The Night I Tried

Sophie's POV

For weeks, he’d been sleeping beside me.

Not with me, just beside me.

It all started the night after the event, after the car ride, when he apologized without truly apologizing. That night, instead of him to go to his study or disappearing into some corner of the mansion as usual, he didn't do any of that. After taking off his jacket, he had a proper shower and went to the other side of the bed, farther away from me, and lay there. He didn't say a word, it was all silence, and since that night, he has been sharing the bed with me. He never showed me affection or said a word to me, but his silent presence was better than absence, so I was content until I was no longer contented. I want to be touched, I want to be seen by him. I have imagined myself several times in his arms, just melting away.

So tonight, I decided to try, I decided to shoot my shot. 

 

One night, just one is all I ask for, and it's going to be tonight. 

I had been preparing the whole afternoon. I got out of the mansion to go shopping for new lingerie. I rustled through aisles of black lace, red silk, and satin. I picked something soft, they were barely-there and have the color of blush and sin.

When I got home, I did a full body scrub, I soaked myself in the bathtub till my skin glowed, I also booked the private spa team to come wax my every inch until my skin became hairless, just in case.

I told the maids to stay away from the east wing by 7:30. No one was to knock or peek. Not even Christina.

I made his favourite dish myself: spiced lamb, mashed sweet potatoes with truffle oil, and sautéed asparagus. I served it slowly, as art. Like foreplay.

By 8.00, I was wearing the sheerest nightgown I have ever laid my eyes upon, it barely covered anything, and some heels that I could barely carry. My hair flowed down my shoulders. I wore perfume behind my knees, just in case, better safe than sorry. Then I heard the hum of his car pulling into the driveway.

My hands trembled. My heart started pounding against my ribcage.

"Welcome home, babe," I said softly as he walked in, and immediate his eyes landed on me, he stopped in his track. His eyes roamed over me slowly up and down. His eyes moved from my bare thighs, to the net i was wearing that didn't cover anything and the his eyes rested on my chest.

Something flickered in his expression. Surprise, hunger, or confusion? I couldn't quite place what I saw in his eyes, but it wasn't anger that made me smile. 

“I made dinner.”

He didn't say a word, he just followed me into the dining room, he loosened his tie slightly and took the sit at the head of the table. I focused all my attention on pouring him a glass of wine. I intentionally let my fingers brush his as I passed him the glass of wine, maybe I'd get a reaction, but he didn't even flinch as if this was a regular thing for him, while I was dying inside. 

I decided to try another method so while serving our food, i did it slowly as i leaned closer to him maybe he'd feel the heat but the only reaction i get was his eyes following me, not a face reaction. his face remained as cold as ice. 

We ate in silence. I ate a little. He ate all.

I watched every bite.

...

Back in the bedroom, Cipher headed into the bathroom, and as soon as the water started running, I changed into something bolder.

Black sheer net, it was open in the back and lower in the front, I didn’t wear any bra or panties.

I paced near the window, rehearsing my steps just as I had watched on YouTube earlier.

When he stepped out of the bathroom, with the towel tied loosely around his waist, his hair damp, and steam behind him, I stopped breathing. He was the hottest man alive, and I am surprised I haven’t seen him like this before. 

My eyes fall on the drop of water dripping down to his nipple. I swallowed hard, and I could feel the wetness between my legs. 

I turned to face him, slow and deliberate.

He paused in the doorway, his eyes dropped to what I wore. There was still no expression on his face, but since he didn't say a world, i decided to take the bold step and walked to him.

One step. Then another.

I slowly touched his chest as he stood above me. His skin was still warm. I was expecting him to pull away at this point, but he didn't. He just stood there, still with no reaction, not even in his eyes. 

I ran my palm slowly up the center of his chest and stopped at the back of his neck since he didn't pull away, I took the bravest step of my life. It's either now or never. 

I kissed him.

Softly and lightly.

At first, his lips didn't move, so I bit harder, and then he kissed me back slowly, then deeper.

My body melted against his. I moaned into his mouth as his hand grabbed my waist.

The heat rushed through me, and finally, I almost screamed. Finally, he was letting me in.

“Cipher,” I whispered against his lips, “please…”

He grabbed me harder.

Then everything turned.

Instantly, he picked me up and tossed me onto the bed.

I gasped, blinking up at him.

He was standing above me, clenching his jaws, and breathing in and out.

"Is this supposed to impress me?" he asked in a low, cold voice.

My expressions become gloomy.

“What?”

“This act. This pathetic little seduction.”

His words pierced through my heart like a sword

“I—Cipher, I just—”

“You’re fooling yourself,” he cut me off. “What did you think? That I’d fall for you? That dressing like a whore would impress me and make me touch you?”

I quickly sat up, desperate to cover my nakedness, the sheets doubling about my thighs. 

"Desperate for attention? he hissed. “Fine. I will fuck you like the desperate whore you want to be, but never confuse it for love.”

He snapped, and it felt like he had slapped me across the face.

“Cipher…”

“Isn’t it embarrassing?” he spat. “Throwing yourself at a man who doesn’t want you? What kind of woman begs to be wanted?”

I quickly stood up and snatched the robe off the chair. The nightgown fell off my body like my dignity that had just broken right in front of me.

"I can't do this anymore," I whispered, drawing close to the robe.

I did not wait till he said more. I picked up my car key and my phone. I found myself trembling to the point of having to drop the keys twice when my fingers got runny till I got out through the front door.

The cold night air struck me as I immediately entered the car and drove, even though I did not know where to go; it's better than staying here.

I needed to get out because if I had to stay one minute longer, I would break into pieces, and obviously, no one would bother to fix me back together.