Chapter 4 - Awkward Breakfast.

Isabella's P.O.V.

I think a lot of people highly underestimate the strength and power behind fight or flight and our responses to it and they don't realise just how strong it is until they're deep in the thick of it, not to mention, they're also stumped by how confusing and conflicting these feelings can be as well.

After I had left the party last night and I'd arrived back home at the DiMarco estate, I immediately headed up to my bedroom and tried to get some sleep but unfortunately, sleep wouldn't come to me, so I ended up laying awake in bed until the wee hours of the morning just thinking about everything that had happened last night.

I thought about the conversation that I'd overheard between my brothers and Santiago, as well as how I felt about it and what I wanted to do about the situation but I didn't have an answer for that just yet.

Even this morning when I was getting ready for school, I still didn't know what I was going to do or what I should do about this because I felt so numb and totally disassociated with everything which feels really alien to me and a huge part of me doesn't like it because I've always been very open and expressive with my emotions but right now, I don't feel anything except for anger and bitterness.

Weirdly, I didn't mind feeling this numb because not feeling anything has given me the chance to really think long and hard about all of this without letting my feelings for this bastard get in the way of it.

I wish I could say that any love and affection that I felt for him had immediately disappeared and died the moment I heard his vile and evil words about me but unfortunately, that's not possible because feelings like mine don't just go away overnight.

Things like this take time because I've been in love with Santiago ever since I can remember, so I know that it'll take me a while to get over these feelings so that I can truly move on with my life, not to mention that he's the literal man of my dreams and has been ever since puberty smacked me in the tits which isn't that surprising really considering the man is H.O.T. in every single way possible.

If you want a visual of what this walking wet dream looks like, so that you can know just how hot Santiago really is, well, then just imagine Ryan Guzman who has got a huge, rock hard body with eight pack abs, that's how ripped and sculpted he is, he's got tattoos for days and that beautiful warm, naturally tan skin tone which he inherited from his mixed Mexican and Italian heritage.

He's also got a Johnny Depp style beard and thick, black hair which he usually styles in a sleek combover and he ALWAYS has that one loose piece hanging in the front as well which only adds to his bad boy image along with his strong, dominant alpha male aura.

If you visualise all of this then you've got the perfect image of the future Kings Of Anarchy Don and Godfather, Santiago freaking Reyes.

What makes all of this worse with Santiago is that he's a total sweetheart, believe it or not.

Ever since we were kids, Santiago has been super nice and sweet to me and he's always treated me with so much kindness and respect which I always thought he did because he wanted to but now, I think that he was only nice to me because of our famiglias.

There's also the fact that he's always gone out of his way to help me and be there for me if I need him and he would always look out for me and was insanely overprotective of me, especially with guys but once again, I don't think he did this because he wanted to, I think he did them because of his duty and oath to the mafia to always protect and serve the queens and principessas.

Santiago has also given me a couple of nicknames including mami and Bella, the latter of which has got two different meanings to it because not only is it a shortened version of my name but it also means beautiful in Italian as well which used to make me swoon and feel like I'm every inch of the word but now, it just makes me feel sick.

It also used to make me feel really special when he'd call me these names because Santiago has never given nicknames out to women, not to mention, he was also insanely possessive of the nickname Bella and has even gatekeeped it if you will because he sees it as HIS name for me and he won't let anyone else call me it and if they do, then he gets really angry with them over it.

He's even got into numerous arguments with both of our famiglias and also our friends over this and has demanded that they stop calling me it, that's how possessive he is of this nickname but unbeknownst to him, they still call me it in secret, well, except for my cousin who doesn't give a fuck and will happily call me Bella in front of him.

Stupidly, I thought all of this actually meant something and it made my hope grow even stronger because I thought that one day he might see me as more than just Vito and Alexander's younger sister and that maybe he'd like me the same way that I like him.

I also hoped that maybe, just freaking maybe that he'd also reciprocate my feelings and love me the way that I love him but unfortunately, this isn't the case and last night proved this because in my opinion, no man would ever react the way that Santiago claims that he did upon hearing the news of our alleged engagement unless he was deeply disturbed and upset at the thought of us getting married.

This is what makes his words from last night an even harder pill for me to swallow because why would he treat me like I'm his precious principessa and give me so much hope that one day we could possibly be together just to snatch it away from me like that with his cruel words?.

It doesn't make any sense.

"Here's sleeping beauty now"

"Morning, principessa"

Vito and Alexander said sounding cheerful and happy as I walked into the kitchen.

I could tell that they were waiting for me to act like the excited little puppy that I always am with them whenever they give me some attention but instead, I just answered them in a nonchalant and stoic tone as I avoided eye contact with them.

Sorry boys, no ego boost today.

"Good morning everyone, morning nonno"

I said whilst kissing my nonno's cheek as he smiled at me.

"Good morning, mia principessa"

He said as I leaned in to grab a piece of toast from one of the plates and I could feel several pairs of eyes on me as I did.

"What the hell are you wearing, Isabella?"

My twin brother Xavier asked me sounding annoyed as he looked me up and down with disgust.

"They're called clothes, Xavier"

I said in a duh tone whilst chuckling.

"Why? what do you call them?"

"Cheap, that's what I'd call them, Izzy"

Xavier said shocking me.

"Why do you always look like you've just walked out of a goddamn thrift store?"

Xavier asked me and I looked down at my outfit which isn't even that bad and it's certainly not cheap but I guess it is according to these rich, pompous assholes.

I'm wearing an oversized black and purple prince t-shirt for his song Purple Rain and when I say it's oversized, I mean that it's literally a size or two bigger than my actual size because like with a lot of women, I like my t-shirts bigger and I've paired with a pair of denim Daisy Duke style shorts and my black Chuck Taylors.

How the hell is this cheap?.

"Knock it off, Xavier, your sister looks beautiful"

"Thank you, nonno"

I said as I once again kissed his cheek before sitting down in my seat next to him.

"I didn't say she doesn't look beautiful, nonno, I just said that her outfit looks cheap and boyish, that's all"

Oh my god.

"My outfit isn't cheap, Xavier, so stop saying that it is and even if it was, so freaking what?"

I growled at him.

"Besides...it wouldn't be the first time a member of this family bought something cheap into this house on a permanent basis, would it?"

I said with a bright smile as I looked over at my father who almost choked on his coffee as my step-mother looked at me shocked.

"And boyish, Xave? really?"

I ask as I looked back at him.

"Yes really, Izzy"

He says sounding annoyed.

"Why can't you dress more like a girl? or at least dress like the rich girl you are with some taste?"

"Rich people don't have taste, Xavier"

I said nonchalantly as my nonno chuckled.

"And what the fuck kind of clothes do you want me to wear, huh? do you want me to wear short skirts and tight tops like all of the little putas you all hang out with?"

I ask shocking all three of my brothers and my nonno while my father glared at me.

"Language Isabella, you're supposed to be a lady, for crying out loud"

My dad growled at me.

"Whatever"

I groaned whilst rolling my eyes.

It's so goddamn exhausting having to hear all the time that I have to walk, talk, dress and act like a lady.

I mean, I get it, I really do because the Kings Of Anarchy mafia, the DiMarco famiglia and also the Reyes familia have got a reputation to uphold and protect but at the same time, I don't have to dress, talk and act like a 1950's housewife to keep our reputation intact.

There's also the fact that they're preaching this bullshit to the wrong choir because there are so many girls in the Kings of Anarchy mafia who wear very little clothing on a daily basis that they would be arrested and charged with indecent exposure if they weren't affiliated with our mafia.

Not to mention, they've also got disgusting mouths and curse so much that they'd have the cast of Jersey Shore clutching their pearls at how unclassy and ladylike these girls are.

"If you want, Isabella, I can take you shopping, I know most of the sales associates at all of the designer stores and we can help you get a whole new wardrobe"

I'm sure you do, Lilah.

"I'll pass, thanks"

I said with a sneer before digging into my food while everyone around the table looked at both me and each other with confused what the fuck? expressions.

"Is everything ok, Isabella?"

"Everything's fine, Vito"

"Are you sure? you're acting really weird this morning, kiddo"

Xander said making me sigh.

"Define weird for me, Xander?"

I ask him and he looks at me with a baffled expression like he wasn't expecting me to ask him this question.

"Well, you know...you're just not acting like your normal self, that's all, sweetheart"

"And that means I'm acting weird?"

I ask while narrowing my eyes at him.

I mean, I guess I am acting weird considering before today, I always treated my brothers like they had hung the moon themselves and I would never talk back to anyone or give them an attitude but things are different today for obvious reasons.

Xander was about to answer me when a familiar voice with a Mexican twang was heard making me groan in annoyance as I felt bile rise in my throat.

"Hola, familia"

Urgh!!, kill me, kill me now, God, please.