel roughly, making the car swerve.

I should tell Lillian. If I don't, Sage will and then I'd be doomed. I am willing to but that crippling fear of losing her was holding me back.

I have to tell her today as soon as I get back, I have to.

It was the only way.

If only I had refused wilder or, better still, abstained from drinking that night, I wouldn't be in this situation.

Pulling over at the tiny garage of the cabin, I got out of the car with the speed of lightning.

I banged on the door impatiently, seconds later, the door flew open. Sage appeared, with a disgusting smile on her face.

" You came!" She beamed.

The devil in me, the dark side of me, wanted to lock the doors and windows, take her to the bathroom in the pretence that I cared and then drown her in the bathtub.

That's how desperate I was, plus she brought it upon herself the moment she drugged me.

Do it!

Do it!

Do it, or Lillian will leave you if she finds out.

That voice, barely an icy whisper kept echoing deep within my being. I clenched my fist, it would all happen smoothly. No one would hear her scream, her voice would die down in the water.

But Lillian, I cursed. She wouldn't want me to do it. I'm trying to be a better person for her, killing sage would only make it worse and take me back to square one.

" I know what's going through your head, it won't work. There are cameras in the house." Sage shrugged.

Of course, she's known me for some time and my many tendencies.

" Come in!" She opened the door wide, gesturing for me to come in.

" Where are the test results?" I gnarled, still standing at the door.

She sighed rolling her eyes." There are no test results, Zay. I'm pregnant and we both know you're responsible!"

My fingers wrapped around her neck the next second, lifting her from the ground. I shut the door with my free hand and dragged her inside.

" If you think I'm stupid enough to believe that baby is mine, then you are wrong. I want a DNA test done!" I snarled.

She gagged, clawing at my fingers and tearing open my skin with her long nails.

"Fine....fine!" She coughed, snort trailing down her nose as I let go of her, and then she collapsed on the ground.

" This is not how you treat the woman carrying your child!" She barked.

I chuckled." That thing you're carrying is not mine till you prove it."

" You want a DNA test then fine! Tomorrow at 9 am I'll get you the test results." She spat, getting back on her feet.

I scoffed." I'm not stupid Sage. I'll take you to the hospital myself and watch till the whole process is done. You might fabricate the result because of your stupid obsession !"

" Obsession?" She yelled, taking a step towards me." Have you forgotten how we were once so in love with each other? How you could not go a day without me? You were the obsessed one!"

I ran a hand through my hair in frustration." We were fucking teenagers! Sage. And you, of all people, knew the reason why!"

She shook her head." Oh, you were just a boy who hadn't set his eyes on a girl for so long, and then, at first sight, your hormones kicked in?"

I gritted my teeth, maybe I should drown her and then I won't have to listen to her stupid rants.

" What were you expecting?" I raised a brow.

The first tear slid down her cheeks and it disgusted me. I've seen enough of her tears to differentiate which was real and which wasn't.

" All I want is for us to go back to the way we were. Is that too much to ask? I want you to love me like you used to." She closed the distance between us, placing her hands on my chest.

I shifted, tossing her hands away from me roughly." I never loved you! The only woman I love is Lilian. Move on! Sage. The thing we had was pure lust, nothing more. It's over!"

She smiled bitterly." Lillian? Really, that orphan good-for-nothing girl?"

My eyes flared." Speak ill of her again and you'll lose your ability to speak!"

"You already lost her. I'm pregnant for you and I'm keeping the child whether you like it or not. I can't hide this pregnancy forever and the moment she finds out, your pretty little contract marriage will turn to ash." She growled.

I clenched my fists, my blood thrumming Loudly in my eyes. The weight of the situation was crashing on me." That's if you're not carrying some other bastard baby. You're a whore, I won't be surprised."

She laughed, her eyes crinkling at the gesture."Deny it all you want, Zayden but just so you know, the only reason Lillian hasn't left you yet is because I haven't shown her our sex tape and once she finds out that I am carrying your child?" She trailed her hand again on my chest." Trust me, that red-haired girl is going to disappear from your life like smoke."

I gritted my teeth, panic burning low in my stomach. As much as I hate to admit, I'm at the losing end here and I had only two options.

Tell Lillian the truth, make her understand that it wasn't entirely my fault and hope that she doesn't divorce me on the spot or I could take the risk and murder Sage.

I blinked, trying to get those dark thoughts out of my head. Lillian would hate me more even if I managed to hide everything. I wouldn't be able to face my wife with a clean conscience even if I could avoid a jail sentence.

She has hope for me, hope that I'll become a better person even when I'm trapped in a cycle of self-doubt, where my undone actions linger. I can't let her down. I'll stick with my first option, even if it breaks the both of us.

" I don't have time for this; we are getting a DNA test right now!" I told her calmly.

She shook her head." We will get it done tomorrow, and you're spending the night here; I need a massage!"

I almost laughed. Did she think she could control me just because she was carrying a child? I'm not even sure it was mine.

" Sage, don't test my patients! We're getting that test today."

She folded her hands across her chest." No, we are doing it tomorrow. I just had a 7-hour flight; it's not good for the baby."

I glared at her, clenching my fists.

"Or would you rather I sent those videos to Lillian right now?" A sly smile spread over her thin lips.

I tensed." Fine, tomorrow at 9 sharp. I'll be here."

I'll tell Lillian tonight, I can't afford Sage telling her first. She should hear it from me.

" You're not going anywhere, I just said I need a massage!" She squealed.

" I have to be with my wife, get a masseuse!" Without waiting for her reply, I stalked out of the house.

I drove out of the cabin and drove for a few minutes before parking along the road. Resting my head on the headrest I released a deep sigh.

I was tired, I was so tired. Mentally, physically and emotionally.

It was pending, I could feel it. There's no way out of this one; she was never mine in the first place, and I'll lose her. I lost her the day I got drugged.

It was just like they said, I'll never find that life I wanted. The moment I get it, it'll slip away from my grasp maybe because I didn't hold it right or simply because I can't.

I don't like this feeling of helplessness.

I don't understand why I can't just have a simple life.

I've been on a thin line since day one. Since I lost my mother every single day has been a battle. I've been fighting a war with myself and the people around me. I feel like I've been trapped and then she came.

It felt like hope like I could finally breathe. Like I can finally have a life, maybe find someone to love me like I desperately crave.

I took a deep breath, pinching the space between my brows. I don't deserve her, I'm not good enough. She deserves far better, but I want her anyway.

I want to be selfish and keep her by my side even though I don't deserve it.

I just want to go somewhere devoid of humans where we can live out our lives happily till we grow old. But I guess that somewhere can only be found in heaven, and heaven is for angels.

She's an angel.

I'm the Devil.