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039

Author: Aya Starr
last update Last Updated: 2025-08-21 09:15:35

COLEEN

I stood at the shuttle stop outside campus like I wasn’t freezing to death.

The early January chill crept into my boots and bit at my ankles, but I didn’t move. I just kept refreshing the screen of my phone, checking the last message Hayden sent.

Hayden: Just landed. I’m on my way back to school.

That was the best text I’d gotten since he left. He was finally back.

My heart had been racing since he texted that. That was how much I’ve missed him. It felt funny to even admit that to myself.

Who would have thought that the man who used to terrorize me in high school would keep on torturing me in college but in the best way. A way I never would have imagined.

It had been three weeks.

Three weeks without hearing his voice in real life.

Three weeks of short messages, tired video calls, and his occasional late night calls and sad attempts at making jokes. He even tried downplaying how serious the program was but I didn’t fall for it.

Everyday he was away felt like an eternity. Now,
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  • The Hockey Star Regret    046

    COLEENBy the time I reached the apartment, my cheeks hurt from grinning. I fumbled with my keys, dropped them twice, then burst inside to the smell of cinnamon, the smell of Mark’s candle, and the faint echo of a guitar riff from his room.“Mark?” I called, toeing off my boots.“Bedroom!” he answered, then the riff cut off, and he padded into the living room in socks and a hoodie with the band’s name splashed across the front. He took one look at my face and set the guitar aside. “You’re either about to cry or you’ve just discovered puppies on campus.”“Neither.” I shrugged off my coat, suddenly bashful in a way I hadn’t been since middle school. “Hayden asked me out. Like, on a real date, and I said yes.”Mark didn’t squeal, he wasn’t Alicia, but his smile was all bright teeth and proud eyes. “Finally.”I threw a pillow at him. “What do you mean, finally?”“Please. The trajectory has been obvious since the party-that-shall-not-be-named.” He flopped onto the couch and patted the cus

  • The Hockey Star Regret    045

    COLEENBy the time Hayden walked into the athletic complex lobby, the building had gone quiet in that way it always did just before closing. The fluorescent lights hummed. The vending machine made its sad little whirr in the corner. Somewhere down the hall, a lone basketball bounced, then rolled, then settled.I had my elbows on the counter, pretending to care about the clipboard schedule I’d already checked three times. Which is to say, I was minding my business and absolutely not rehearsing what I’d say if he happened to show up.Then he did.He looked annoyingly good for someone who’d just finished practice, hair damp, cheeks flushed, duffel bag slung over his shoulder like he’d been born with it attached. His eyes found mine almost instantly, like they always did now, and my stomach did that headfirst slide it had been practicing ever since the late-night skate.“Well, if it isn’t Hockey Nerd,” I said, because if there was ever a moment to lean on tradition, it was this one.He

  • The Hockey Star Regret    044

    HAYDENAt this point, it’s like every practice got progressively worse because what the hell was this torture?Everything ached so much that I couldn’t even tell if any of my muscles were spared.Coach was determined to make the playoffs and possibly have a chance at winning the Stanley Cup this year.I had to be honest, though, he wasn’t the only one who had that dream. Everyone on the team was just as hungry for that win. That was why none of us complained when he extended practice times. It was a sacrifice we were willing to make to secure that victory.Coach’s whistle cut through the air, sharp enough to make my shoulders tense.“Michaels! Keep your head in the game!”“Yeah, sorry, Coach!” I called back, even though I wasn’t really sorry.Because the truth was… my head wasn’t in the game. It was somewhere else entirely. More specifically, on someone who was in her apartment, curled up on the couch, texting me during some movie night with Mark.Coleen.At this point, I don’t even b

  • The Hockey Star Regret    043

    COLEENThe apartment smelled faintly of buttered popcorn and the cinnamon candle Mark had lit on the coffee table. The living room was dim except for the soft glow from the TV, which was paused on the streaming menu while he flipped through options.It was movie night, and I had to admit that we hadn’t had one of these in a while. It was one of my favorite nights because I got to just exist with my best friend for a few hours while we ate ridiculous snacks and judged fictional characters.For a while, we were both allowed to let go of whatever was bothering us and just be. Exist in the moment.“Comedy? Action? Sappy romance you’ll pretend you don’t like?” he asked, glancing at me over his shoulder with that same mischievous grin that always made me suspicious.“Definitely not sappy romance,” I said. “We’re not going to sit here and cry over fictional couples tonight.”He scoffed. “First of all, you cried during ‘The Notebook’. Don’t deny it.”“I had allergies,” I said, deadpan. There

  • The Hockey Star Regret    042

    COLEENI woke up the next morning with the faint smell of ice still clinging to my hair.I could still smell the metallic smell of the ice rink and the faint hint of Hayden’s cologne and for some reason, I didn’t hate it.Although I would never admit this to him, but he was right. I did have fun. In fact, it was the most fun I’ve had in a while. I knew it sounded strange that I’ve never skated before but I was too busy studying to think about that.In my defense, I wasn’t thinking about him when I got ready for class. At least, that’s what I told myself while pulling on a sweater I hadn’t worn in months. But then I caught myself wondering if he’d notice it.And that was… embarrassing. What the hell had Hayden done to me that he had me feeling like a freshman in high school again. It was a giddy feeling that made you want to burst into song and shit yourself at the same time. Scary but exciting.By the time I got to campus, I had already tried to rewire my brain back to normal mode. I

  • The Hockey Star Regret    041

    COLEENWhen Hayden texted me, I thought he was joking.Hayden: Meet me at the rink. 9 p.m. Bring warm clothes.”I have missed him. Since he got back he needed some time to properly settle in so I decided to leave him be.I stared at the message for a full minute before replying.Me: What are you plotting?Hayden: Why don't you come and find out.It was almost ten degrees below freezing when I stepped inside the athletic complex that night. The rink lights were still on, casting a pale blue glow over the empty ice. The faint hum of the cooling system buzzed in the background, and somewhere, the boards popped from the temperature shift.Hayden was already there, leaning against the boards with a smug grin. He had two pairs of skates sitting on the bench beside him, one was his, the other clearly meant for me.“You’re late,” he said.“It’s two minutes past nine.”“Exactly. Two minutes I could’ve spent laughing at you trying to skate.”I narrowed my eyes. “You dragged me here just so you

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