Fear Of A Virgin

 KASSY 

_

“Kassy, why on earth are you calling me at this time?” my best friend Jenny groans on the other side of the line.

“Jeez, keep your voice down. Jenny, I’m kind of in trouble here,” I whisper.

“Trouble? What trouble?” she asks, letting out a strange sound.

I frown. “What are you doing?”

“Nothing,” Jenny says, but it definitely doesn’t sound like nothing.

I ignore the weird noises coming from her background and try to focus on my own calamity.

“Shawn is here,” I whisper, glancing back at the door to make sure it’s still closed.

“What is your fiancé—who doesn’t even like you—doing in your house at this hour?”

“My father invited him for dinner, and then boom, they told him to stay over because it was late. He’s in my freaking room because my parents think it’ll be a good idea for us to ‘get used to each other’ before marriage.” I groan softly, still whispering.

Jenny bursts into loud laughter.

“Your parents are really something,” she says, still laughing. “Isn’t this what you’ve always wanted, though? You’re so close to the love of your life—go get that dick, bestie.”

“Shut up!” I hiss, swearing under my breath. “I can’t freaking do anything. I’ll mess this up. I have no idea what to do. He can't stand people like me, remember?”

“He’s such an ass, who hates Vrgins…. “

I had no response for that.

“Go give him the best BJ then. Make me proud kassy”

“You know I can’t,” I grit out between my teeth.

“Ahhh—” A moan slips through the phone.

I freeze, eyes widening. “Is a dude inside you right now?” I ask, my voice sharp with disbelief.

Jenny chuckles, though it sounds more like a moan. “Tried to warn you…”

“Oh my god! I thought you were trying to sleep! Oh god!” I hang up immediately, pressing both palms against my burning face.

Jesus Christ!

I sigh and stare at my reflection in the bathroom mirror. God, how pathetic can I get? Hiding in the bathroom like this.

Jenny’s right. This is what I’ve always wanted. I’ve loved Shawn quietly for years. I’ve dreamed about him holding me, kissing me, making love to me… fucking me on the hood of his car.

When the arranged marriage came up, I begged my father to make it happen.

And now we’re engaged.

But there’s still one huge problem: experience. 

My virginity used to be my pride, something I wanted to give my husband with honor. But then I overheard Shawn talking about how he detests virgins and inexperienced girls. He even joked about how one bit his dick and landed him in the hospital.

That’s when I knew it was over for me. Not only am I a virgin, I’m terrible at anything sensual. The last time I kissed a guy, he broke up with me the very next day.

Even if I decide to hide the virginity part, what about my freaking inexperience? he can't know that… I can't mess up our first time.

I sigh again, tying my long black hair up into a ponytail.

I always thought sex would be something I’d learn with my husband. 

Now it's a different story…

I can’t risk screwing this up. I don’t want to be that woman he sleeps with once and then avoids forever. I want my marriage to succeed.

Maybe I’m just overreacting.

I splash water on my face, take a deep breath, and step out of the bathroom.

Oh god….

The sight in front of me made me wish I had stayed hidden forever.

I stop dead in my tracks, mouth and eyes wide open.

Shawn is sitting on the couch in my room, eyes half-lidded, lips parted, stroking his dick.

His dick.

My knees go weak.

Oh my god. It’s big.

My face instantly burns.

I shut my eyes and whirl around, my heart pounding so fast I can barely breathe.

This can’t be happening.

“What are you doing?” I manage to ask, my voice trembling.

“What does it look like?” Shawn says breathlessly. “I was watching something, got too excited. Wanna help?”

“What? No!” I almost scream, clutching my chest as my heartbeat goes wild.

I should run.

I should hide.

But then I feel his breath behind me, warm and heavy.

Oh my god.

My skin tingles and burns at the same time

“What are you being so shy for? Are you a virgin or something?”

Panic flares instantly. I spin around to face him.

“I’m not!” I blurt out, almost shouting.

Shawn steps back, confusion flickering across his face.

My heart is hammering so hard I can’t think straight.

“You’re so weird,” he mutters.

Say something, I beg my brain. Anything.

“I just… uh, I feel like it’s inappropriate to do it right now,” I stammer.

“What are you talking about? We’re getting married soon. What’s the big deal? It’s just sex”

“Exactly,” I say, forcing confidence into my tone.

Slowly, I walk toward him, praying my knees don’t buckle.

You’ve watched enough p**n, Kassy. Don’t embarrass yourself now, I scold myself silently.

Standing in front of him, I force myself to look down at his hard length, resisting the urge to bolt under the bed. 

His half-lidded eyes stay fixed on my face.

I raise my trembling hand, run it over his chest, and pray he doesn’t notice how badly I’m shaking.

Holding my breath, I let my hand trail down and wrap around his dick, stroking carefully, terrified of scratching him with my nails.

I feel faint.

“I’m the last person on earth you’d want to call a virgin, honey,” I murmur, praying he doesn’t see through me.

I move past him, stepping behind, still shaking so badly I can barely stand.

“I’d love to give you the best licking and sucking of your life, but I wouldn’t want my parents hearing your screams, Shawn,” I whisper.

“Sure it’s my scream you’re worried about?” Shawn asks, still facing away from me.

“Is that a challenge, Mr. Rhode?”

He turns to face me. I immediately tuck my shaky hands behind my back.

I force a smirk, hoping it looks real and not like I’m seconds away from crying, like I really feel like doing right now…

Shawn hums. “Trying to act tough, huh? I know you’ve wanted my dick for years. You really gonna turn it down the moment you can finally get a taste?”

I keep my face straight. “What’s the rush, when I’m gonna have it forever?”

“Forever, huh? That’s a big promise I’m not sure I can keep, Kassy. I heard your little speech about making me fall madly in love with you. Wanna hear my opinion?”

He steps closer, leaning down until his breath tickles my ear. “I’d like to see you try.”

I'm gonna die

Then he pulls back, smirking. “Buckle up, sweetie. It’s not gonna be an easy ride.”

My knees nearly give out.

“For this—” he gestures at his dick—“I’ll take care of it somewhere else.”

My heart shatters, but deep down, I already knew about his playboy lifestyle.

He slips his shorts and trousers back on, cool as ever.

“Tell my mother and father-in-law I couldn’t stay long. Not like I was planning to. My friend’s celebrating her birthday tonight. See you later, fiancée.”

He walks to the door, opens it, and leaves without a glance back.

My legs wobble so badly I nearly fall flat on my face. Catching myself, I stumble back onto my ass.

“Fuck…”