chapter 04

I was discharged from the hospital and I was still not yet fully recovered . I didn't even know I'd I ever recover. Not only I've lost my child but my chance of being a mother one day.

This made me feel like killing him. And not just killing but be the one that holds the fork burning him in hell. After all the hell he's put me through, this was the worst.

And it was time I decided it was the last. I couldn't leave like this anymore, I need help. I'd rather sleep on the streets than sit for this.

I arrived home it was quite. I got the preview from the neighbors of what had happened. Marc is under lock and key. Lucky enough one of the neighbors heard me when I was crying and called for help.

Not that I'm excited that he's in jail. He's going to get a bed, clothes and food to eat. That's like an early retirement for him. He's worth of a lot more than bars. Even hell is not good enough for him.

That week I spent oscillate with Marc's case. I was still not feeling well but I had to get rid of the bad mould once and for all. Finally he was not ever going to be a part of my life again. I filed for divorce even the same week. I've never wanted anything that could cause unnecessary interactions with him. I was done with him for good.

More weeks passed and I still haven't recovered from my loss. My body was fully recovered but internally I was bleeding terribly. A punch to the gut, or a knife in the heart. A broken heart, a shattered dream, and a terrible loss is all I can see. My wounds create a desire to reach for miracles. It isn't the same anymore. I felt like I was just a moving dead body.

On a Saturday sitting in bed, I couldn't stop crying about everything. My eyes burned. And then there they trickle. Like salty little paratroopers, tears descended in great masses.I couldn't stop thinking about all the terrible things have befallen me. Mixed with all the good memories.

I just find myself crying alone in the darkness. Wondering how I was so stupid to put myself through all this.

Until I decided it was enough crying for one day, it's not even helping. I clean myself up and got ready to get a few drinks. I really needed a breather.

When I got in the club it was packed like a Piccadilly circus . The music was booming loudly, so much people had to yell to communicate.

Just what I need. Maybe run through the series of broken emotions and just take a walk of shame. Probably going to regret the next morning but who cares? I've got bigger regrets in life as it is.

I walk to the bar pushing my way through the crowd. I arrived and ordered myself a drink.

"Avianna?" I hear a very familiar voice calling for me.

I look around to find, "Kellie?" She sits right next to me. We sit in silence as she orders her drink.

" You know- sometimes I wonder if I'm not good enough for anyone. Like what it is that I don't give them? What is the trick I'm missing? I've worked with people my entire life, studied them. Yet they never seize to amaze me, " she sighs gulping her drink.

" Sometimes we are not the problem. We just have to realize they will always want more than you can give. Nothing is ever good enough for them. And it's not our fault, but I guess it still hurts either way, " I reply sipping of my own.

" I'm sorry you had to go through all that. We may have not been best friends but you didn't deserve what Marc did to you. I can't believe I never saw him for the monster he is."

" It's not always easy to spot a wolf dressed in sheep skin. They are usually the best sheeps in the herd. And thank you for helping me with the case."

" It was nothing. Man like him don't deserve to live. It was the least I could do to help, " she says.

" Still it means a lot. I don't really have anyone in this place. Marc was the only thing I had and he turned on me like beer in the stomach."

" Sticking together is more important now. You have no idea how cruel this world can get. Believe me, I've seen." She downs the whole glass in one gulp. " Sooo? When are you traveling back home? " she asked.

" I don't know. Things are really terrible. I want to go home, but I can't just leave my job. I really need the money, " I reply anxiously circling my finger around the glass mouth.

" You know I'm going there in a few days. And my cousin works at this restaurant. We were talking on the phone the other day and she told me they needed new staff. I could put out a word on your behalf. I'm sure I can convince them to give you a chance."

" Is that a lawyer thing? " I chuckle.

" Well I'm pretty sure her boss is sitting on some sh*tty business. If you're interested, I can make a call. Then we'll travel home together."

" That would be amazing. I really don't know how I can thank you, Kellie. You've helped me so much for real, " I cried with a jaded smile.

" Well you can start by refilling our drinks and hitting the dance floor with me, " she says sliding her glass to me. I couldn't help but laugh.

Now I'm learning Kellie is actually a great person. Just a few more drinks and I forget about my shitty life. Dancing like our lives depend on it.

~~

" What? Why?" I laugh.

"Well I deserve to avenge myself. Have you already forgotten what Leroy did to me? " She c*cks her brow.

" It sounds scary though. " I say.

"Well it's not that scary if you can't see the person you're doing it with. And way less regrets. I mean you can't even notice them the next time you meet," she says.

" They might notice me though."

"Well they have their pride. They wouldn't want to seem like simps. It's like chess, only the loser demands replay."

" Well I guess you're right, " I reply. We both laugh as we dance some more to the music.

Soon I find myself in an empty room with a bed only by the wall. A place without much light with paring of the neon lights. The music from the club is faded though you could still feel it's vibration. I'm accompanied by two strippers aside.

"You don't have to be nervous. It's usually the best actually. And no strings attached," says a girl wearing a pink and black lingerie with hair the same color of her lingerie set.

"Have you done this before?" I ask her.

" I'm the one who came up with the idea, " she says proudly.

" I see, " I mummer considering my options.

"After you're done, we'll come and check up on you. And then more and more drinks after that. Just enough to forget about it the next morning," the one on a lime and black lingerie chuckles. " I'm Brooke and this is Susan by the way," the girls finally introduced theirselves.

Though I feel like a cat on hot bricks, I wanted to do it. I mean what do I have to lose? I've lost it all already.