Chapter 1

Just as Ethan Pierce was about to exchange rings with me, his stepsister, Sienna Nolan, called again.

Her depression was acting up.

"Ethan, my wrist is bleeding so much."

"My prince disappeared, so I’m going to turn into the Little Mermaid and sleep at the bottom of the ocean forever."

"When you look at the ocean someday, will you think of me?"

Ethan’s hand, which had been gripping mine tightly, suddenly let go.

His voice trembled.

"Sienna, tell me where you are."

"I’ll come watch the ocean with you, okay?"

"Don’t do anything. I’m coming right now."

After hanging up, he looked at me apologetically.

"Sienna’s unstable again. I have to go find her."

"We can have the wedding another time, okay?"

"No!"

I grabbed his sleeve.

Ignoring the strange looks from all the guests below, I nearly lost control.

"Are you the only psychiatrist in the entire world?"

"Why does she threaten suicide every single time we’re about to get married?"

"This is the ninety-ninth time, Ethan."

"Have you ever considered that maybe seeing a different psychiatrist would actually be better for her?"

Ethan’s eyes instantly sharpened.

His lips pressed into a hard line.

He looked at me so coldly that you would’ve thought I was the unreasonable one.

Sienna had always been his one forbidden subject.

No one could criticize her.

No one could touch her.

—

I couldn’t help remembering the first time I met Sienna.

She stole the necklace Ethan had made for me by hand.

Before I could even get angry, Ethan stepped in front of her like some kind of knight in shining armor and explained,

"She only steals because of her depression. Don’t blame her."

"I’ll make you another one exactly like it."

"Since Sienna likes this one, just let her have it."

I opened my mouth.

I wanted to tell him there was no such thing as two identical handmade necklaces.

I also wanted to ask:

If Sienna liked him too, was I supposed to hand him over as well?

But I couldn’t get the words out.

I was healthy.

How could I possibly argue with someone suffering from depression?

Ethan went upstairs to get her antidepressants.

The moment he disappeared, Sienna’s expression changed.

There was something about her features that resembled mine.

She looked at me smugly.

"You’re just a cheap substitute for me."

"Ethan only chose you because he couldn’t cross that line with me."

"He studied psychology because of me."

"I’ll always come first to him."

"You’ll never beat me."

She smiled sweetly.

Nothing about her looked like someone suffering from severe depression.

As I stared at her, I finally began to understand why Ethan had fallen for me at first sight and pursued me so relentlessly.

I gave her a polite smile.

Then I gently reminded her where the line was.

"Of course you come first."

"After all, you and Ethan are legally family."

"As long as Mr. Pierce is alive, you’re his stepsister. Nothing more."

Mr. Pierce was rigid and old-fashioned.

When he once discovered the love letter Sienna had secretly written to Ethan, his first reaction had been to insist on formally adopting her and changing her last name to Pierce.

Sienna refused.

She went on a hunger strike.

She overdosed on sleeping pills.

She even jumped into the ocean in protest.

Mr. Pierce refused to back down.

It wasn’t until Ethan introduced me to him that he finally stopped pushing the issue.

Families like the Pierces cared about appearances more than anything else.

Sienna’s face changed instantly.

She suddenly grabbed the glass in front of her and smashed it against the coffee table.

Glass exploded everywhere.

Several long cuts opened across her palm.

I jumped and instinctively backed away.

Sienna, however, seemed completely unaffected by the pain.

She smiled wildly.

"Want to guess whether Ethan will blame you for not taking care of me?"

The next second, hurried footsteps thundered down the stairs.

Ethan rushed over and slammed into me so hard that I fell to the floor.

"Why weren’t you watching her?"

He immediately scooped Sienna into his arms and carefully carried her to the couch.

Then he began treating her cuts.

His expression turned icy as he questioned me.

"You know she has severe depression."

"You know she could become suicidal at any time."

Broken glass had cut deep into my palm.

It hurt badly.

But I didn’t dare say another word.

I was afraid anything I said might upset Sienna again.

She immediately wrapped her arms around Ethan’s neck and buried herself against his chest.

Her sobs were soft and childish, but the smugness in her voice was impossible to hide.

"Ethan, it hurts so much."

Ethan sighed.

The way he looked at her was full of concern.

He wiped away her tears, took her injured hand, and gently blew on the cuts.

"There. Better?"

"You’re doing great, Sienna."

He never once noticed that I was still on the floor, bleeding heavily.

I kept telling myself that Sienna was sick.

Of course Ethan would pay more attention to her than to me.

But after that, Sienna was always Ethan’s first choice.

She threatened suicide ninety-nine times.

And all ninety-nine times, Ethan abandoned me.

In the middle of deserted mountains.

In a blizzard.

On the side of a highway.

On some empty road late at night.

At wedding after wedding after wedding.

Because Sienna had depression, I was never allowed to say no when Ethan left me to go save her.

But this time, I really didn’t want to give in.

No matter what Ethan said, I clung tightly to his sleeve and refused to let go.

Because the system had warned me over and over again the night before.

If Ethan abandoned me for Sienna one more time, my mission would officially fail.

And I would be erased.

To take some of the pressure off me and force me to fight for Ethan with everything I had, the system had even secretly told me the truth.

Sienna’s depression was fake.

She would never actually kill herself.

Ethan looked frantic.

"Sienna is my sister. I can’t just ignore her."

"Besides, I’m a psychiatrist. I have a responsibility to my patient."

"We can get married any day."

"But if something happens to her today, I’ll regret it for the rest of my life."

"I promise."

"Next time, I’ll give you the perfect wedding."

I shook my head.

My throat felt tight.

"Ethan, if you leave this time, there won’t be another wedding."

His patience finally ran out.

He pried my fingers from his sleeve.

His brows drew together, and his voice grew colder.

"I am going to marry you."

"And I am going to save Sienna."

"Those two things don’t conflict."

"Why are you making this into something it isn’t?"

"This is someone’s life we’re talking about."

"Do you really have to cause a scene right now?"

The atmosphere froze.

Mocking looks came at me from every direction.

I opened my mouth.

I wanted to tell him that Sienna was faking her depression.

That she wasn’t going to die.

But no sound came out.

The system had told me I wasn’t allowed to reveal anything it had told me.

That would count as cheating.

I tried again.

This time, I wanted to tell Ethan directly:

If you leave, I’m going to die.

But before I could speak, his phone rang again.

He answered immediately.

His voice softened as he comforted Sienna on the other end.

Then, without hesitation, he abandoned me.

He walked away without even looking back.

A second later, the system’s cold mechanical voice sounded in my head.

"Host, your mission has failed."

"You may choose how you wish to die."

"After your death, you will be returned to your original world."

My original world.

Suddenly, that didn’t sound so bad.

I had been seriously ill there.

But at least I still had a mother who loved me.

In this world, other than a relatively healthy body, I had nothing.

I thought for a moment.

Then I told the system,

"Then give me real severe depression."

"Let me die on Ethan’s watch."

I was going to die anyway.

I wanted Ethan, the brilliant psychiatrist, to see for himself what real severe depression looked like.

Because whatever it was, it definitely didn’t look like Sienna.

After Ethan left, the wedding descended into chaos.

Normally, I would’ve forced myself to smile as I saw off the guests who were openly mocking me.

This time, I didn’t bother.

I simply watched as Mrs. Pierce cried at Mr. Pierce.

"Are you really trying to drive Sienna to her death?"

"You know how much she loves Ethan!"

"If anything happens to her, I won’t live either!"

"Then we’ll see what matters more to you, the Pierce family’s precious reputation or Sienna and me!"

Then she turned and glared at me.

"You shameless bitch!"

She stormed off.

As though I were the woman who had come between Ethan and Sienna.

When in reality, she was the mistress who had become Mrs. Pierce.

And she had used every dirty trick she could to drive Ethan’s biological mother to her death.

Unfortunately, that was another secret the system had told me.

I still couldn’t tell Ethan.

Otherwise, I would’ve loved to see his face when he found out that the stepsister he had doted on since childhood was the daughter of the woman responsible for his mother’s death.

Mr. Pierce sighed and came over.

He reached for my hand.

"You’ve suffered enough."

"Sienna will get better someday."

"Just be patient a little longer."

I numbly pulled my hand away.

Then I nodded without feeling anything at all.

Ethan had said the exact same thing to me countless times.

Whenever we argued about Sienna, he would tell me to be patient.

Not to hold things against someone who was sick.

Before, I would get angry.

I would feel hurt.

I would despair.

But today, none of it seemed to matter anymore.

The system told me this was what severe depression was like.

It stripped away most normal emotions.

It took away every trace of the will to survive.

All that remained was endless pain and the determination to die.

I asked the system,

"But Sienna’s depression looks nothing like mine."

"Ethan is a professional psychiatrist. How could he not tell she’s faking?"

The system was silent for a long time.

Then it replied,

"What makes you think he can’t?"

My breath caught.

If Ethan had known all along that Sienna was faking her depression, then depression had never been anything more than an excuse.

An excuse for him to indulge her without limits.

An excuse to force me to give in to her again and again.

An excuse that allowed Sienna to cross every line she wanted with him without consequences.

Lies weren’t what cut deepest.

The truth was.

A thousand tiny needles seemed to pierce my chest.

I walked through the noisy crowd in a daze and went home.

I signed an organ donation agreement.

Then I swallowed an entire bottle of sleeping pills and curled up beneath the blankets to wait for death.

Once I died, I could go back to my original world.

I could see Mom again.

A bitter thought crossed my mind.

People who truly wanted to die didn’t always announce it to everyone around them.

Sometimes they simply went somewhere quiet and waited for death alone.

Nothing like Sienna’s repeated performances.

Somewhere between waking and unconsciousness, my phone rang.

I answered.

Sienna’s sweet voice came through the speaker.

"Ethan, what brand is your mattress? It’s so comfortable."

I almost laughed.

So Sienna was in the home Ethan and I had prepared for our marriage.

Lying on the bed I had never even slept in.

My stomach turned.

"The mattress was Ivy’s choice," Ethan replied. "I don’t know the brand."

"Get off the bed."

"She hasn’t even slept there yet. She’ll be upset if she finds out."

Sienna giggled.

"Have you ever slept with her?"

Ethan was silent for a long time.

Then he answered honestly.

"No."

"I knew it."

"You don’t love that pathetic woman who’s always clinging to you."

"If you really loved her, how could you go this long without touching her?"

Memories surfaced through the fog.

Ethan and I had nearly crossed that line many times.

But every time things were about to go further, he would pull away, breathing hard.

Then he would stroke my hair and tell me he wanted to save our most precious memory for our wedding night.

I had thought it was because he treasured me.

Now I realized he had been saving himself for Sienna.

Nausea rose in my throat.

I was about to hang up.

Then I heard kissing.

Soft gasps followed.

Sienna’s voice became breathless.

"Ethan, please."

"Please stop pushing me away."

"If you reject me again, I’m really going to get so depressed I’ll want to jump."

Ethan’s usually cool voice had gone hoarse.

"Sienna, I’m getting married."

"I’m your brother."

"That’s all I can ever be to you. Do you understand?"

"Stop lying to yourself."

Sienna’s voice turned teasing.

"You decorated this entire house exactly the way I like."

Ethan and I had fought countless times over the house.

Our tastes couldn’t have been more different.

Every decision turned into an argument that nearly ended our relationship.

Eventually, I got tired.

I gave in and told Ethan to decorate it however he wanted.

I never imagined he had actually decorated it according to Sienna’s taste.

"Then swear it."

Sienna’s voice dropped lower.

"Put your hand over my heart and swear that you’ve never wanted me as anything but your sister."

"If you can say that, I promise I’ll never bother you again."

She drew a slow breath.

Certain she already knew his answer.

On my end of the call, I waited too.

I wanted to know the truth.

After five years together, had Ethan always seen me as nothing more than Sienna’s substitute?

I waited.

And waited.

All I got was silence.

The last tiny piece of hope inside me disappeared without a sound.

So all those beautiful moments I had treasured really had meant far more to me than they ever had to him.

Finally, Sienna’s shameless flirting broke the silence.

"Let me be your first."

"I want to know what you’re like when you finally lose control."

Ethan protested, but there was no conviction in his voice.

"Stop it."

"This is supposed to be my home with Ivy."

Sienna laughed softly.

"Doesn’t that make it even kinkier?"

I listened to the intimate sounds coming through the phone.

My thoughts tangled into a mess.

I couldn’t stop wondering what Ethan and Sienna had really done during all those nights when he had abandoned me to go find her.

A dry heave escaped me.

Maybe I imagined it.

But I thought I heard Sienna laugh softly in triumph.

As though she were showing me that she had beaten me again.

The next second, Ethan’s panicked voice came through the phone.

"Ivy, listen to me. This isn’t what you think!"

I let out a broken laugh.

"Then what is it?"

"It’s complicated. Wait for me. I’m coming over right now and I’ll explain everything."

"Go to hell."

"Don’t come near me."

"You make me sick."

Before he could answer, I used the last of my strength to hang up.

Then I blocked him.

My arms and legs were growing cold.

My eyelids felt unbearably heavy.

Darkness slowly swallowed me.

Through the haze, I thought I saw Mom.

Just like when I was little.

She stood at the entrance to the old alley in her slightly faded apron, surrounded by whitewashed walls and dark tiled roofs.

Her voice carried the soft, lilting accent of home.

"Sweetheart, come wash your hands."

"Dinner’s ready."

Right before I lost consciousness completely, frantic pounding exploded against the door.

"Ivy!"

"Open the door!

"I swear I can explain everything!"