The Love Letter I Should’ve Thrown Away

The hallway was dimly lit.

I clutched the letter and hesitated for a long time. In the end, I didn't throw it away.

Hannah Shelton transferred into the class next door two weeks earlier.

Someone posted her photo on the school's social media page the day she arrived, and she effortlessly became known as the prettiest girl in school.

Even someone as gifted and privileged as Perry Hughes couldn't help admiring her.

He said, "She's impressive."

A couple of days earlier, I overheard one of his friends ask him a question.

"You're so hard to win over. What kind of girl do you even like?"

Perry stood by the railing and smiled casually. "Someone like Hannah, I guess."

But he was too proud to make the first move, even if he liked her.

And now Hannah actually wrote him a love letter.

I arrived at the classroom early the next morning.

Perry wasn't there yet.

We had shared a desk for the past two years.

He was the one who asked to sit with me.

I was quiet and never caused any trouble.

My family was poor too.

Once he found that out, he occasionally asked me to do small tasks for him and used them as an excuse to give me money.

But we still belonged to two different worlds.

He was born into privilege, and everything came easily to him.

Even next to gold, I was never going to shine.

Perry arrived shortly after I did.

He started working on some questions without looking at me.

I slipped my hand into my bag and wrestled with myself for a while before calling his name. "Perry."

His pen paused, and he glanced up. "Stuck on a question?"

I shook my head.

"No."

I handed him the love letter. "I missed one when I threw the others away yesterday. Do you want to read it?"

Normally, Perry would shake his head and say no.

But this time, his eyebrows rose at the name on the envelope. He took the letter with a barely noticeable flicker of delight on his face. "Thanks."

Less than two days later, I noticed a blue hair tie around Perry's wrist.

He asked me a question.

"What kind of things do girls like?"

I froze, but before I could answer, someone interrupted.

A boy from our class walked over to us. "Your deskmate's a total bookworm. You'd be better off asking me."

Perry frowned, and his voice turned cold. "What's it to you?"

I was quiet for a moment. "Who is it for?"

He looked at me and paused briefly before answering.

"My girlfriend."

All the strength suddenly drained out of me.

He and Hannah were already together.

I considered his question, my gaze dropping to the worn cuff of my sweater. "Sorry. I don't know."

After that, I rarely sought Perry out.

I felt guilty and didn't dare get close to him anymore.

One day, I got stuck on a math problem.

Beside me, Perry twirled his pen and instinctively turned toward me.

He seemed ready to explain it to me.

This unspoken understanding developed between us over the past two years.

He always noticed right away when I struggled.

But instead of sliding my worksheet over to him as usual, I turned around and quietly asked the girl behind me, "Could you help me with a problem?"

Out of the corner of my eye, I saw Perry stiffen.

Then he abruptly stood and left the classroom.

It rained that evening.

I ran into Perry on my way downstairs.

He looked at me for a moment. "Want to walk together?"

We'd shared an umbrella before.

But I shook my head. "No, thanks. My umbrella's in the classroom. I'll go get it."

Perry looked up through the rain, his voice a little low. "Is it?"

"How come I didn't see an umbrella when you were packing up today?"

"You must've missed it," I said.

He tightened his grip on the umbrella handle and nodded coolly.

"Got it. Suit yourself."

Perry and I didn't speak for the next few days.

But that didn't last long.

One day after school, I was about to leave my seat when he stopped me.

With his long limbs, he barely had to move to block the aisle and keep me in my seat.

He waited until everyone else left the classroom.

Then he studied my face and spoke slowly.

"Lucy Reed."

He rarely said my name so seriously.

I froze.

Then he asked, "What did I do to upset you?"

Of course, Perry did nothing wrong.

On the contrary, he always looked out for me.

Whenever someone spoke badly of me, he was the first to defend me. If someone else asked for his help at the same time as I did, he helped me first.

In other words, out of everyone in our class, Perry always put me first.

Even a girl I barely knew once asked me about it in private.

"Lucy, why does Perry treat you so differently? Do you think he likes you?"

I shook my head without a second thought. "No."

She smiled. "I bet you'd look really pretty with your bangs swept back. Why not give it a try? How often do you meet a guy like Perry? And he's right beside you. You've already got a head start, you know?"

I stayed silent.

Now, I pressed my lips together and met Perry's gaze.

"I'm not upset. I have something to do, so I need to go."

I left the classroom without looking back.

On my way downstairs, I remembered a worksheet I forgot to take.

I had no choice but to go back.

That was when I saw Hannah.

She was tall, slender, and beautiful, with an elegant gift box in her hand.

I'd seen it online before.

Anything from that brand cost at least $20,000.

"Thanks for the gift," she said.

Perry lowered his gaze.

"As long as you like it."

Hannah smiled, then suddenly asked, "I told my dad I wanted to transfer into your class. Can I sit with you?"

The moon glowed faintly in the sky.

My heart raced.

But Perry didn't agree right away.

His brows drew together, as though something was troubling him.

"We'll see."

Hannah smiled. "Are you worried no one else will sit with your deskmate? I heard she's a bit of a loner."

I stood frozen, too afraid to hear Perry's answer.

I quickly turned away and hurried downstairs as fast as I could.

Less than two days later, Hannah transferred into Class One, just as she said she would.

Our homeroom teacher was in the staff room dealing with something.

Hannah stood at the front of the classroom and introduced herself.

She introduced herself with poise and confidence, explaining that her name meant “grace.”

Several people started teasing them.

"Perry, the prettiest girl in school came here for you! Let's all go out for dinner tonight!"

"Yeah! Should we start calling her Mrs. Hughes?"

Perry clicked his tongue.

"That's enough. You'll scare her off."

Just then, our homeroom teacher walked in, looked around the classroom, and spoke to Hannah.

"There's an empty seat in the front row. How about sitting next to Joshua Carter?"

The classroom immediately fell silent.

Everyone at Crestwood High knew about him.

Joshua was a spoiled rich kid who wasn't there to study. He spent his days either causing trouble or sleeping at his desk.

No one dared cross him.

Naturally, no one dared sit beside him either.

But sometimes, he was surprisingly easygoing.

A while earlier, he angered our homeroom teacher, who told him to get up and move to the front row.

He went without a word of protest.

A breeze picked up outside the window, and I glanced at Perry beside me.

He looked up, as though he was about to say something.

I stood before he could speak. "I can't see the board very well. Could I switch seats with Hannah?"

I was usually quiet and reserved.

This was the first time I volunteered to speak up in class.

I would rather step aside myself and give Perry what he wanted than hear him tell me to move.

Our homeroom teacher considered it. "All right."

But just then, Perry's pen suddenly fell to the floor.

He didn't reach for it right away. Instead, he turned to look at me.

There was a hint of mockery in his eyes.

He spoke quietly enough that only I could hear.

"You've been acting so strange lately. Don't tell me it's because of Joshua."

Perry was aloof and indifferent to almost everything.

He rarely let his feelings show.

It was the first time I heard him speak in that tone.

I was silent for a moment.

In the end, all I said was, "It has nothing to do with him. Thank you for everything you've done for me."

Perry's lips curved faintly.

He turned away and stopped looking at me.

I packed up my things and moved to the front row.

Joshua glanced at me.

Then he raised an eyebrow and spoke casually.

"Lucy?"

I pressed my lips together, a little surprised.

Joshua barely interacted with the girls in our class.

He didn't add them on WhatsApp either.

I clearly remembered a pretty girl from our class asking if she could watch him play basketball a while earlier. He was silent for a long moment before asking, "Sorry, who are you?"

Yet he actually remembered my name.

I nodded. "Yes."

He looked away without another word.

For the rest of the day, I forced myself not to look back.

But Perry and Hannah weren't sitting far from me.

I kept hearing her lovely laughter.

Even Perry seemed more talkative.

Still, I couldn't make out what they were saying.

I only breathed a sigh of relief when school ended.

I packed up my things and went downstairs.

But halfway down, someone bumped into me.

I fell, and my forehead struck the railing beside me.

I touched it and found blood.

I hissed in pain.

Then I heard Hannah's voice.

"You fell on your own. Don't try to blame me."

Her voice was lovely.

But her words left me deeply upset.

I looked up at her.

"You're the one who knocked me over."

I held out my right hand and spoke slowly and clearly. "You're paying my medical bills."

Hannah froze.

"You're so desperate for money you've lost your mind," she said in disbelief.

I stood with a hand pressed to my forehead and looked her straight in the eye. I was about to speak, but a cool, familiar voice interrupted me.

"What happened?"

I turned and saw Perry standing a short distance away.

He carried a bag of desserts and a pink schoolbag.

I recognized the schoolbag.

It was Hannah's.

The sight stung as though something burned me.

I quickly looked away.

Beside me, Hannah complained to Perry in a petulant voice.

"This is your fault. You took so long buying those things. Now she's trying to scam me."

Perry frowned.

His gaze sharpened at the sight of my forehead, and he instinctively reached out to brush my bangs aside and check the injury.

But his hand paused in midair.

He drew it back.

Then he asked, "Really? She's not that kind of person."

He was clearly defending me.

Yet somehow, all I felt was humiliation.

Hannah looked displeased.

"You're taking her side? She demanded money for her medical bills. I saw your chat history with her on your phone. You've been sending her money all this time.

"If she's that desperate for cash, is it really so surprising she'd do this?"

Perry's brows drew together.

He looked at me.

I shook my head and forced out the words. "That's not what happened..."

But he wasn't willing to hear any more.

Instead, he took a small step back.

When he looked at me again, his gaze was colder.

He said, "Was this really necessary, Lucy?"

He only spoke those words, but I thought I understood what he meant.

Why would I do something like this for money?

Even if I urgently needed it, I could have told him. Our time as deskmates might not count for much, but he wouldn't have stood by and done nothing.

My lips parted.

I still wanted to explain.

But Hannah already took the desserts from Perry and helped herself to a bite.

I heard her say, "It's so sweet."

Of course it was. For someone as perfect as her, life was nothing but sweetness.

I came from poverty and accepted so much money from Perry.

Naturally, people would look down on me no matter what I did.

So, I said nothing.

I just looked at Perry once, then walked away without looking back.

I went to the hospital alone.

By the time they finished treating my wound, it was ten that night.

Only when I got home did I take my phone out of my bag and turn it on.

Then I saw it.

A short while earlier, Perry sent me $200.

He also sent two messages.

[Hannah's a good girl. She doesn't play games. Let's leave what happened today behind us and never bring it up again.]

[Even though we're no longer deskmates, you can still run errands for me. I'll pay you.]

I scrolled up, feeling a little numb.

The truth was, I owed him a lot.

He only ever asked me to do trivial things: throw away love letters, refill his water bottle, pick up packages.

Yet each payment covered a month's living expenses.

But I couldn't keep accepting his money so shamelessly.

So, after a long time, I replied.

[No, thanks. If you're worried your girlfriend might get the wrong idea, you can delete my contact too.]

He replied almost immediately. [The wrong idea about what?]

A lump rose in my throat.

He was right.

To him, I was just another classmate.

I replied, [Nothing. I'm going to bed.]

I sent it and waited a long time.

He replied.

[Okay.]

I stared at that single word.

My eyes stung.

The cut on my forehead throbbed faintly too.

But just as my tears were about to fall, a friend request popped up at the top of the screen.

[It's Joshua Carter.]

I froze, then accepted it.

He got straight to the point.

[I heard you'll run errands for money?]

I thought for a moment.

That was one way to put it...

But Perry was the only person I ever made that arrangement with.

Still, there was no reason to turn down work that came to me.

So, I replied.

[Yes. What do you want me to do?]

He sent a voice message.

His voice came through the speaker.

He sounded tired, with a casual, almost flippant tone.

[Oh, bring me breakfast tomorrow.]

It was early the next morning.

I ran into Perry at the classroom door.

At first, he was cold and distant.

But when he saw the two breakfasts in my hand, his eyebrows lifted slightly, and the corners of his mouth curved up.

Then he held out his hand.

"Didn't you say you were done? Why did you still bring me break—"

Before he could finish, Joshua walked past us.

He snatched the bag from my hand.

He opened it and glanced inside.

"Nice. Thanks."

He didn't look at us again.

He went straight to his seat.

Students came and went around us.

Perry looked down at me and stared for a long moment. His hands were in his pockets, and his expression was tense. "So, it was for him?"

There was no reason to hide it.

I nodded. "Yes."