The Vaccum in My Heart

Chapter 3 – The Vacuum In My Heart

Alora’s POV

There are days when I convince myself that I have finally forgotten him.

Then there are days like today.

I hated today.

Out of all three hundred and sixty-five days in a year, today was the one day I wished never existed. Every year, without fail, my mind dragged me back to the life I had buried five years ago.

I hated that all I could think about as I sat by this lake was that today was supposed to be our mating ceremony anniversary.

A bitter smile found its way to my lips.

Our.

There was no “our” anymore.

There hadn’t been for five years.

I picked up a small stone beside me and threw it into the lake. It landed with a soft splash before disappearing beneath the water.

“If only memories could disappear that easily,” I muttered.

I sighed and hugged my knees.

“No.” I immediately shook my head. “I am not doing this today.”

I wasn’t going to spend today thinking about him. Even though maybe I had healed over the years, there was still this vacuum in my heart, and I had promised myself something.

The day I escaped from Shadow Crest Pack was also the day I buried Killan’s name.

Whenever his face tried to sneak into my thoughts, I forced myself to remember the reason I left.

That always worked.

Because no matter how much my heart wanted to remember the man I once loved…

My mind never forgot what he had done.

Sometimes I wondered if the emptiness inside my chest was because I missed him.

The thought alone disgusted me.

“No.”

I whispered it to myself.

“I don’t miss him.”

I missed the woman I used to be.

The innocent Alora who believed love could conquer everything.

The foolish Alora who thought her mate would always protect her.

That woman died five years ago.

The day Killan chose a prophecy over our child.

People would probably say I was being unfair, but all I wanted was for him to assure me that nothing was going to happen.

But I guess…

I forgot who he was before we became mates.

A ruthless man who was known for having no emotions.

I refused to believe that the emptiness inside my heart belonged to him.

It didn’t.

It couldn’t.

The only thing I felt whenever I thought about Killan…

Was disdain.

At least, that was what I kept telling myself.

“You look so beautiful from this view.”

I quickly wiped the corner of my eyes before turning around.

He stood a few steps behind me with his hands folded behind his back.

His silver hair swayed gently with the wind, and the smile on his face made him look far less intimidating than people imagined the Lycan King to be.

“Your Majesty,” I said, forcing a small smile.

King Rowen chuckled.

“I’ve told you countless times, Elara.”

The name still felt strange sometimes.

It wasn’t mine.

But this was who I was now.

Elara.

Not Alora.

“You don’t have to be so formal when we’re alone.”

“I know.”

I smiled politely.

“It’s become a habit.”

He slowly walked over and stood beside me, his eyes drifting toward the peaceful lake.

“I had a feeling I’d find you here.”

Rowen stood beside me in silence for a while.

Neither of us spoke.

We simply watched the lake as the wind brushed against the surface of the water.

He was the first to break the silence.

“You come here every year around this time.”

He smiled.

“I’ve noticed it for the past four years.”

I couldn’t help but laugh.

“You’ve been keeping track of me?”

“I keep track of everyone in my kingdom.”

He shrugged playfully.

“Besides, my best healer disappears every year around this time. It would be strange if I didn’t notice.”

I smiled but didn’t answer, His smile slowly faded.

“Tell me something, Elara.”

I knew that tone.

He wasn’t speaking to me as a king.

He never did.

He spoke to me so informally.

“Is there someone you lost around this time of the year?”

My smile disappeared.

Five years I had lived in the Lycan Kingdom, yet I had never told anyone who I truly was.

To everyone, I was the pregnant, wounded stranger whom the Lycans brought home.

Five years ago, he found me wandering through the forest covered in cuts and bruises.

He had asked only one question.

“Are you running from someone?”

I never answered him because the truth was I had been running away from Shadow Crest Pack.

And because I couldn’t trust anyone, I remained silent as he looked into my eyes, searching for answers.

By the third day because I couldn’t even feel my legs anymore, I remembered collapsing at his feet.

I thought I was going to die there.Instead…

When I opened my eyes again, I found myself in a room I had never seen before.

The first face I saw was King Rowen’s.In that moment, he said to me,

“You’re safe here.”

When I realized where I was and that I truly could be safe, I offered him the only thing I had to make them keep me.

“My healing skills.”

“I know herbs.”

“I know medicine.”

“I’ll work.”

“I’ll earn my stay.”

He laughed back then, as if the idea of me repaying him amused him.

But I insisted because I didn’t want pity.

I wanted a chance to start over.

He eventually agreed.

And that was the beginning of my new life.

I changed everything.

My appearance.

My scent.

Even my name.

Alora disappeared five years ago.

The Lycan Kingdom only knew Elara.

Slowly, word spread about my healing abilities among the Lycans.

Patients travelled from nearby villages asking specifically for me.

The palace eventually appointed me as one of the kingdom’s royal healers.

No one questioned where I came from anymore.

Sometimes…

I wondered if I had hidden myself too well.

Did Killan ever search for me?

Or…

Did he simply believe I was gone and move on with his life?

I didn’t know which answer hurt more.

Rowen’s voice pulled me back.

“You’ve disappeared again.”

“Hm?”

“You always do that.”

“What?”

“You leave the conversation and wander somewhere only you can reach.”

I smiled.

“Thinking too much?”

“Unfortunately.”

He laughed softly before reaching for my hand as I stood up.

“Will I see you at the palace tonight?”

I looked down at his hand before looking back at him.

“If someone decides to get themselves injured, then yes.”

“And if no one does?”

I smiled.

“Then I think one evening belongs to my little boy.”

His face brightened.

“He’ll be waiting.”

“He always is.”

I gently pulled my hand free.

“I should get home and make sure he’s doing well with Star. You know how they can be.”

“See you soon. My regards to your son and Star.”

“Have a good night’s rest, King Rowen.”

“Just call me Rowen.”

I heard him say as I disappeared down the path that led to my home.

The narrow path was lined with wildflowers and tall pine trees.

The evening breeze carried the scent of fresh herbs from the gardens surrounding the kingdom.

It had become familiar to me…Comforting, even.

As I approached the small wooden cottage tucked away near the edge of the forest, a smile slowly crept onto my face.

No matter how exhausting my day was…

There was always someone waiting for me.

My son.

And the girl who had become like a sister to me.

Star was the only one who knew who I truly was because she had been my chief maid. She had secretly followed me that night when I ran away and eventually she ended up here too.

I still remembered the look on my face when I saw her.

I thought Killan had found me…Until I realized she was on my side.

Star was the only one I could be my real self with

Before I could even push the little wooden gate open, the front door flew wide open.

“Mama!”

I laughed as I caught him.

My boy.

Just like his name, Ashvin brought so much light into my life.

“Easy there, Ash. You almost knocked me over.”

“I missed you!” he said, wrapping his little arms tightly around my neck.

I kissed the top of his head before pulling back to look at him.

“I missed you too. So, what did you do while I was away?”

“I helped Miss Star collect herbs too.”

“You did?”

He nodded excitedly.

“I remembered all the ones you taught me.”

“Oh? Should we do a test run?”

I raised an eyebrow, and as always, he was ready for the challenge.

He nodded.

“What do Moonleaf and Silver Fern do?”

“It helps with fever, and Silver Fern…”

He scrunched up his little face as he tried to remember.

I folded my arms.

“You’ve forgotten already?”

“No!”

“I know it.”

He looked at the sky dramatically before snapping his fingers.

“It helps people sleep.”

I clapped my hands.

“There it is.”

He smiled proudly.

“I want to become the best healer in the whole kingdom just like you.”

“ You should have your own dreams too not only because you want to be like mama “

“ What type of dreams ?”

He looked up at me with those bright eyes that were always filled with endless curiosity.

He had once asked me if his father was as strong as King Rowen.

I remembered being completely speechless because he had never asked about his father before and we had never spoken about him .

Star had saved me by immediately changing the topic that day .

Sometimes, late at night, I wondered would my son have grown up inside the pack house ? Would he have worn expensive clothes?Would servants have followed him everywhere?

But ….would he even have been alive to witness all of that?

At least we were happy here in our little hidden cottage.

I didn’t have to worry about him whenever I was away.

He was treated just like every other child here.

I looked down at the little boy beside me.

He reminded me of someone I had spent five years trying to forget,He had inherited all of his looks from his father.

Sometimes, it frightened me how much they looked alike .

Anyone who knew Killan and I would immediately know this was our son and that was one of my biggest fear ….