Fated Destiny

The things that you go through now, the heartache and the pain, the smiles and the laughter, that prepares you for your fate, for your destiny. All the if's, the why's, the will's and want's, brings you what you ask for. The thing is, when you ask for something, you need to make sure to be clear, or you may land with something you asked for but did not really want. If you the lucky few, you will get what you asked for but receive a whole lot more, a whole lot that you did not expect but that you realize you actually wanted.

What is my fate?

Well, as I sit here looking at Isabella as she is taking a seat next to me and then at Galland that is sitting across from me, I cannot help but wonder what is my destiny. What has fate destined for me?

I have been through shit and back, and I am still standing, and it is this that makes me feel that what is deep in my heart is my true fate.

Now, as Isabella speaks, I cannot help but wonder, "What are you boys whispering about?"

Is this the moment to tell her?

"Nothing, boo, just boy stuff."

She only but shakes her head at me as she narrows her eyes, "You are up to something."

"We can talk about it later," I try to reassure her. "I am sure that Galland does not want to hear at us argue."

"Oh," She raises her brow, "So you are up to something? Best you come out with it now so Galland can stop me from strangling you."

I burst out in laughter as she starts to move inches away from me, preparing herself for what is about to come. So with one confident smile, I turn to face her while Galland starts to move uncomfortably around. "Boo, I was thinking."

"God, if you start with that, then I already know it is something that is going to get you in trouble. But yes, let us hear this brilliant thing that you are thinking of."

"Well," I start to explain again. Now, this is the perfect time where I can stop and just shut up, but let us not forget who Clayton Jackson is. And it is this very man that starts to speak with confidence, "I want to go back when I am ready."

Ya, from the height of her voice at a pitch that is near deafening, she launches her words at me, "You want to do what?"

"I. I want…"

"You want to go get yourself killed again. Is it not enough that you can nearly not walk?"

"But boo, my legs will be fine in six months."

"Oh yes, and what about your baby?"

This is where some people, depending on whom you are talking to, but this exact moment is where they will say that I am selfish. Hey, they might even say that I am irresponsible. But why do I have to keep on reminding everybody who and what I am? Does no one understand what it means to have a passion, to do something that gives a meaning?

Yes, my child is my passion too, and he means more than the world to me, but it is not like I am going to be an absent father. I am not a bad man, and god knows that I am not going to be a bad husband. I do not see what is wrong in doing what I see is my job and still have a family.

But ya, "Boo, I will be here when the baby is born and even for a while after that. It is not like I am going to go away now."

"It does not matter, Clayton. Why do you insist on doing this?"

"Boo, you know what this means to me. This is always going to be what I want to do."

I can see from the corner of my eye as Galland is eager to make a break for the door. If this were not so serious, then I would be laughing at him. But he does not know one little detail. Perhaps it is not the time to tell him, or should I rather say ask him. The problem now is convincing Isabella. However, I need to be more clear about what I ask.

So I take a deep breath and take the amused smile off my face. Turning back to Isabella, I can see her face is burning red hot from anger. As I drop my head to look down at my legs, I think to myself, should I even bother? But then that spark in my heart ignites my determination again.

"Boo, I want to become a Raider."

"You. Want. To. Be. What?"

I move only but an inch away, as her hand comes flying and hits me flat on the back of my head.

"Have. You. Lost. Your. Mind?"

She looks at me and cocks her head waiting for me to answer, but I remain quiet for but a minute. Perhaps this is not a good idea to be talking about this now. I am working her up and only upsetting the baby. So I reach out for her hand, but she only pulls it away.

With a voice that is almost a whisper, I try to lean in closer, "Boo, we can talk about this another time. I don't want you to upset the baby."

"Oh," she huffs at me. "But you will upset the mother. How long have you had this idea in your head?"

I look at Galland that is still sitting there, wishing for a way to get out of here, and then I turn back to her, "Well, I have been thinking about it since that time I spoke to Chief Blanket."

"Clayton, why have you not told me this before?"

"Boo, I know that you would have been upset like you are now."

"You are damn right…"

I immediately interrupt her, "You can't say that word in front of the baby."

"Clayton, you can be glad I don't punch you in front of Galland and the baby. Now let me damn well finish. You have no idea how it feels when I have to sit and worry if you are going to come back home. All you damn men, you have no idea what you put your women through."

"But, boo…"

"No, Clayton, there is no but's. You have a baby on the way, and now you want off to go and win some war again. I understand what it means to you, but your family means just as much."

"Boo, it is not like I am deserting my family. I am not leaving you and the baby. I will only be away for a short while at a time."

"Yes, like six months at a time?"

"Boo…"

"No, Clayton."

With that, she gets off from the chair and storms off to the room. It is only seconds later as I hear her slam the door. The sound is so deafening that it makes the windows vibrate in the lounge.

Ya, she is angry.

But I am not about to give up.

I can be a Marine and a father and, most of all, a good husband. I just need to convince her.

What else needs convincing is Galland. He has been like my brother; we have never been apart since we have been serving. He always has my back, and I will never desert him. If we do this, we do this together.

So with a wicked smile on my face, I turn to him, "I want you to come with me."

He looks at me in disbelief and only shakes his head, "I don't understand? You want me to come where with you?"

"I want us both to join the Raiders."

He bursts out in uncontrollable laughter as he falls back into the chair, "You have seriously lost your mind. Your misses has not even said yes."

"Ya, Isabella has not said yes, but I want to know if I go that you will come with me?"

"Clay," he stops laughing and moves to the edge of the chair as the seriousness creeps into his voice. "You know that I will always have your back. Where you go, there I go."

And that is all I need to reassure me that I am making the right decision. We might sign up for something that will bring us back in a box, but we sign up for something that has got meaning. And this is what I wish that Isabella will understand.

For the rest of the afternoon, Galland and I do not mention it further. Isabella never does come out of her room; only much later, when she hears Galland is leaving, does she come out to the lounge again. She takes a seat next to me, and as she looks into my eyes, I can see that she has been crying.

"Boo, I am so sorry if I upset you."

"You did not upset me; you reminded me how easy it is that I can lose you."

"You will never lose me; you know that no matter what it takes, I will always find my way back to you."

"So you are serious about this?"

My heart stops a beat, and I cannot help but think that my answer might break her, but what is worse is if I lie to her, "Yes, boo. I really want to do this."

"Clayton, I…"

Just then, there is a knock on the door.