JaneThree Months LaterI keep waiting for life to return to normal. But I’m not sure it ever will. In the three months since I gave up Paisley for the second time, a lot has changed. The pup’s 5th birthday came and went, and though my youngest came to celebrate the event with us, Ethan stayed behind in the NightFang pack with his new mate.The news about Nina had taken me by little surprise – I’d always known he would find a she-wolf to replace me, though I admit I hadn’t expected it to happen so fast. I also hadn’t expected it to be his fated mate. When the news broke, I pretended it didn’t hurt, but I think everyone knew I was simply putting on a brave front. The distance between us makes it easier to convince myself Ethan doesn’t still hold power over me, but the truth is not a day goes by that I don’t think of him – that I don’t mourn his loss.Of course, I miss Paisley too, just not in the same way. Longing for my child is a very different matter than longing for my mate, and th
Ethan Unlike most kids, I never hated going to the doctor. I never feared shots or had anxiety visiting the dentist. It wasn’t until Paisley was born that I began dreading the sympathetic smiles of nurses or grim faces of physicians with the unfortunate burden of bearing bad news. Over the years, watching my baby battle her heart condition taught me to absolutely despise hospitals and the sterile scents of testing facilities. I can’t walk into a doctor’s office without my heart sinking into my stomach, even if it’s just for a routine wellness check. Those feelings of dread only grew when it became my turn to battle for my life, though Paisley is still at the heart of it. I wouldn’t care so much about my fate if it weren’t for her. I know Jane and the other pups are safe with Devon, I know they’re healing and well on their way to bright futures. What’s more, over the last three months Matthew and Nina have helped me make plans to ensure the pack’s survival and prosperity if the wors
Ethan Paisley looks confused by my announcement, but Nina sits up at attention. “What did the doctor say?” “He said I’m finally a viable candidate for a spinal surgery that might restore my mobility.” I explain, not wanting to beat around the bush, “and save my life.” “Ethan that’s wonderful!” Nina beams, looking as though she wants to hug me. Unfortunately for her I still have Paisley in my arms, so she doesn’t move from the couch. I look to the sweet bundle in my arms. Her brow is furrowed in thought, and I can see the gears turning in her young mind. “Like one of my surgries, Daddy?” She asks eventually. “When they don’ know if it’ll actually work or not?” Goddess how I hate that she knows to ask these questions, that her own experiences have made her more attune to the flipside of my words than a grown she-wolf. “Yes, angel.” I confirm. “There’s only a fifty percent chance it will work if I do it now. Do you know what that means?” “Like half and half.” She nods, gnawing on h
Jane I’m staring at Devon with utmost apprehension, my thoughts racing at a mile a minute. What in the Goddess’s name is he about to tell me? All of a sudden, I realize that whatever it is – I don’t want to hear it. My heart is racing every bit as fast as my thoughts, pounding violently against my ribcage. To imagine that yet another person in my life – one I taught myself to trust despite all my bad experiences, who I’ve come to trust above anyone else save Linda– might have betrayed me, is just too much to contemplate. Devon is watching me anxiously, trying to work up the courage to say whatever it is he intends. The hand I rejected a moment ago now clasps his other, shaking with the force he’s using to lock his fingers together. Already I know whatever is coming must be very bad indeed – or he wouldn’t be so nervous. “I’m sorry, Devon.” I choke suddenly, lurching to my feet. “I can’t do this. I can’t be here right now.” “Jane wait–” He stands as well, reaching towards me as if
Jane “So, what does that mean exactly? If I prick my finger in front of you, are you going to go all Dracula on me?” I squeak, my mind absolutely reeling with this revelation. “Of course not.” Devon laughs, “I wouldn’t have ever rejoined shifter society if I couldn’t control myself, Jane.” “It must be difficult though, if you see or smell blood?” I guess. “No harder than it is for you to see a nice meal laid out in front of you. As long as I’m not starved to the point of insanity, I can easily keep that part of me in check.” He explains “Well what about food? I mean I’ve seen you eat regular meals.” I’m leaning towards him now, so intrigued by this news that I can’t bring myself to be frightened or upset – not yet anyway. “I can eat regular food.” He shares, the corners of his mouth tugging into a frown as he watches my avid expression. “I just also have to drink blood a few times a week.” Now a healthy dose of fear does trickle through my senses. I’m trying to resist the urge
Ethan “Daddy!” Paisley’s sweet voice whispers in my ear, as one of her sharp little fingers jabs my side. “Daddy, are you awakes?” My eyes are still closed, and it feels as though I just fell asleep a moment ago. I’m not sure what time it is, but I know something must be up if Paisley is trying to wake me. Normally she climbs right into bed with me and snuggles up without a word, perfectly content to snooze until I’m ready to get up – even if her tummy is growling with hunger, she’ll happily choose cuddles over food. “Daddy,” she whispers again, giving me another prod. “No.” I moan, throwing an arm over my eyes dramatically. “I’m asleep.” “Daddy!” Paisley giggles, the sweet sound lifting my sleepy spirits. “I’m serious.” “So am I.” I grumble, pulling the covers up over my head to hide from the adorable creature. A moment later the duvet is yanked back down, and Paisley is sitting on my chest, determined to interrupt my rest. “Daddy I needs to talk to you.” Begrudgingly I peek
Jane Of all the things I expected to find when I came home today, Paisley, Ethan and his fated mate were just about the last things on my list. I’m so stunned when I see my ex-husband that it takes me a moment to realize that Paisley is buried beneath her siblings on the floor. It’s not until I hear her muffled voice crying, “Mommy!” that I’m able to pull my attention away from her father. “Paisley?” I respond hopefully, feeling my heart immediately leap into my throat. After a moment her little head appears, and her eyes widen when she sees my round belly. “Mommy you’re tummy’s ginormous!” She exclaims. She’s not the only one who seems preoccupied with it. Ethan is staring at my belly too – as if he’s never seen a pregnant she-wolf before. I try my best to ignore him, instead lowering myself to the ground to take Paisley into my arms. “I know, angel.” I laugh, pulling my daughter close as soon as she’s within reach. “You should have seen me
Jane The day after Paisley, Ethan and Nina arrive in the Dark Moon pack, we spend the day at the park with Devon and the other pups. We packed a picnic, went on a hike, and stopped at the playground afterwards so the pups could expend any energy they had left over. For the most part I watched Ethan with the pups, searching for any signs of strange behavior – anything that might explain the conversation I overheard last night. I’m sticking close to Devon and seriously debating just coming out and asking one or both of the men what’s going on. However the fact that they’ve clearly been colluding to keep me in the dark all this time makes me think I’m better off investigating on my own. I keep replaying their secretive whispers in my head, trying to untangle the hidden meanings in their words. For whatever reason, Ethan clearly asked Devon to look out for me and the pups. He’d said he didn’t have a choice… whatever that means. As I watched Ethan gallop