4. Freya

Two days of living in a barn. It might be a much nicer barn than most but this is ridiculous. Bella fetches me the most delicious home-cooked meals but keeps a shy distance. Lucien says absolutely nothing to me. It is like being guarded by a grizzly bear.

Beta Zeke remains, doing his best to annoy me. He is always nagging at Finn to put more effort into guarding me, which then leads to him being a pissed-off grump. Not that I want to talk to him either. 

I don’t do anything. I just lie on the bed and regret every decision that lead me here.

Finn busies himself with wood carving, reading, whatever on the floor below. I look up through the skylight and remember the life I’ve abandoned. I can see the sunset just colouring the sky, the most spectacular burning orange as I lie back in the huge pillows.

Goddess the huge glamorous dances my family used to hold. I look down at my nails, all scrubbed, short and plain and remember the jewels and bracelets I used to wear. I would be covered in the finest silk. Crowds would coo over my dresses. Now I’m dressed in Zena’s black leggings and red silk camisole vest. I look like everyone else. Not a Luna, just a girl.

My Ceremony with Phillipe I looked perfect. I know I did.

White and green silk, swirling around me like a forest fairy. I closed my eyes and took myself back to that aisle. How I walked down it holding my fathers arm. How he had whispered to me only moments before that all he had ever wished for was my happiness.

I had kissed him on his roughened cheek, grizzled from the battles of his youth. “Don’t worry about me Papa, he is perfect.”

Luna Hollie had embraced me, her golden eyes shining with tears and insisted she saw me as a daughter. The kindest, sweetest mother-in-law anyone could wish for. Only for her son to have her throat slit in the night. 

I had no idea. No idea at all. He’d let me spend all those months planning away, obsessing over colours, flowers and music. I had convinced myself that if I made it perfect enough, somehow he would stop spending so much time away. With my eyes shut I scrunch my face to keep the tears from falling.

“Hey.”

I sat up quickly, trying to hide my fluster at the interruption. “What do you want?”

Beta Zeke stood at the top of the mezzanine stairs a few feet from my bed. He had a black leather jacket, black jeans and white vest. The white of the vest highlighted his olive skin. I already knew he was ripped underneath, thanks to Livi providing me an immediate flash of remembrance. Those dark eyes stared right at me. 

With no emotion, “I’m heading back north.”

“How long are you leaving me here for? I can’t stay here forever! I should be at Cragstone”

He rolled his eyes. I leapt off the bed and walked towards him. Jabbing my finger into his firm chest. “I’m serious! Why can’t I just go back to my parents at White Forest instead?”

“Because Alpha Cillian wants you here. You’re under Shadowlands protection.”

“Can’t you make a decision on your own?”

“You don’t want to know what I would have done with you,” his chest swelling with indignation, pressing against my finger sharply.

/He doesn’t trust us. We’ve walked away from our mate and he doesn’t believe us!/ Livi cried in anguish.

“Do you have any idea what I’m going through? I left everything, left my mate-”

“You didn’t even reject him, this is just a bit of drama for you,” as his sweet wine scent drifted into my senses. That rich berry tang swept across my palate and made Livi jump again.

“If this is just a bit of drama then why all the guarding? Why the middle of nowhere!”

“Because you’ve made a fool of your mate, damaged his war plans and he’s going to make you pay. He’s going to try and kill you.”

His words were cold, barked out like a soldier deploying tactics. There was nothing but raw anger between us.

“You don’t know a thing about our matebond. He could never hurt me.”

“You’re the one who left. If it was bliss, you would have stayed.”

I hate how his words cut me to the bone. He knows. /He can’t know everything that happened/ Livi whimpered. /Not unless Genevieve gossiped/. 

She wouldn’t. She told Nikolai but they’re mates. My pulse goes too fast, the idea he might know my darkest shame too much to bear. 

With his dark eyes blazing at me I saw the slightest flicker of bright green in his iris. So his wolf despises me too. 

“Why do you hate me?”

“You don’t need to know.”

“But you do? You hate me?”

“I hate how idiotic you are. You have no idea the damage that has been done whilst you sulk, wishing you weren’t here.”

Again he landed the killer blow to my confidence. Over and over I had cursed myself for being stupid, foolish.Always the last to know and even this Beta from another pack knew it.

“Really? You think I’m an idiot?”

Zeke suddenly stepped forward, grabbing my wrist into his hand. I couldn’t help a gasp of surprise as he removed the gap between us. He had stubble beginning to form on his cheek, his long brown locks scraped up into a high topknot. His cheekbones were sharp, making those brown eyes of his all the more piercing. 

Before I could tell him to get off me he growled deeply. “Right now my Alpha, paired with your brother, are fighting every single day to stop Phllipe destroying everything that matters! With fucked up, mash-up hybrid wolves! And you’re moaning at me about your sleeping arrangements!”

“I…I…”

“Find something to do. Get yourself some fucking purpose. Act like a Luna.”

“So what, I start sawing wood? Feed the chickens?”

“I couldn’t give a shit what you do. Just stay here and stay alive along with that amulet.”

“Should I not bury it somewhere?”

“No. Wear it. Because when Phillipe does try to kill you, it will save your life.”

That took the words from my mouth. I couldn’t help it, I tried to form a sentence and failed. It’s too stark, too bleak. I took a step back, out of the wine-scented haze of Zeke until my legs bumped the bed. I shut my eyes, assaulted by too many memories, too many voices all telling me I’m foolish.

“I’m not trying to be cruel,” Zeke said after a minute of silence.  “ But if you live in the past it will eat you up.”

“How would you even know-” but stopped as I saw his head tilt to the side, looking at me like I was some kind of lunatic. Then a bump of realisation made me softly inhale.

“You lost someone to Phillipe? Is that why you’re like this? My mate killed someone you loved?”

“Get to know Bella, she’s a living legend of survival,” he said briskly, completely avoiding the subject. I didn’t miss that extra flash of green his iris. He's an angry and frustrated man because he’s grieving. He hates me because of Phillipe. 

“I’ll be back in a month. Hopefully he’ll be dead by then.”

“Dead?” and his look was so withering I blushed. Of course. It’s a war. They don’t just give the losers a reprimand. They take their throats and conquer their pack. “I know that’s what you all want. I’m doing what I can. I can’t wish my mate dead though.”

“It’s all I wish for,” he said flatly before finally looking away. Then he trotted down the stairs and out.  I drew in a quick breath. I felt like I’d been released by a hypnotist. Everything Zeke said was laced with meaning. There was a power to his body language, his intensity I’d never known from a Beta before.

I’d seen the guy completely naked and still didn’t have a clue about him. He was a completely different build to Phillipe, I’d managed to learn that much from my greedy peripheral vision. 

Phillipe was tall, lean and wiry. His towering mane of white hair and colour-changing eyes dominate a room, not his muscles. Zeke was shorter, but a lean, toned body forged from iron. I had half suspected him of walking in naked on purpose, until I realised just how much he hates me. 

The rev of a motorcycle signalled the end of the strangely mesmerising Beta Zeke. Surely Alpha Cillian’s best friend had not always been so bitter? 

I flopped back down on the bed. It’s a strange sensation to know you’re disliked. A million better, wittier responses flew into my mind. Livi miserably pined at how he was judging us. We aren’t incompetent. I am not drowning in the past.

Leaving a mate is a huge deal!

“Thank fuck he’s gone,” came another voice. The stairs creaked under heavy footsteps as an arm waving a white towel on a stick approached. Finn’s huge frame appeared at the top of the steps. As well as his pathetic little white flag he carried a huge glass bottle of dark liquid and two glasses. 

“Truce?” and adrenaline fizzed through me. He leant back on the wooden mezzanine railing with a look I can only describe as completely and utterly devious.