Chapter 6: Reality

Chapter 6: Reality

Mink’s P.O.V

No. NO!

This cannot be happening and especially not now…not here!

Ruksaar chatted on beside me without a care in the world as we both walked briskly back to our hotel. She was blissfully unaware of the torment that was going through my mind as I balled my hands into fists, my claws slicing out to pierce the delicate skin of my palm. The wounds would heal even before they were formed and I wished with all my power that my mind could work the same way.

But his image was now imprinted in my mind and it’ll stay right there until the day I die.

Mate.

The bloody word tasted like poison in my mouth and I tried to suppress the shudder that raked through me, but to no avail. Wide almond shaped eyes the color of topaz, with more gold than brown; they were eyes of a cat. His hair had been a dark shade of brown that appeared almost black. I could picture it in the sun, however, with a brown tint to it. It would be soft to the touch-

I reined back my thoughts with violent self-control. I hadn’t needed a mate for over a hundred years and I certainly didn’t need one now.

All shifters have several potential mates that they meet at varying stages in their lives. We don’t usually find two potential mates at the same time and even if we do, the first person we lay our eyes on will be the one we recognize as our mates, hence nullifying the effect of our second potential mate. Different shifters also have different lifespan. So if a mate dies, the partner will still be able to find another mate for however long they remain alive.

Shifters are usually paired with other shifters, but having a human as a mate isn’t unheard of. And my mate seemed to be just that. Human.

“Jiji! Have you heard a word of what I just said?”

Ruksaar’s irritated voice snapped me out of my trance and I realized that we’d already reached our hotel and were now nearing our room. Dear God! How could I be so preoccupied with some man that I’d completely lost track of my surroundings?

Thankfully, Gujarat no longer hosted any predatory shifter packs, just some non-predatory ones like a herd or two of camels and a few deer packs further down towards the border Gujarat shared with Maharashtra. It meant I could get my guard down once in a while but not to the point where I lose sight of reality.

“Sorry,” I apologized to a grumpy Ruksaar. “What were you saying?”

“I was saying,” she gave me a pointed look before continuing, “that we should just go back to Jharna.”

“No.” The answer was immediate and it was out before I could stop it.

“But what’s there to see, anyway?” Ruksaar argued. “Mouri no longer exists and this place had been rebuilt from scratch. I don’t think you’ll even be able to find ghosts if you stood in the middle of the desert in the dead of night!”

We entered the room and locked the door behind us, before taking off our traditional clothing and changing into sweatpants and t-shirts. Ruksaar turned the air conditioner on full blast and fanned her face with her hands. “And besides,” she gave it one last shot. “It’s hot as hell in here!”

I shook my head at her antics before lying down on the bed beside her. “You were a newborn when I left Gujarat with you; you hardly knew anything of what happened here or how I’d spent the first fourteen years of my life. There might not be ghosts in the desert, Ruksaar but there are several of them inside me that I need to put to rest.”

“Then what about Jharna? What about the house that you’re building brick by brick with your own blood and sweat?” Ruksaar asked. “We aren’t desert wolves, Jiji! I can’t stand the heat for that long. One week is too long a time to be spending in this god forsaken village in the middle of nowhere.”

“Actually Ruksaar, we are desert wolves.” I corrected. “But we’ve been living in the mountains for the past twelve years and we have adapted to the climate. It doesn’t change who we are.”

“But I want to go back home,” Ruksaar said at last, her voice quiet and soft. “Shiwalik with all its snow and bone chattering cold has become home for me than any place could ever have been. And now that our house is almost complete, it feels so much like home that I hate staying away from it.”

“I can understand, Ruksaar. Just bear with me for a week?”

Yes, I could understand what she meant. When we’d moved to Shiwalik in the middle Himalayan mountain range, the place had instantly drawn me in. I’d felt at peace with my wolf, with my demons for the first time in over a century. That’s why I’d started to built a house there, a large one. There were over thirty rooms with ten more under construction. Building that house had meant spending about half of what I’d made my entire life, but damn it, it was worth it.

The house was big enough to be a pack house with its numerous rooms and humongous size. It wasn’t being built skyward but downwards, into the ground, not too far down though, since wolves liked to see the world outside their windows even if all they saw was white. The roofs were sloping so that the snow could fall easily on them and stay there for days. It was a house that I’d one day leave to Ruksaar and her pups…mine too if I ever decided to have any. Some day that house will be filled with people and little pups running around freely…some day.

It wasn’t long before the reality of my thoughts hit me like a slap across the cheek.

Pups?

Was I really just thinking about having pups? I was in no way ready to be a mother and neither did I want a mate! It’s funny how my thoughts have started to change as soon as I had seen his face. I didn’t know the man; he could have a family of his own for God’s sake! How could I even begin to imagine a future with him, let alone have children with him, when I didn’t even know his name?

The Moon Goddess was playing a cruel joke on me. That had to be it.

I would never be rid of my sins, for taking all those innocent lives when I’d burned down my entire village. There had been about two hundred people in that village then; including women and children…and I’d taken everyone’s lives. How could I even begin to think about having children after the blood that had stained my hands?

I turned my head toward Ruksaar to find her dozing off peacefully beside me; her hands were on top of her stomach and her black hair was scattered across the pillows like a halo around her. Ruksaar was only fourteen years younger than me and she was the closest thing I’ve ever had to a family. To think that I almost didn’t go back for her…

I turned my head away and rubbed at my eyes with my fingers. Being back here had been hell for me. That fateful day kept playing on repeat over and over in my head, making me restless and anxious.

Why wasn’t I at peace with my past? Why couldn’t I just move on and be rid of all these memories?

My mate’s face came to mind at that instant and I almost laughed at the irony. The same land where I had taken away hundreds of lives, ended several aspirations and dreams, was now giving me a reason to live on.

I’ve lived for over a century, been to thousands of different places, seen a thousand different faces…and yet, it just had to be here that I find my mate, just when I thought I no longer needed one and I’d spend the rest of my life paying for my crimes.

Yeah… the Moon Goddess was indeed playing a cruel game with me.