The Road that Lead to it

Bellezza

Ezza

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When I woke up, the sun had already set. And the only source of light inside the apartment was coming from the moon itself. It took me quite a few seconds for a thought to shake me to my core — and then suddenly, it hit me.

"Shit! How long did I sleep for?"

I scuffled up from the floor, losing my balance from jerking my bones and muscles up all of a sudden. I stabilized myself, as the soreness from the carpeted floor hit my consciousness— my back and neck were aching numb from laying down and falling asleep the wrong way.

When I had finally gained some lead with my own body, I rushed towards the light switch as I tied my hair in a bun, some of my hair strands were escaping it.

I have totally forgotten about my exams— I still have to study. I know that I would not have enough time to actually go through everything, but a small portion of ideas and reviews was still better than nothing at all. However, I still wished that I hadn't fallen asleep for nearly 8 hours!

Directing myself towards the kitchen, I made myself some food to munch on. I don't have much to choose from since I was running short in supplies and all

So all I made out of anything were 2 pieces of bread with chicken mayonnaise and some leftover bacon from earlier this morning.

"I'm supposed to eat you for breakfast–" I pointed to the sandwich, as I clicked my tongue, "but a change of plans."

I dragged myself to the only chair I have, gripping the sandwich and the notebook tight, which made me lose balance a little as I began studying the rest of my reviewer.

The sandwich wouldn't make me full, but it's the only thing I have at the moment so I don't really have much of a choice. In addition to that, I will just have to go to school on an empty stomach tomorrow— I have to because again… well… I don't have a choice.

"Hell! If I could afford it, I'd even buy one hell of groceries."

I thought about how nice it would be to have everything— to not worry about paying your bills, to ensure that there's a roof over your head, to not have the need to study so hard because you can just provide it for yourself— how nice would it be…

When I realized, I quickly drifted from those thoughts and focused more on my present. I best not dwell on the things I would never have, and just focus on the things that I can control— which in all honesty, was nothing. Nevertheless, I have to, somehow, understand everything before I go off to war tomorrow.

It was History, the last exam, — Social and Political History to be exact. It interests me, but not to the point where I enjoy learning it. Sure, it lets me understand the world better, but to be honest, the world hasn't been the kindest to me ever since.

Still, I just need to pass this exam tomorrow and then after that, I'll be done with college. No more sleepless nights and long caffeine hours. I'd finally be free from one of my many responsibilities.

The thoughts of sleepless nights brought back memories from earlier, "Did a voice really talk to me? Or was it caused by too much stress? I mean, it couldn't have been talking to me, right?"

Whatever the answer to that may be, I do not want to know. The voice was chilly, and the event was creepy. But I can't deny the fact that the presence of it was a bit flattering and calming.

———

The next morning, I woke up with the sunlight seeping through the only window I have. I didn't get much sleep last night since I slept throughout the day. It wasn't a big deal now since I didn't feel too tired to take another hour of sleep. So instead, I just got up, made myself a cup of black and plain coffee, and went through my notes for once.

It wasn't too bright yet, but it wasn't as dark as well. This was my usual get-up, but I felt different. I cannot bother to tell whether it was a good or a bad kind of difference. Maybe it was the nerve for taking the exam that would define all the hard work and sacrifices I have made almost my entire life.

I don't have much time to dwell on my thoughts, because I would rather not be late to attend all of my agendas for today.

"7:23 a.m." the clock read.

I have planned to walk the long road to school today, not that long, but still an hour and thirty minutes long. It could be a chance for me to see any hiring store. If not, I can try again on the other side of town.

In my mind, I heard the voice echoing:

'Everything will be okay soon, Belle.'

Should I be worried about how often that crosses my mind? It was pretty disturbing. Although, the creeps it gave me weren't that shivering anymore. I'm kind of growing on it.

"I can't have any distraction today," I muttered to myself, "so please, just don't think about 'that'."

And to my stressed mind, I didn't know it yet, but I somehow manifested that to happen.

Not daring to waste any time with my thoughts, I picked up everything I needed— shoulder bag, work application folder, and water— before walking to the door. I slipped on my black flat mules, pairing them with a flowery shin-length skirt and long-sleeved turtle neck— all of which were given to me by charity.

When I finally got out of my apartment, I saw that the eviction notice was still there. It had not quite improved my stressing mood. And deep inside me, I was hoping that it was just a dream, that everything that happened yesterday was just a dream— but it wasn't.

It wasn't a dream, but I would very much love for it to be one.

I ripped the paper off the door and tucked it in between the folder's papers. Maybe this is a good sign— maybe, everything that has ever happened to me would lead me somewhere where I can be truly free and happy, somewhere I belonged to and someplace I could call my home.

It was most unlikely to happen in my case, but I kept a hopeful heart because unbeknownst to me, I had slowly lead the road of that dream I have.

And then, I got going with my morning and started my haunting. "I'll stress about this later," was what I said, but I know myself better than anyone.

The walk to the university took about an hour and 37 minutes of my time. And throughout that walk, not once did I see any store that I can work in. I mean, I have but every single one needs experience— "a proper work experience" as they say.

And whenever I would try to show them my résumé, their eyes would bulge and they would look at wide, big, and terrified eyes, as if I would hurt them. Their response could be summed up in a little one phrase: they couldn't accept me, because of my work history.

Perhaps, 7 fired jobs in a span of 3 months was really "that" bad.