Chapter Four - Maricela

The water is freezing. My entire body shivers violently but I had to do it. I had to wash. Not only do I absolutely stink but I’m still covered in blood, in grime, in all the remnants of death.

I scrub at my skin with my hands, having nothing else to use to get all the dirt off. My hair is so matted it seems pointless to even try to sort it out but I duck my head, and try to ease out the knots.

I wouldn’t never shout about my looks but I knew I wasn’t ugly. It was the only thing I actually had going for me. By human standards I was perfect, slim, petite, not too short but not too tall.

But I’m not human. I’m a Werewolf.

And Wolves don’t want delicate mates, they want strong, fierce, determined women. Women who can fight, who can defend themselves. They want an equal. A partner.

I’ll never be that.

Having a pretty face at least eased that pain a little. I wouldn’t stare into a mirror and see complete ugliness staring back. But then what does it matter? I’ll never find my mate, if I even have one. And if I did, they’d never choose me. I’d be rejected, tossed aside quicker than I can even think ‘mate-bond’.

My stomach growls.

I’m so damn hungry.

That snake was a good meal but it was days ago now. I reset the traps but so far I’ve caught nothing. Perhaps the animals are too smart now, perhaps they’ve learnt. They’ve seen their friends get caught and murdered and now they know better.

Guilt coils inside me. What I’d give to just stick to the vegetation but none of it is safe to eat. I know the berries will taste amazing but within days I’ll be dead. And the few non spikey leaves, well, they won’t even give me that before they kill me.

I have no choice but to hunt, to kill.

I shake my head, cupping my hands and swallow down some more water. I found this stream only this morning, having ventured far further than I dared before because I’d killed everything close to the cave.

I’ve stayed hidden, watching, trying to figure out if it was safe, if I was being reckless, but then necessity took over. In truth, my Wolf forced me to act.

I don’t regret it but I know I will. It’s going to take hours to walk back, to get back to the cave and when night falls, I won’t be able to start a fire but the cold will set in and that’s when I’ll decide this whole thing was stupid.

But my thirst will be gone, and I’ll be clean. Perhaps that will ease the trembles as I desperately try to stay warm. Perhaps, but it feels like wishful thinking all the same.